NOT.HAPPY.

AmoroAgain

Just got an email from my older sister announcing that she is pregant.  This seriously pisses me off.  She and her husband share a double wide trailer with his parents.  They don't have jobs, and she hasn't worked in God knows how long. 

I'm half tempted to swoop in and steal the kid after it's born so it doesn't have to grow up with these people.  Jesus.

crfische

Jesus Christ, Amoro, are you kidding me!? SHES PREGNANT?! And she told you in an email?

There's a lot of things wrong with this.

crfische

This isn't nearly as fun as Bee's baby announcement yesterday.

SarahPLiz

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:42f224a5-090b-4529-983d-a1967e716ae8">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT.HAPPY. : Sarah, I hope you can appreciate that I know my sister a hell of a lot better than you.  My sisters and I all grew up in a seriously dysfunctional and poor family.  Guess what?  She's done nothing to improve her life.  Nothing.  She hasn't had a job in years.  YEARS.  She doesn't WANT to work.  She just wants to pop out babies and live off welfare.  I feel that having a baby should be a happy event- sure- but you sure as hell better be able to care for it.  She's still smoking, she's incredibly unhealthy in her habits, and you're telling me that I should be happy?  How about you STFU?
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

Yes, you do know your sister better than I do. However, you posted limited information on an internet forum, so I replied to your post using only that information. Your other replies about her bad habits came in while I was typing my response, so I didn't see them. I agree with you that these habits are bad and are not a good environment for a child.

If you only wanted the replies of people who know you and your sister's situation, perhaps you should have sent them an email. I was trying to give  adifferent perspective that you didn't seem to have based on your original post. Telling me to STFU on an international internet forum because I don't know the whole story (which isn't posted) is just unwarranted.

sucrets4

Yeah, exactly what fishy said.

I understand that accidents happen and that people have kids when they're not necessarily ready for them, but from all that you've written about her on here, it sounds like she's being completely selfish.  It's a HUMAN BEING and someone else's life, not just a baby doll.

sucrets4

sarah - I know you haven't been around for awhile, but Amoro has given a LOT more backstory to her sister in the past.

ricksang

Sarah she has posted about her sister many times in the past.

I do think able bodied people who live off the welfare systems should have children. It's a burden on our already broke government and what does it say about a person who doesn't want to get up and work?

banana468

That DOES suck.

Hopefully you can be an involved aunt with this child.

My friend is in a similar situation with her sister-in-law.  SIL smoked through her pregnancy, we think she never quite quit hard drugs either and she's got an awful track record now that the child is 3.  My friend and her husband just do the best they can to be great involved aunts and uncles to him.   Her larger fear is that one day she'll be the adoptive parent.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:02bccc07-8d46-4e02-8bde-16500e2fad3e">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT.HAPPY. : Yes, you do know your sister better than I do. However, you posted limited information on an internet forum, so I replied to your post using only that information. Your other replies about her bad habits came in while I was typing my response, so I didn't see them. I agree with you that these habits are bad and are not a good environment for a child. If you only wanted the replies of people who know you and your sister's situation, perhaps you should have sent them an email. I was trying to give  adifferent perspective that you didn't seem to have based on your original post. Telling me to STFU on an international internet forum because I don't know the whole story (which isn't posted) is just unwarranted.
Posted by SarahPLiz[/QUOTE]

Sarah, I've talked a LOT about my sister and her ridiculous life on here, and as you can see from the other posts, they managed to know how bad this was.  Just because you didn't doesn't mean that no one else does.  I have a horrible head cold, I'm upset and I just want you to be quiet.

And yes, you were trying to give me a different perspective, but it just sounded pedantic.  I'm not an evil person, and if I weren't worried about how this child would grow up, regardless of income, I would actually be happy-- but I'm not because this kid is going to grow up in an extremely difficult situation, with an extremely hihg likelihood of being just as messed up as it's mother.  WHY would I be happy about that?  My sister has anger issues, she's been in jail for beating me up, she's been convicted of a felony for driving a getaway car for a robbery, she had her license revoked for several years for DUI, and then was caught driving on a suspended license.  She's never lived on her own, always sponged off other people and thinks nothing of adding a baby into the mix. 

There.  Feel better about my judgements now?

[Deleted User]

Yeah, but just because Amoro has posted before about her sister doesn't mean that Sarah has read it. And since she's obviously not familiar with it, she was just giving another perspective on the situation. I agree with Sarah. Telling her to STFU was not necessary.

SarahPLiz

Amoro, I am sorry that you are sick, and that my post was not the support you were looking for. You are right that I did not read the other posts. I didn't think it was necessary to go back and read an OPs posts from before I got here before I responded to a current post. My mistake.
Now that I have read all of you issues with her, I agree that this is not a good idea. You have my sympathy. I hope your cold gets better soon.

AmoroAgain

Oh, well, if CEW says it was wrong, then it MUST be!

bel138

I'm sorry amoro. Hopefully somehow in all of this she'll wake up. Maybe later on, when she's visibly pregnant and can feel your little niece/nephew, she'll realize this is a real life whose needs come before her own.

I have two cousins who are the same way. One got prenany at 17. Her little girl is healthy and beautiful, but she's living off the system. Her older sister got jealous that she wasn't the first with a child, so she got pregnant 5 months ago. She still smokes and gets high. She got into a car accident with DEPLOYED AIRBAGS and refused to even get checked out by paramedics. If she wasn't pregnant, I would punch her in the face.

bbyckes

bel, I think in that instance, punching a pregnant woman in the face is warranted. 

Amoro, I understand your frustration, anger and disappointment.  All that's left to do is to love your niece or nephew and support the baby as much as possible.  I know you're limited by what you can do because of proximity, but every little bit helps.

WildRumpus

But Amoro, don't you know that all a baby needs is love? No need to worry about, oh, you know, diapers or formula, or food. Just give it lots of love and everything will be just fine.

That poor baby. Already off to a rocky start.

MeaghanandMichael

Oh man Amoro, I am really really sorry to hear this. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating this must be, and just plain sad

Just slap me if I am getting to personal here, but are you worried you may have to take custody at any point or something like that?

AmoroAgain

I'm already planning on trying to be a better influence somehow.  It's going to be a total crapshoot if that is able to make up for my sister and her husband being dumbasses.

Oh God Jill... Didn't you know that's my sister's "theme" in life?  All you need is love.  *smacks forehead* She's all about the realism, that one.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:1b0eb3a4-71b0-42e7-8e95-6e77aaf4bac2">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]Oh man Amoro, I am really really sorry to hear this. I can't even begin to imagine how frustrating this must be, and just plain sad :( Just slap me if I am getting to personal here, but are you worried you may have to take custody at any point or something like that?
Posted by MeaghanandMichael[/QUOTE]

No, I don't think so Meaghan.  I'll hope that my BIL is able to get his shiit together enough to handle this.

MeaghanandMichael

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:b1e2d2d2-c913-48bc-9411-60638c3a3f1f">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm already planning on trying to be a better influence somehow.  It's going to be a total crapshoot if that is able to make up for my sister and her husband being dumbasses. Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

I am sure you are. I know what you are saying about the crapshoot, but it is true kids recognize stability and are drawn to it. I know you can't be there for the every day, but the child will without a doubt understand who you are and that you can help.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:7a56f591-d092-4382-9886-10e1ccae22e3">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, but just because Amoro has posted before about her sister doesn't mean that Sarah has read it. And since she's obviously not familiar with it, she was just giving another perspective on the situation. I agree with Sarah. Telling her to STFU was not necessary.
Posted by cew515[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm agreeing--and not just because Cew said it. </div><div>
</div><div>I've been around---but, to be honest, I haven't caught much of the backstory on your sister. I've gathered that you dislike her--but that's about it. </div><div>
</div><div>You can be angry all you want at her, but somehow I have a feeling that your anger towards her really hasn't kick-started her to change her ways. The only thing you CAN physically do is support your niece/nephew if and when they are born. Sounds like your sister is beyond saving. The unborn kid, though? It's got a chance. </div>

sucrets4

Psh, love, Jill.  (I know you are being sarcastic.)

I know that smoking is an addiction, but if you can't break it for the life inside of you, then how can you possibly say that you're ready to provide for a child?

It makes me so mad when decent, loving people have problems getting pregnant and others get knocked up and still drink/smoke/do drugs.  My mom was an L&D nurse and these women would vehemently deny doing drugs and refuse tests...but all the doctor had to do was wait until the baby was born and then test the baby.  It breaks my heart.

Night_Sprite

I'm really sorry, Amoro.  This whole situation sucks times four.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:85cb22be-0fe7-4b13-afe7-b00474a6c5ae">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE] I know that smoking is an addiction, but if you can't break it for the life inside of you, then how can you possibly say that you're ready to provide for a child? 
Posted by sucrets4[/QUOTE]

<div>Part of me thinks my mom smoked the entire time she was pregnant with me. I think this because we were going through old pictures one day---and she said "Wow! Look! I was definitely pregnant with you in this picture!!!"</div><div>
</div><div>And she had a cigarette in her hand. </div><div>
</div><div>And my parents weren't ready to support children. They lived in a trailer. My mom had no job. My first bed was a dresser drawer. The difference here is that my parents wanted to do better for us (my sister and me), but to be honest---the desire to do better didn't come around until we were born. Had we not been, I think my mom would have died from speed overdoses a long time ago....or ended up committing suicide like her dad did. </div><div>
</div><div>I turned out okay (....i think). </div>

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:48d97281-2a88-4807-9c6e-22b5353d17f8">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT.HAPPY. :  You can be angry all you want at her, but somehow I have a feeling that your anger towards her really hasn't kick-started her to change her ways. The only thing you CAN physically do is support your niece/nephew if and when they are born. Sounds like your sister is beyond saving. The unborn kid, though? It's got a chance. 
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

Rach, a lot of the family, including myself, did a lot for her in trying to be loving and accepting and trying to get her to better herself- she just doesn't want to.  Instead, she beat the crap out of me and used and abused everyone around her.  She stole money from our mother by writing bad checks and cashing them at the gas station she worked at, she stole from my grandparents-- who are the most stable and loving people I've ever known.  In short, she's done everything in her power to make everyone around her pay for her "bad life". 

I understand the influence of one person in a child's life, because I grew up knowing that my grandparents were an example of what was right, and I did my best to follow that.  I plan on trying to be that guide for my future neice or nephew.  Just to put it in perspective though, there were three of us, and we all were around my grandparents the same amount of time, spending vacations and holidays with them.  Yet, I'm the only one who realised and took lesson from the examples they gave.  That's what I meant about it being a crap shoot.

mocha beans

I've missed most of the crazy sister backstory, but she sounds like a winner already.  Darwin would be shaking his head.  At least you get to be the crazy awesome aunt that's always there for him/her.

sucrets4

rach - my mom smoked with my brother (71-72) and I think cut back or stopped with me (78).  Doctors back then thought it wasn't great, but it certainly didn't have the negative stigma that it has today.

I can't forgive someone for doing it today.

AmoroAgain

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:629c8529-0ab5-4115-8253-3d9c0e2062a4">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT.HAPPY. : Part of me thinks my mom smoked the entire time she was pregnant with me. I think this because we were going through old pictures one day---and she said "Wow! Look! I was definitely pregnant with you in this picture!!!" And she had a cigarette in her hand.  And my parents weren't ready to support children. They lived in a trailer. My mom had no job. My first bed was a dresser drawer. The difference here is that my parents wanted to do better for us (my sister and me), but to be honest---the desire to do better didn't come around until we were born. Had we not been, I think my mom would have died from speed overdoses a long time ago....or ended up committing suicide like her dad did.  I turned out okay (....i think). 
Posted by RachNRich[/QUOTE]

Could she turn her life around with a kid on the way?  Maybe, but it's very seriously doubtful.  She's already said that she won't work with a baby, and considering that she hasn't made much of an effort to work in the preceding years... I think we all know where this is going.

sucrets4

amoro - it's interesting that you can't work and really want to, yet she can and won't.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nothappy?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:42c93527-2b03-4806-8437-549e741e3748Post:7a2211d6-6139-4644-8ddc-11cb62a2434d">Re: NOT.HAPPY.</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: NOT.HAPPY. : Rach, a lot of the family, including myself, did a lot for her in trying to be loving and accepting and trying to get her to better herself- she just doesn't want to.  Instead, she beat the crap out of me and used and abused everyone around her.  She stole money from our mother by writing bad checks and cashing them at the gas station she worked at, she stole from my grandparents-- who are the most stable and loving people I've ever known.  In short, she's done everything in her power to make everyone around her pay for her "bad life". 
Posted by AmoroAgain[/QUOTE]

<div>This makes me more sad than it does anything. She sounds a lot like my Uncle and his wife---and I have incredible sympathy for them (but would probably hate them if I was closer with them). Part of me thinks there must be some sort of illness (presumably mental) that makes a person go off the deep end like that.</div><div>
</div><div>I'm really sorry you have had to deal with her, and if her pregnancy goes to term--I feel sorry for her child. I just hope for you (and the beebee) that you can deal with her enough to be the person in the child's life that your grandparents were to you. </div><div>
</div><div>And Sucrets---I do not, in any way, give the thumbs up for smoking today if an individual knows they are pregnant. I hate being crass, but at least she's not shooting up crack? (or dear god, I hope not). But, FFS, smoking while pregnant = not cool.</div>

AmoroAgain

No crap. LOL!!  But, we found out yesterday when we met with the relocation people for H's work, that when he gets his work visa in Sweden, I get one automatically!!! SWEET!! So, I've already been looking for positions for me over there.  OOOOH YEAH.

AmoroAgain

Oh Rach, there's so much wrong with her perception of reality, it's ridiculous.  Depression runs in the family, but it doesn't make you stupid like it does her.  My sisters and I all had the same opportunities, the same life, the same everything... and yet, she's the one who decided to blow it all up.  Only her.  She's assuredly got something wrong with her, but I think it's her inability to see that SHE is reponsible for her problems and not everyone else.