F/U to my sister and her DB husband..

akhensley81

My sister finally called me a little while ago. I asked her what happened, and she had pretty elaborate stories about how both injuries (rib & tooth) happened at work.

I've mentioned before that she has 2 jobs. She is an MA at a doctor's office during the day, and she is a stripper at night. The broken rib she says was from a Jell-O wrestling incident, and the tooth was an unfortunate encounter with a stripper pole.

I asked her how everything else was going, and reminded her that I'm always here if she ever needs to talk about anything. I opted not to flat-out ask her if DB was hitting her again... but I'm definitely going to keep my ear to the ground on this one. The moment I have something solid, I'm definitely saying something.

Thanks again for your advice, ladies. I'm still looking in to what I would need to do to report him to the authorities.

twilight.rose

Aww...sorry you're going through this, ak. I was a little late reading the first thread this morning, but best of luck with the situation! T&P to you and your sister.

[Deleted User]

I haven't been on today bc the internet was acting up, so I am sure I missed something. I am sorry to hear about your sister and what is going on. Kudos to you for being there for her.

redheadfsu

Good, just be there for her. I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. Hopefully she realizes sooner rather than later that she needs to get out. GL

baystateapple

Ditto Redhead.  I hope that things work out for her soon.

polichik

Wow, I feel crazy... I've been reading E on my BB, but I can't reply to posts. I was reading your OP today and thought that the conversation was happening right now, so I tore down the corner coffee shop with my laptop to reply. Guess I missed the boat by about two days

One thing I really wanted to say was please do NOT call the police or DCFS unless you know that he is currently a danger to her in the moment. If she's not ready to press charges, he may only be detained for 12-24 hours (depending on the state and whether they have a "must arrest" policy for DV calls) and will most likely escalate his level of violence upon release.

 If she's ready to leave, she needs to leave the house (and take her children with her), get to a safe place, and THEN call. My gratuitous use of caps lock is that perepetrators of violence are most dangerous when their partner is leaving or confronting them about the violence. If the police get involved, he'll know that she was in some way involved in the call and could possibly take it out on her.

Whew. Ok. I just really wanted to make sure that you knew that, in case things get worse. I'm glad to hear that her injuries may not have been the result of DB, but I'd still keep an eye on it. As difficult as it is, please stay in her life. It's frustraing to interact with someone who is stuck in an unhealthy relationship, but she needs you more than ever. If she seems ready to have the conversation with you about her husband, just point out the facts. Think the whole "Just the facts, ma'am" of old detective movies.

So, don't say "DB is an a-hole and treats you like crap and you're crazy not to leave," but instead, say something like "I've noticed that DB has taken out his anger on you physically before, and it seems like it's happening again. I notice that you have a black eye, and it seems as though you're in pain." By just sticking to the facts, she can make excuses, but by not involving her husband's character or your judgement of him (although legit), it gives her less room to protest.

I'm not sure if you still want to know this or not, but I was really concerned that something might happen. If you want to talk more, PM me. We're getting internet at our place on Monday, so I should be around. Thanks for reading my unsolicited, long advice :P