I've been engaged for a month, and I'm really excited because the wedding is in about ten months. However, there is one tiny detail that makes me cringe every time I think about it. And that is this one family friend...
Since March, when she found out that FI and I were talking about getting engaged, she's been super excited, jumping on me at every opportunity with lists of things that I need to start planning out and deciding on. It wasn't so bad at first. It even got me past my point of hesitancy and had me poking around for ideas. But then the incident happened.
Sometime in May, she suggested taking me and my mom looking for wedding dresses. Since my mom and I agreed that no time was too early for looking, we set a date. When said date rolled around, and I hadn't heard anything further, I asked my mom, who then informed me that she and the friend had decided it just wasn't a good time - in the kind of off-handed way that sounded like they'd just casually forgotten to tell me.
Since then, I've kinda been feeling like I'm just along for the ride here. The friend keeps bringing up the suggestion, but either failing to tell me that she and my mom couldn't make it work, or just failing to mention it to my mom at all. At this point, I'm beginning to wonder if she'd pick out my dress for me, and if maybe I would be better off going with just my mom, or even just my MOH.
The dress isn't the only thing she seems to be trying to take control of. She has informed me that I have to ask my sisters and his to be BMs. There are several issues with this. Our guest list is going to be tiny. We're talking no more than 75 people, closer to 50 if we can manage it. So the WP is going to be small as well. FI and I are thinking 3 attendants each, maybe 4. I have five younger sisters, most of which I don't actually get along with very well. I don't mind them coming to the wedding. I don't even mind them helping out. But part of the WP? Eh.... Also, they are all 16 and younger. Which would mean my mom would be the one paying for their dresses. She's offered to help out with the wedding wherever she can, but for the most part she's not in a position to shell out a whole bunch of money like that. This would also make having them responsible for things or make toasts a little difficult. I've already talked to them, and all but one has said, "I wouldn't be offended if I don't get to be a bridesmaid. That's for your friends. Why would you ask me?"
The most recent thing that really bothered me was when she told me that Walmart had some wedding stuff on clearance, and that she wouldn't mind taking me to go look. "Clearance" to me says "It's only on sale and here for a limited time, so you have to get it NOW!" FI and I haven't even discussed colors yet, let alone what we want for invitations or decorations. And this entire thing is really something I want his equal input on every step of the way. And here I'm getting pressured by this friend of the family to hurry up and make the decisions, because it's "my" day, except here, let me tell you how you're supposed to do it.....
So... how exactly do I go about telling her to back off a little without alienating her or hurting her feelings? I understand she's been married for eight years and is itching to get back into the wedding planning scene... But still. FI and I feel very much indebted to her, because she's the one who told me to go for it in the first place when he asked me out. As of right now, she's on the guest list. I just don't know how to handle this pressure she's putting on me... TIA
