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stargrly85

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vegasgroom

You shouldn't solicit him for money, if he wants to contribute, he'll offer, otherwise plan on him not helping with that.  If he'll still be invited to your wedding and you just want to insult him by not having him walk you down the aisle, that's obviously your choice, but I don't see much being gained by doing that.

twilight.rose

You can't force anyone, not even family, to be excited about your wedding. Nobody will be as excited as you and your FI. Also, you shouldn't be asking anyone for money toward your wedding. If a family member would like to contribute, they will offer. Otherwise, plan the wedding you and your FI can afford.

Perhaps part of the reason your father keeps bringing up things he has recently purchased/would like to buy is because he's attempting to subtly tell you that he has other plans for his money than paying for your wedding. He isn't required to assist in paying, but maybe he doesn't know how to tell you that, and this is his way of informing you. Stop trying to bring up a financial contribution on his part, and maybe he'll show more interest in your wedding because he won't feel pressured to help monetarily. If he doesn't show more interest, just keep the wedding talk to a minimum around him.

It's unfortunate that your father isn't showing the interest you would like him to in your wedding planning, but from what you said, it sounds as if not being involved in your life isn't out of character for him. Are there others in your life who could share the excitement of this time with you (your mother, other family members, friends, your FI)?

As for walking you down the aisle, there's no set-in-stone rule that says your father must have that honor. My grandpa gave me away. Your mother could do it, if you're close to her. There are more and more brides walking down the aisle alone or with their FI, so you could also consider one of those routes.

AmoroAgain

If he's never been interested before, why would he start now? 

That isn't meant to be mean, but it is what I asked myself all the time with my own father, who I cut ties with about a year before my wedding.  I would never have asked him to contribute money or time, or anything else for that matter, because I know he's a selfish, egotistical bastard. 

As much as it hurts, your father is NEVER going to be more interested in you because of life events you have.  He is who he is, and you have to accept that.  There's no way you can change him, or expect him to suddenly take an interest because you're getting married.  Ask yourself honestly, if suddenly your dad DID give a crap, would it make you really happy forever or would you wonder why it's only now that he cares? 

I know it's asking a lot, but you'll be so much better off if you stop worrying about why he doesn't take an interest in you, and why he doesn't seem to care, and just move on from that.  You have the ability to not let him affect you as much as he has and will continue to do.  Take that power away from him, and just realize that you can maintain a relationship with him, knowing who he is and accepting that.  Or, you can just let it go and be at peace.

My father was not invited to my wedding, and my grandfather walked me down the aisle because he has been the most influential male figure in my life and I wanted to honor him.

[Deleted User]

I think the other ladies said it all. I would let it go and choose someone else to walk you down the aisle. Why not walking down with your husband to be? A lot of ladies are choosing that these days as well.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_dont-want-dad-walk-down-aisle?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:44176c72-1a2e-494e-bc1f-2d09971c591fPost:d4076c9e-be36-4f59-a284-4a8f83afb39e">Re: dont want dad to walk me down the aisle</a>:
[QUOTE]You shouldn't solicit him for money, if he wants to contribute, he'll offer, otherwise plan on him not helping with that.  If he'll still be invited to your wedding and you just want to insult him by not having him walk you down the aisle, that's obviously your choice, but I don't see much being gained by doing that.
Posted by vegasgroom[/QUOTE]

Why do you find that this is insulting to her father? If they don't have much of a relationship he should not have the honor of walking this lovely bride down the aisle. She can have her mom or someone who actually has a positive relationship with her do that. So does not need him unless she wants him.

Calypso1977

i would walk with your FI.  that's what i did.  even if my father were alive i would have done this, as i didnt like the idea of being "given away". 

also, dont ask him for money.  he is under no obligation to pay for antthing, even if you had a great relationship.

arv266

I have a decent relationship with my dad, and he didn't contribute monetarily for my first wedding.  It didnt mean that he didn't love me, he just didnt have the funds.  Sure, it stung for him to not offer, but his money (or lack of it) didn't equate his love for me, or my love for him.  I wanted him to walk me down the aisle, and he did.

If your father is not an important figure in your life, then you are not obligated to have him walk you down the aisle.  If he hasn't offered to contribute to your wedding, odds are he is not planning on it, and you should stop hinting/asking. 

packlite

if you are not close to your dad, he does not have to walk you down the aisle.  however, i would not make the decision based on whether or not (or how much) he contributes to your wedding.  he is not obligated to pay anything for your wedding or to be that excited about it frankly. 

kellyb1487

I agree with P.P. his not giving some funds towards the wedding should not be the deciding factor about whether he will walk you down the isle or not..

If you do not have a close relationship with him , than that is a valid reason, the money is not...

Stop asking him for money and if you are closer to maybe an uncle, brother, grandfather, or even your mother, then ask one of them

MrsMack10612

I disagree with Vegasgroom.  Inviting a father and not having him walk you down the aisle is not insulting.

Any father that is not asked to escort his daughter down the aisle, I'm sure, is well aware of the reasons for that.

I've had a very strange and sometimes estranged relationship with my father over the years.  I'm sure he has no expectation of walking me down the aisle and if he does - I'm sorry to disappoint - but I'm asking one of my brothers.

heyimbren

What does him not contributing money have to do with walking you down the aisle? They should not correlate.

If you aren't close with your father, there is nothing wrong with not choosing him to walk you down the aisle. But that has nothing to do with money he gives you.

stargrly85

I really like the idea of having my fI walk down the aisle with me he truly is my best friend. Its not really that i want my father to pay for anything really I am completely prepared to do everything my self. He has a very good job he lives at home with his parents so he doesnt have to worry about food or shelter. Ive been taking care of myself and paying bills since i was 16 so i know how to fend for myself. My birthday was last week and i didnt even get a text. sorry venting now but thanks for the input!

Calypso1977

I really like the idea of having my fI walk down the aisle with me he truly is my best friend.

go for it!  it made my walk down the aisle wonderful.  we were able to smile adn say hi at firends/relatives that we saw along the walk, rather than having that fixated stare between bride and groom (that always bugs me, i dont know why!).  i loved having him by my side, from that point forward. 

also, that way you can tell Dad that you are doing something totally different, and he'll probably be less bent out of shape if its your FI walking you rather than some other male figure.

stargrly85

if he were going to contribute i would feel obligated to let him do it to follow the tradition, Traditionally the brides family is the one to contribute. I dont want to hurt his feelings im just not comfortable with him  enough for him to fill the role