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Shower in CA > Wedding in NY... shower invite etiquette?

[Deleted User][Deleted User]
First Comment
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hey all,

My fiance and I are getting married where we now live, in New York, but I am from California and my immediate family still lives there. Our wedding is in June and I will be heading home in April for a CA shower. 

My question is this: can I invite CA friends to the shower?  These would be friends who are not getting invited to the wedding due to the immense travel costs from CA to NY.  I know it is considered bad etiquette to invite women to the shower and not to the wedding, but I didn't know if a situation like this would be the same.

It would mean a great deal to me to be able to celebrate with my high school friends who cannot afford to come out to the wedding in NY, but will I be breaking a horrible rule of etiquette by inviting a few?  Thank you all in advance for your insight :)
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Re: Shower in CA > Wedding in NY... shower invite etiquette?

  • JessAndTravJessAndTrav member
    5000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 5 Love Its Combo Breaker
    No, you only invite people to wedding events that are invited to the wedding itself.
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  • lizstill13lizstill13 member
    1000 Comments

    You cannot invite anyone to the shower who is not invited to the wedding, it's rude no matter which way you try to spin it.

    And why are they not invited to the wedding? Because they can't afford it? Who decided that, you or them? If that's the only reason I would invite them to the wedding (if it's in YOUR budget) and let them decide if they can afford to come or not. Then you can invite them to the shower.

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  • Kati0105Kati0105
    1000 Comments
    My wedding is in CA and a large portion of our guests will be traveling from the east coast.  You shouldn't choose who to invite based on who you think will come but rather on who you would want to be there.
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    Married (work in progress)
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User]
    First Comment
    It's not a budget issue on our end. I did ask several friends from high school and all told me they wouldn't be able to swing flight and hotel charges to the wedding.  As far as us just inviting them anyway and letting them decline on their own terms, our reception is going to be in an outdoor tent that has a strict maximum capacity. So when these friends told me they wouldn't be able to swing coming to the wedding, my fiance and I invited other friends who we are both close with (my fiance has met none of my high school friends) who are now putting us at the maximum capacity of the venue.

    Liz, I think I will take your advice as far as inviting them and letting them decline on their own terms once more, but then I can invite them to the shower as well.  It's the darn tent capacity that's stressing me out lately ... and that's the real root of the reason these HS friends were not getting invitations once they declined originally.

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  • kate51485kate51485 member
    Eighth Anniversary 2500 Comments
    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-ca-wedding-ny-shower-invite-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:44706312-86ef-4de3-92e8-784596862122Post:2f7d0e8f-0d57-4531-a1ab-fcbd0604ad03">Re: Shower in CA > Wedding in NY... shower invite etiquette?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Well, don't call it a shower and throw a little party and don't expect gifts.  Still, <strong>it sounds like you're looking for a way to get presents from people without having to invite them to the wedding</strong>.
    Posted by bbyckes[/QUOTE]

    I don't get this vibe at all.
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