How to uninvite people to our wedding

fabaustil

My fiance's family and I have been severely affected by the earthquake in Haiti, therefore we can no longer invite the amount guests we previously had. Keep in mind, the wedding invitations are already sent. Can anybody advise how to handle this situation?

thesuninherhead

I'm a little confused. I gather your Fiance's family is paying for the wedding?

nda_roxybabe

I think I need more of an explanation. Did all your money go to help family in Haiti?

shellydiane820

The only way I can think to do this without being ungodly rude is cancelling the wedding and having a private ceremony later.  Especially since the invites are out.

SarahPLiz

YOu could certinaly cancel it and go the JOP route. If they know about your conneciton to Haiti, they will probably understand.

Nebb

Agreed, we need more information about why you cant, even just basic info, in order to help in some way.

ggmae

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvite-people-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44bc414e-5686-48c9-9dd0-009f7ed50068Post:2a49246d-a2f0-489b-af90-18ac7c1807c3">Re: How to uninvite people to our wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]The only way I can think to do this without being ungodly rude is cancelling the wedding and having a private ceremony later.  Especially since the invites are out.
Posted by shellydiane820[/QUOTE]

This.

fabaustil

My father is paying for the wedding, but all the banks over there collapsed and the his house has a lot damage as well...I am sure my dad he would rather repair the house than spending on my wedding.

ScarletGem

Sorry to hear about your situation.  :-(   I hope you and your loved ones are all well! 

As for the wedding, I agree with pp - Your best bet is to cancel the wedding entirely and just do a small ceremony some other time.  Good luck. 

nda_roxybabe

I have a sinking feeling we're not going to get an explanation.

ootmother2

You can't just uninvite some.

I'm very sorry that this tragedy has disrupted your wedding plans but if you  have to cancel, you really have no choice.

Note:  "Due to unfortuate cuircumstances, the wedding of Mary Smith and John Jones will not take place as planned"

No explanation is required for a full cancellation.

shellydiane820

That's understandable, I hope your family is okay. I'm still standing by my original answer.

Nebb

Im sorry to hear that youre affected like that. I have to agree with pp, it would just be best to cancel, and have a private ceremony. Everyone will understand.

temerityjane

If family members are that affected, I would imagine you'd cancel the wedding/doing a JOP thing, and everyone would totally understand. Phonecalls or a card mailed out to everyone invited should take care of it.

I can't imagine anything else really being appropriate - that you/your fiance's family were affected by the situation in Haiti, but just affected enough to uninvite SOME people, but not everyone. That's kind of weird.

nda_roxybabe

Oops, I apparently posted too soon.

That really sucks. Your best bet is to do as pp suggested and cx the wedding and do JOP.

Brie2010

Instead of cutting people out, I'd consider maybe just retooling the wedding if at all possible--instead of a banquet hall, have a casual backyard BBQ if you can.  Otherwise, I would cancel it altogether and just have a private family only ceremony with a small dinner afterwards.

So sorry to hear about your family's losses.

tennosaurus

I am having a very small wedding, with only my fiance and I's immediate family. How do I tell everyone else in the families that we are getting married, but they are not necessarily invited? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want some relatives thinking they might be getting an invite later on.

mwhitson14

I mean, how do you make the cut with something like this that doesn't make you look totally rude?

I'm really sorry that you're in this situation, but you are asking for some serious hurt feelings when some people find out they were cut and others went, even if they understand what is going on.

mwhitson14

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvite-people-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:44bc414e-5686-48c9-9dd0-009f7ed50068Post:9b9a4d6c-9858-4b1c-9cea-c40e8d364d0f">Immediate Family Only</a>:
[QUOTE]I am having a very small wedding, with only my fiance and I's immediate family. How do I tell everyone else in the families that we are getting married, but they are not necessarily invited? I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but I also don't want some relatives thinking they might be getting an invite later on.
Posted by tennosaurus[/QUOTE]

You need to start your own post.

fabaustil

I thought about cancelling it many times, but I will end up loosing all the deposits I have already made...The bridesmaids already paid for their dresses and they should be in this week. Also, a lot of my guests already made travel arrangements....I feel so bad about all this....It's a nightmare.
Don't get me wrong I still want to get married, but I was thinking of doing something more intimate instead of a big wedding. I am sure a lot people would not be able to make it anyway...

shellydiane820

talk to the vendors, they might be able to do something.  Its amazing how understanding people can be when there is a natural catastrophe.

mwhitson14

Is there no way you can come up with some of the money? How many guests are you going to have to cut?

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvite-people-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44bc414e-5686-48c9-9dd0-009f7ed50068Post:a31b13a5-fece-46b0-b81e-2dffe45ac6ce">Re: How to uninvite people to our wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I thought about cancelling it many times, but I will end up loosing all the deposits I have already made...The bridesmaids already paid for their dresses and they should be in this week. Also, a lot of my guests already made travel arrangements....I feel so bad about all this....It's a nightmare. Don't get me wrong I still want to get married, but I was thinking of doing something more intimate instead of a big wedding. I am sure a lot people would not be able to make it anyway...
Posted by fabaustil[/QUOTE]

Losing deposits will be cheaper than having the wedding.  It sucks, but if you're really looking to do the most cost efficient thing, then that's it.  Ditto pp on explaining your situation to vendors.

nda_roxybabe

Ok, so you said a lot of people already made travel arrangements. Uninviting them certainly won't help. Can you cut some other things? When is the wedding? How many people are we talking?

fabaustil

I totally agree with you temerityjane, that makes sense. I never thought of it  like that...

mocha beans

What about going much more low key with the wedding?  Have you called vendors and asked them about working out a deal?  I would really hope they can be somewhat understanding about the situation.

I think that since guests have made travel plans already, that are likely nonrefundable, you should really try to do something.    Not really my favorite idea, but would you be able to drastically cut the budget and put some of it on a low interest rate credit card or loan?

fabaustil

@roxy, the wedding is March 6 and the final guest list was 130 people.  To make work I'd have downsize to 50 guests...I am  not even having a fancy wedding. It's an outdoor wedding at a golf-course and the reception will take place at the same location. The caterer is good friend of the family he is not charging us a lot for food.

fabaustil

@Shelly, I already spoke my wedding planner about it and she was going to get in touch them to see that can be done...but she also told me not to get my hopes too high. So we'll see..Thank you so much for your advice.

janedoe1113a

My first thought would be to cut that wedding planner.

mags0607

roughly how many people will be traveling to your wedding? Is it just a few close family members, or the bulk of your guests?

I would really cancel and reschedule a smaller ceremony at a later date, or go to the JOP. I would send out cards cancelling the wedding, and then talk to your vendors. Chances are that you would be able to keep some if not all of the deposits if you had it at a later date, when your family in less turmoil, or you could afford what you have planned.

The fact that people have made travel arrangements makes it sticky, but I can't imagine that you can just call and invite some guests once they received the invitation.

I am so sorry for the situation you are in.

agk0125

How terrible.

Maybe talk to your caterer about switching to hoer-dourves (eek spelling) or possibly changing the time of the wedding to an earlier brunch or late evening and just desserts? Those routes would probably save you a couple bucks a person. Also, if you're having a full bar you could switch that to beer and wine or no bar at all.

I would talk with your vendors yourself and see what can be done. I don't know maybe even a payment plan or something? The first thing I would do though is get rid of the wedding planner..none of your vendors are going to feel sorry for you if you have a paid planner trying to talk to them.

Good luck.