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wedding party - always with a guest?

I've seen a few posts lately that have hinted or just said straight out that members of the wedding party should be invited with a guest.  Is this always true?  Even if the member of the WP has no SO and even no flavor of the week?  I've never thought of the wedding party falling into different guest-bringing rules than the rest of the guest list. 

Re: wedding party - always with a guest?

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    There is a good friend I have that does not know anyone but my family, FI and myself. I am making her a special invite so she can bring a date or a friend so she does not feel so out of place.

    There are also two of my friends parents that are divorced that know no one. I am giving them the same invites to bring a guest as well.

    Our total is EVERYONE comes is 82 so paying for a possible three "extra" people is financially no problem.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-always-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44f1e583-dff4-4a80-8eef-bdb1b4be1339Post:b41668ed-f113-46b3-89ed-20cb6b14bf8c">Re: wedding party - always with a guest?</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a good friend I have that does not know anyone but my family, FI and myself. I am making her a special invite so she can bring a date or a friend so she does not feel so out of place. There are also two of my friends parents that are divorced that know no one. I am giving them the same invites to bring a guest as well. Our total is EVERYONE comes is 82 so paying for a possible three "extra" people is financially no problem.
    Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

    Your friend's parents are in your wedding party?
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    They are all getting a +1, whether that is a close friend or a date is completely up to them.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-always-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44f1e583-dff4-4a80-8eef-bdb1b4be1339Post:b41668ed-f113-46b3-89ed-20cb6b14bf8c">Re: wedding party - always with a guest?</a>:
    [QUOTE]There is a good friend I have that does not know anyone but my family, FI and myself.<strong> I am making her a special invite</strong> so she can bring a date or a friend so she does not feel so out of place. There are also two of my friends parents that are divorced that know no one. I am giving them the same invites to bring a guest as well. Our total is EVERYONE comes is 82 so paying for a possible three "extra" people is financially no problem.
    Posted by krmabojo[/QUOTE]

    Why does she need a special invite?  She just needs a note written in saying that she is welcome to bring someone.  I would feel kinda crappy if I realized that I got an entirely different invite just because I was single.
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    Whatever, Sookie. You're just jealous you're not getting a special invite.
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    Giving a WP member the "and guest" option is a courtesy, IF you have room to invite extra people.  It is NOT mandatory or a given.  This is entirely up to the hosts. 
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    For the WP, I do think it's a nice gesture to let them bring someone, no it's not manditory, but they are the first people that I would give the +1.

    The other guests having a +1 is less important, to me, than the WP.  It's a little token for the stess and effort they take on.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-always-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44f1e583-dff4-4a80-8eef-bdb1b4be1339Post:fda6fdd7-dd11-4a22-afa8-20204f684e9f">Re: wedding party - always with a guest?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Giving a WP member the "and guest" option is a courtesy, IF you have room to invite extra people.  It is NOT mandatory or a given.  This is entirely up to the hosts. 
    Posted by Catwoman708[/QUOTE]

    Funny, I was always taught it was a given.
    Catwoman, do you know of anywhere this is specifically said in a etiquette book? I am genuinely curious as I have never encountered a wedding that did not make sure the WP all had dates (IRL). I don't have a "by the book" citation though.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-always-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44f1e583-dff4-4a80-8eef-bdb1b4be1339Post:23831f81-e1a5-4066-a5a0-e5dfa9682bfd">Re: wedding party - always with a guest?</a>:
    [QUOTE]Whatever, Sookie. You're just jealous you're not getting a special invite.
    Posted by scoetto[/QUOTE]


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    Also - I am confused why we are (mostly) all in agreement that SOs get to go to the RD, but WP members don't necessarily get to bring guests to the actual wedding? There seems like a disconnect to me, but google is yeilding nothing, grrr.
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    This one of those "rules" that makes absolutely no sense to me. FWIW, we invited everyone with a guest so I'm not at all opposed to inviting people with guests. But I don't get why you'd invite the bridal party with guests and not everyone else. Of all people, the bridal party is least likely to have time to attend to a guest than a regular guest so it just seems so counter-intuitive to me.
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    Hi,

    We just gave everyone in the wedding party an "and guest". There were a few members that we knew wouldn't end up showing up with one, but wanted to give them an option.

    I think its a nice gesture, even if you do not think they will end up bringing one. That way there are no hurt feelings, and you have accounted for the maximum guest list you might have.

    HTH!

    ~cmr4828
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    But I don't get why you'd invite the bridal party with guests and not everyone else

    I believe for the reasons Sarah0725 mentioned above.
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    pirategal03pirategal03 member
    First Anniversary First Comment Combo Breaker
    edited February 2010
    Meaghan, what you've said here addresses better what I was trying to ask.  I just wondered if this is just a "how it happens IRL" thing or if there was a "rule". 

    I'm not asking to help cut my guest list or anything like that, I'd just never heard of a separate guests for wedding party rule until the last few days so I wondered from where it came.

    edited for spelling fail
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    My view as a BM is why would I want to bring a date unless they were my SO or close to it?  If I'm going to be busy all day with the WP I don't want to have to worry about a date and him being by himself all day.  My FI will be going to the wedding that I'm a BM in but he will sit with my family as they are also invited.  But if I didn't have a SO I would NOT want to bring a casual date, just seems rather awkward to have to split time b/w him and being a BM.  As the Bride if I knew any one of my WP wanted to bring a casual date then they would certainly be allowed to come.  But none of them do as they share my opinion in thinking that bringing a friend or casual date along is just another thing to have to worry about.  To each their own though.  I def don't think there is a "rule" about this though, every WP is different I guess.
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    I actually agree with you Moscow, however I think the issue is leaving an option open for people. Almost all my single girls brought no one, and the ones who did brought close girlfriends that I knew and liked, but didn't invite to the wedding.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-party-always-guest?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:44f1e583-dff4-4a80-8eef-bdb1b4be1339Post:f52e3223-0c3f-4a0b-af62-82da35cd0199">Re: wedding party - always with a guest?</a>:
    [QUOTE]This one of those "rules" that makes absolutely no sense to me. FWIW, we invited everyone with a guest so I'm not at all opposed to inviting people with guests. But I don't get why you'd invite the bridal party with guests and not everyone else. Of all people, the bridal party is least likely to have time to attend to a guest than a regular guest so it just seems so counter-intuitive to me.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    I agree. I don't understand why people are saying it is EXTRA nice to do it for your WP to make them feel comfortable, but then wouldn't care about regular guests feeling as comfortable.
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    I'm going to run for a while, FI got home and it's time to cook steaks Laughing but I'll check back in later. 
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    Yeah Mery and Ten, I would definitely like to know what true etiquette gods say.
    It is funny, because most etiquette seems like such common sense to me and on one hand A) having your closest who have done SO much for you that allowing them to bring guests seems like such a no brainder, but B) it seems like common sense you plan for all to bring a plus one since your weddings are supposed to be your nearest and dearest who have been there for you your whole life.

    Basically, I have always been a fan of everyone having a plus one and planning the guest list, venue and budget that allows for that, but I know that is just not reality for most people.
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    I can see how you may not have room to invite everyone with a guest, but you can make room for your WP, because they are special guests.

    But I don't really get it either.  In my circle, everyone thinks it's rude to invite single people without a guest.  I couldn't imagine not inviting everyone with a date.  :shrug:
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    I Googled some and the best I could come up with is that Emily Post doesn't say anything about the bridal party being treated differently or separately on the website, so that makes me think that the guest "rule" should be applied in the same way across the board. 

    http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/planner/guest_lists.htm

    Maybe popular opinion about the WP having plus ones even if other guests don't is similar to creating tiers of family when considering inviting some but not all children. 


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    My thinking goes along the lines of what Moscow said.  The WP is usually really busy throughout the whole day, have to be at the wedding early, etc.  If they dont have a SO who is integrated into the group of friends, what will their dates do?  THey wont know anyone.  I understand that giving them the option is great, however, I dont think its neccesary.  My FI and my brothers are both single, not seeing anyone.  THey arent going to have time to attend to a guest for most of the day, so most likely will not get a date.  However they both know if they start seeing someone and REALLY want to bring them, they can let us know.  All our WP members with SO's are invited with a plus one.  Actually, their SO's are invited personally because we know and love them!
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