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Thunder Stolen?

My fiance and I got engaged over Thanksgiving after 4 years of dating and we have set our date for early summer 2011 after he finishes up school. We have our hearts set on getting married at my parents' house and have already starting making plans and getting really excited. However, my brother just got engaged to his girlfriend whom he met three months ago and plan to get married right before we do. They also want to get married at my parents house (in which my brother has never even lived in). I feel that my thunder has been stolen and think that it is incredibly not fair that I have been waiting so long to marry my fiance and my brother and his new gf come swooping down and steal all my plans. Is it reasonable for me to be upset?
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Re: Thunder Stolen?

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    Thunder can't be stolen, it is a weather characteristic.

    In all honesty I would be upset too, briefly, and then I would be happy for my brother.
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    Oh just stop with the trolls already. 
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    Is this WW's attempt at an invasion?
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    I think it is reasonable that you are upset; however, there is nothing you can do about it.  Sorry that they did that.  Have you talked to your brother about how you feel.  I am very close with my brother and I would talk to him about it. 
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    1. Hello :)

    2. Learn that stealing thunder is impossible.

    3. You can't get 'dibs' on your parents house. It's their house too.

    I'm not really trying to be mean, honest.

    But part of me does think that you may be a troll. If not, apologies.
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    Be upset. But it will not get you anywhere, honestly. You cannot stomp your feet and demand he not get married first, and in a location you chose. 

    So, sit back and relax. Who knows? Perhaps their new-found-love won't last. 
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    Are you Zeus or Thor?  If not, you have no thunder to be stolen.

    Perhaps they have a good reason to get married at that time, she has a family too to take into account.

    No real reason to be upset.  It may be a bummer that OOT family may not make it to both weddings, but this is the way things go sometimes.

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    It's ok to be upset, but just relax. Your day will still be special, don't let it be ruined over something so small.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thunder-stolen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:454392af-3536-4941-87da-686b49b25ed4Post:0d609e60-c943-4170-8837-9da696398cf2">Thunder Stolen?</a>:
    [QUOTE]My fiance and I got engaged over Thanksgiving after 4 years of dating and we have set our date for early summer 2011 after he finishes up school. We have our hearts set on getting married at my parents' house and have already starting making plans and getting really excited. However, my brother just got engaged to his girlfriend whom he met three months ago and plan to get married right before we do. They also want to get married at my parents house (in which my brother has never even lived in). I feel that my thunder has been stolen and think that it is incredibly not fair that I have been waiting so long to marry my fiance and my brother and his new gf come swooping down and steal all my plans. Is it reasonable for me to be upset?
    Posted by bottole[/QUOTE]
    I understand how this can be frustrating. Look at it this way though, because you're wedding is AFTER hers it makes it easier for you to one up her!
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    Honestly, I would be pissed. It's the same location. If they were just getting married before you, I don't think it would be as big of a deal, but it's in the same freaking place.

    Can you move your date up before theirs? :)

    Keep in mind that if they just met and are engaged after 3 months, they might never see their wedding day together.
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    I didn't catch that it was the same exact location. That does really suck, even so, don't worry too much about it. You can still have an amazing wedding.
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    Did you talk to your brother? If you talk to him and he is not understanding, then just go ahead and plan YOUR dream wedding at your parents house and try to let it go. I would def say something, but don't be surprised if he is unwilling to change his plans. This stinks and I would be upset too, but I wouldn't let it ruin my wedding planning! So cry it out for 5 minutes and then let it go!
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    I think you should just keep your thunder. Your brother has something way flashier and better anyway.

    "Well, you know, because thunder always comes after lightning. Ka-CHOW!" - Lightning McQueen

    All the talk about thunder reminded me of Cars. And since you're being so juvenile, I thought you might recognize the quote.
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    CS- I did too :)

    I mean I'd be pissed too honestly.  I'd talk to my brother about it, but make sure you don't use the phrase "steal my thunder" anywhere or you will probably just sound whiny and he won't take you seriously.  Just ask why they chose that date and place, maybe there are really good reasons.  Discuss the reasons both of you have, and if it's really important to both of you, as frustrating as it might be to you, you will both still have fabulous weddings even if it's at the same place and right after the other.  There are lots of ways to make yours unique, so if talking to him calmly about it doesn't do anything, which it very well might not, just do your thing and have a great wedding!
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    edited January 2010
    You might be able to get a good deal on rentals if you book two-for-one or something.

    Look, you can be upset. Of course you have the right to your emotions. But how would you possibly act on this in a productive way? Throw a tantrum and have your parents make your brother change it? Stop talking to your brother? Sabotage his wedding? If it is too close and it becomes a financial burden for your parents or your OOT relatives aren't happy, its really not your problem. People will work it out.
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    really they have only known each other for 3 months and are already engaged.  Do you actually see them making it down the aisle that far out.  Relax and enjoy his happiness.  just think, if they stole your thunder steal some of her good planning ideas she didn't use
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    I feel ya!!!  My sister was pissed that I got engaged before she did (I'm younger), so she got engaged to a guy she had been dating for like two months tops.  THANKFULLY she got pregnant (that sounds far more horrible than I mean it to haha) so they got married like right away.  So no wedding to interfere with mine!  Sorry about yours--I was worried about the same thing =(
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    I get you being mad. seriously.

    As soon as FI and I got engaged, his two best buds popped the question and their weddings are one month before mine and one month after.  it defintately stole our thunder and initially i was furious.  it stinks, but i got over it soon enough. 


    be mad for a little, vent all you need - but you'll get over it, believe me.  you've waited four years to marry your sweetheart, and this new girl should not ruin any part of it. 
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    My Brother did the same thing to me.  They are getting married three weeks before me.  I have sat down and expressed my feelings with my bro. and the girl but nothing has changed. My parents even asked them to move their wedding date.  I know everyone says your day will be special and not to worry about it but that is easier said than done when you are in the situation. It is ok to be upset about it.
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    Did your brother know about your plans before he started planning such a similar wedding?  Is he the kind of person who likes be the center of attention?  If either are true, what he did would bother ANYONE.  But if he came across the idea and timeframe on his own, maybe he and his fiance have good reasons for where and when they want to get married.

    Also, how far apart will your weddings be - like two weeks, two months or what?  And do you have a lot of family coming in from OOT?  If that's the case, I think that's a legitimate reason to be disappointed.  Family may have to choose one wedding to attend if they're super close together, and I think that's unfortunate.

    Talk to your brother.  Neither of you have been engaged so long that you're completely locked into your wedding plans. If he won't change, you can.  You may have to give up your initial vision of your day, but if it's more important that you don't have such similar weddings, well, it's up to you.  Good luck!
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    wow, a lot of you are being MEAN to this girl. she does NOT need to "get over it". and why are you being so mean about her using the term " stole my thunder"? It's actually used quite often in life, so why should she not be allowed to use it in a post on the KNOT for goodness sake? 

    Those of you who say that if your sibling took your wedding location and got married in the same summer as you after you had ALREADY SET YOUR DATE; are liars. you would be pissed too.

    sorry hun that this happened to you. i hope your brother changes his mind about this quick engagement!
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    I kind of had the same situation, after being engaged a year my FI's brother proposed and now they're having their wedding in September 2011. We had been thinking about getting married in summer of 2011, because it's the best timing we could think of. Now my FSIL wants to go bridesmaid dress shopping and order dresses asap. She keeps saying mean stuff to me about "making sure nothing is the same" which I understand completely, but she's being really rude about it. She also keeps saying it will most likely rain at my outdoor wedding, I didn't know she can predict weather, and we have a plan b anyway. I want to strangle her, but then I remember that she's an idiot and doesn't have any creativity whatsoever, and that our wedding is going to be very kick ass.

    I say you steal the thunder right back from your fsil and have an amazing wedding. I would definitely talk to your brother too. Why are there so many bride wars lately!? lol
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    I think that you are well in your rights to feel hurt but there is  nothing that you can do except ensure you have a BETTER wedding than them, unique stuff, ideas etc. As a man, your brother may not understand what you feel so I don't think you can mention it to him. Just be helpful, get all their ideas and ensure your ideas can top theirs.
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thunder-stolen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:454392af-3536-4941-87da-686b49b25ed4Post:686eab17-8778-4e2f-8857-2755e3fe00db">Re: Thunder Stolen?</a>:
    [QUOTE]I think it is reasonable that you are upset; however, there is nothing you can do about it.  Sorry that they did that.  Have you talked to your brother about how you feel.  I am very close with my brother and I would talk to him about it. 
    Posted by luckyme502[/QUOTE]

    I do think you have a right to be upset.  If someone else close to me was engaged and they had been planning first, I would do my best to steer clear of their major plans.  It seems very inconsiderate to me.  But as LuckyMe says, there really is nothing that you can do about it other than talking to your brother.  Tell him how you feel: that you're happy for him but that you're really excited about getting married at your parents house and that you don't want to look like you're copying him.  If he doesn't change his mind, you'll have to deal with it unless you want to start a huge fight.  Good luck
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    Me and a friend from highschool have the exact same wedding date at first it bothered me but our weddings are very different from each other because we have different styles. Its actually almost been fun in a way b/c we share tips and bounce ideas back and forth.
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    I agree that several of you are being "childish" in your response. Obviously she is hurt and is coming her for advice, not for you to make fun of her.

    I kinda know how you're feeling. I've known my fiance for a year and he is in college, so our wedding is in 2012. Well his best friend has only been w/ this girl for 4 months and their supposidly getting married 2011. The problem isnt so much that our weddings are close or whatever, obviously their not. The problem is that my FMIL is now stuck up their butts about the whole wedding, even though he/she is not her child. He is like an adopted son to her b/c him and my fiance are so close, but that has really made me mad because I have questions that I would like to ask her and have her help with, but she's always with the other girl I can never get a word in edge wise. Its to the point now that I'm invisible when I go over to their house b/c the girlfriend is always over there. (Why she is at my fiance's house and spending the night and not at her own, who also has a computer, I'll never know)
    There is a problem with the fact that one of my locations that I had choosen and bounced off my FMIL, has now been choosen by the girlfriend. It was one of my top 3 picks, and now I feel kind of betrayed by everyone. I do agree w/ what some people are saying. I do have an upside about her's being first, and thats the fact that I have one more year to save money and I can use some of her idea's that she did, or didnt use. You have a right to be pissed and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I am extremely pissed and unforunatly have not said anything. (Mostly b/c the other gf is there all the time) Maybe I'll get over it, maybe I wont. You never know. TIme heals, but everyone is different. I hope that your plans dont get ruined and that your wedding is absolutely spectacular.
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    Damn that!!!
    Be upset!  Be down right pissed!  I would be too!  Although, I have to admit, I am a bit spoiled as the only girl.  So if you are the only girl too, play that trump card!  Your parents only have one daughter to give away to marriage and your soon to be sister in law needs to soak up her own family. 
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    I also understand your being upset by the situation. It can be a very frustrating one, especially if you and your brother don't get along well by nature.

    Is there a way you can look at the situation from another perspective? My FI and I will be attending 3 weddings in a month, one of which is ours. We are getting married one weekend, his best friend the next, and my brother two weeks after that. We were worried at first that this might be a problem for some, but instead we've decided to look at it as an excuse for a whole bunch of celebrating in a short amount of time!

    We'va also found that everyone has very different styles, so it won't even feel like we are trying to invade eachothers' special days. Our wedding will be large, but casual, FI's friend is have a large but formal one, and my brother's is going to be very small and exteremely casual. Is it possible that this will be the case for you and your brother?

    Also consider that this may be a great way for you to bond with your future sister. You can bounce planning ideas off of eachother, share expenses on things that can be used at both events and not be too obvious (like candle holders, and other such decorations), you can go dress shopping together, cake and food sampling together, etc. I think if you all are able to work through the differences, you could turn this into a wonderful thing!

    I hope this helps, good luck with everything!

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    first of all I am so sorry that you are having to deal with this situation. I sort of know how you feel in a way because my fiance' and I have been together for 4 years before we got engaged. We decided to have a destination wedding on the beach and have a small wedding, etc in summer 2010. Then one of his friends who is always competting with him even though my FI doesn't participate back bc he thinks its childish, decided to propose to his gf of maybe a year? and they decided to have a small destination wedding but they wanted to do theirs right before ours. This way all of their friends had to basicallly choose whose wedding to go to. I was so furious because everything we were doing they were doing. We have now changed our wedding and what we are doing because I am tired of them planning the same wedding right before ours. Now their friends don't have to choose anymore because we are just doing a catholic church wedding and no more destination so it will be much more afordable.

    I really hope that you can talk to your brother and make him realize how hurt you are and how much getting married at your parents house means to you and he will change his mind. Just be open and honest with him. Whatever happens I am sure your wedding will be beautiful and exactly how you dreamed it would be! Good luck and make sure that you keep us posted!
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