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Thunder Stolen?

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Re: Thunder Stolen?

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    you have a right to be disappointed, but it ends there.

    It is not unusually for siblings to get married at the same venue.  Actually, back in the day it was the norm.   Just let it go and move one.  Any other recations makes you look like a bittch.  Now it's only your FSIL and brother who look inconsiderate.









    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    The next time they are around and you hear them talking about the wedding just say "I think someone has stolen my thunder" ina german accent. It's a reference to the Tiki room at the disney parks when the reain storm hits. Maybe you'll all have a laugh.

    I do think you need to talk to your bro about his plans & yours. maybe it won't be so bad and you can help his gf with planning and you guys could consolodate on some things like it basic table linens & chair covers that might need to be purchased...you could get basci white and dress it up with your color bows, napkins & such.
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    Once you get over the hurt and anger. Look at the positive - youre FSIL is having her wedding before you. This give you a view of her tastes in wedding options to make your wedding better than theirs. Even be so kind to invite yourself along as she picks out her gown, bridesmaids dresses, flowers, etc. In the words of Martha Stewart - This is a good thing.
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    You have every right to be upset. But think of it this way....if something goes wrong with the location atleast you'll know how to adjust to make it right...
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    I WOULD BE SUPER PISSED!!! ITS NOT SO MUCH THAT THEY ARE NOW ENGAGED ALSO BUT TO ACTUALLY HAVE THE NERVE TO HAVE THERE WEDDING AT THE SAME PLACE. THAT TOTALLY TAKES AWAY FROM THE FACT THAT YOU GUYS ARE DOING IT THERE TOO. IF I WERE YOU, I WOULD VOICE MY FRUSTRATION AND IF THEY DIDNT UNDERSTAND, I WOULD CHOOSE ANOTHER LOCATION FOR MY WEDDING. TO HELL WITH THAT!

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    You have every right to feel like your thunder has been stolen. If my brother did the same to me (although, he's only 17 and isn't even thinking about marriage!!) I'd be furious. I'd take some time to cool down and then talk to your brother and express how you feel about how not only is he and his now fiance (trust me, don't say anything negative about being engaged after only 3 months. It will only make him upset, trust me - my fiance and I had been dating only 3 months before we got engaged and we hated the criticism) getting married before you, but in the same location. Talk to him to see if him and his now fiance are willing to choose another location. If I were you, I'd tell my brother that I love him and that I'm super excited for him and I am are looking forward to his wedding, but since we both want to get married at our parents' house it will make it less special. Perhaps there is another location that will be beautiful and meaningful to him and his fiance other than your parents' house.

    I don't think there is anything you can do about them choosing their date to be before yours... ugh, I hate it when people get engaged after me and married before me... several of my friends and extended family members have done that/are doing that. But talk to them about a change in location. You both have plenty of time to make decisions.
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    I'll be the first to admit I'd be super pissed.  Who wouldn't be, in all honesty??  That sucks. I'm sorry.  And "stealing thunder" is a JUST a saying, for all of those ridiculous people above who think you have no thunder to be stolen. Jeez!!! I think any bride has thunder to be stolen when it comes to her wedding day.  Some people need to get a life.

    Onto my advice... 

    Talk to your brother about it.  Let him know you're hurt and that this was your wedding day dream.  Seriously I'm sure a lot of your guests lists will overlap quite a bit, and it would just be weird to go to 2 weddings in one house within a month or 2 of each other.  I can see why you want yours to be unique and different from your brother's.  Talk to your parents about it.  Are they willing to host 2 weddings at their home within such a short time of each other?  Maybe her parents could host their wedding at their house and your parent could host at your house.  And also I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't make it till their wedding day as some other people above have posted.
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    edited January 2010
    hmm this is a bit of a silimar situation as ours so i would be very annoyed too. talk with your parents. see what they say & how they feel & tell them how you feel. maybe they will understand & since they knew of your plans before your bro's maybe they at least won't let him use the same place.

    i would be pissed if it was at the same place. lol. my sister [very insecure & always tries to compete with everything i do unnecessarily]. for example my FI & i had a baby this past june. we talked about it before we got pregnant & were discussing plans to get married [we've dated before this & known eachother for 9 years btw]. well since we apparently ''had the attention'' because of having our dd she had to get attention herself so she thought she'd do something of a similar nature because she is pathetic. she got married a year to the date she met her now dh. she is known for dating a long time & inevitably breaking up but talking about marriage early with everyone. basically very immature. she got married 4 months after we had our baby & tried to copy many of the things we had discussed with her & always said we wanted & were planning in on doing. 

    at first i was kinda pissed yes. then i realized we really want to be together the rest of our lives & have a real commitment she doesn't, [she was already admitting to rushing & regretting it 2 months later] that's what matters most & people will see that. [that & my wedding would easily be better than hers lol]. anyway we had hoped to do it soon but then we weren't going to do it right after hers so we decided to have fun planning & get used to baby life. we haven't set a sure date yet but i think we're going to wait til october/nov 2011. 

    maybe you could push it back a bit? at least & if it's going to happen this way i think it's better yours is second 'cause you'll know what they did & they they can't copy every single thing you chose etc. just don't discuss anything related to it with them & ask your parents not to either. 
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    After reading the first five or so replies to your question I have this to say first:
    You people are just mean!
    Now onto your question.
    Yes, I think your brother is stealing your thunder.  Talk to him and his fiance about it; tell them how you feel.  Also talk to you parents.  Even if nothing changes, perhaps just getting your feelings into the open and talking about it with your loved ones can help you come to terms with it.  I'm sorry that this happened; maybe I'm a little more sympathetic to you because 1 - I have no siblings and 2 - my fiance and I have been together for 10 years, just waiting for it to "feel right"...it FINALLY does, and I'll be damned if anyone is going to ruin it.
    Hope that helps.
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    My wedding was surrounded by weddings (3 months prior, 2 months prior, 3 weeks prior, 1 week after, 5 weeks after) and at first it bothered me, but in the end I don't think anyone really cared and I certainly got over it quickly. It was actually nice to have already seen family so that you could relax and not have to do the rounds.

    That being said, if my family member chose the same location as me in a short time prior to my wedding (2 months-ish) I would just change my locations. Really, the only thing you have the power to do is to change your plans. If it is going to bother incredibly much make the change. Is it really worth straining your relationship with your bother and future SIL? Are your parents going to feel awkward about it too? That's a lot of unessecary stress!

    That being said, if the wedding is 4-6 months prior I don't think it's a big deal at all. Wedding styles are so different and there are so many opitions to choose from!

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    I'm in a similar situation except it's with my cousin.  She is getting married in May and actually has encouraged us to get married immediately after her so that we can get discounts from the vendors her wedding will be using.  Look at it on the bright side- maybe you can get some discounts and it will be an opportunity to learn from their mistakes.  Who knows, maybe their wedding will give you new ideas.  I have already learned from observing my own cousin's wedding planning to not use certain vendors.
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    I know exaclty how you feel. That is extremely rude of them. My FMIL suddenly announced that she and her boyfriend of 10 years are getting married in October only after we announced that we were getting married in August before that she had said that she would NEVER marry again. WIERD!!!  Did your brother know about your plans? Did you parents know about your plans? I guess ultimately, don't let their offense offend you and ruin your special day with your man. Help them as much as they like - and don't critize - you will feel much better when all is said and done and you will have been the bigger person. Be humble and things will open up for you in a way that you cannot imagine - that is what I have newly discovered. Good luck and I'm sure your wedding will be lovely!
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    I would be extremely upset if my sister or brother was pulling something like this.  Thankfully, my family is so supportive that this would not really happen.  My FI's family however...I actually moved up my wedding six months for my FSIL, but she has still asked her parents not to help my FI and I with the wedding because she wants them to pay for everything for hers.  So the money we were promised for our rehearsal dinner no longer exists...awesome, huh?  I feel  your pain for sure, but rest assured you are a much better/classier person than someone who has the audacity to move in on your wedding plans.
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    this is a bit bitchy to say but if it bothers you that much then send your invites out first. that way your guest don't think you're copying your brother and his fiance. and like other people have said on this forum...one up their wedding. i mean you are brother and sister and you should be happy for them no matter what. but if it means that much to you than make sure you do it bigger and better.
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    I understand how upsetting that can be. However, just try to forget about it and enjoy YOUR wedding planning. And besides, all that means is that they will be done with their wedding while you are still enjoying getting ready for yours! Don't forget the importance and real meaning of your wedding day, and have fun at your brother's wedding.
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    i don't know what these people are talking about because yes your thunder was stolen! obviously you and your brother would invite almost the exact same group of family members, give or take some different friends, and it would be odd to go to two weddings within weeks of eachother at the same place.

    while this may seem petty to some, your wedding day (usually :p) only happens once and you deserve a unique experience! I'd move the wedding date up before the bro or get a different venue. is he older than you? maybe he was jealous that you were betrothed before he was so he is trying to marry before you do.

    call it healthy sibling rivalry, and girls always win! :)

    March 3, 2012
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    I think I would be livid if I was in your shoes. oh and traditionally, the bride picks the location, so if all else fails blame her! If it bothers you as much as it would bother me, I would consider moving my location to somewhere better... or somewhere THEY would have sentimental feelings for.
    bottom line, it only matters if you care, and I think your wedding will be alot less... shall we say... HASTY.  :)
    Congratulations on your special day I hope its everything you ever wanted!

    p.s. what happened to that old rule, if you can't say something nice don't say anything at all? does that not apply to message boards? because I wouldn't call anyone a troll to their face but I guess some girls talk that way these days...
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited January 2010
    What's up with the invasion of the trolls?

    Ok, be disappointed.  But if you are really jumping up and down about your thunder being stolen after 24 hours, you seriously have some maturing to do.
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    My fiance and I got engaged in 2007 and were definitely planning on getting married August 2010 (8 months after graduating from college.) My brother and his gf got engaged a few weeks later and wanted to do it right before us. So I know exactly how you feel. No matter how nice of a person you are, it is upsetting because you think everyone will be comparing your wedding to his. 

    Luckily, my brother and fiancee wound up getting married in Oct of 2009. But I now look back at their wedding and realize how different it was from what mine will be. Everyone has different styles and tastes and it comes across in the wedding planning. While certain aspects will be the same, like the location in your case, there are so many things you can do to make it unique to you and your fiance. Example, pick different vendors and switch up the color scheme. 

    I still recommend talking to them. (I did talk to my brother and he understood.) But if it doesn't work out like that for you, just make sure to remember that it is your special day and nobody can take that away from you! Good luck!
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    Obviously this isn't ideal, but I wouldn't make it into a competition like some others are suggesting. Create the best wedding for you and your fiance; it's unlikely to be the same as your brother's, even if they are at the same location. Your day will be about you. Then try to be happy for your brother. Maybe the timing was right for them.
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    You have every right to be angry and hurt at their callousness.  I think that you should talk with your brother about your feelings--maybe you could talk him into a shot-gun wedding since he has already had a whirlwind relationship.  In all probability, his relationship with this girl won't last long enough for the wedding to actually take place.

    In the meantime, plan your dream wedding!  Include personal touches that tell your love story.  That's definitely something your future SIL won't have!
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    In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_thunder-stolen?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:454392af-3536-4941-87da-686b49b25ed4Post:587e06f2-3e11-4e00-a083-b12e59d2a87b">Re: Thunder Stolen?</a>:
    [QUOTE]<strong>What's up with the invasion of the trolls?</strong> 
    Posted by MyNameIsNot[/QUOTE]

    <div>Holy influx of first-time posters. Wow.</div>
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    I say be mad. I would be really upset as well.
    The only thing you can do at this point is be honest about your opinions and talk to him and your parents about how you're feeling.
    And it's a figure of speech, to all of you who have been giving her crap.
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    I admit would be hurt, annoyed, and frustrated, too, but unfortunately also think (since I am not involved in your situation) that they get to have their day, too. I think this is one of those situations where, no matter how you feel on the inside, you put a smile on your face and make do.  You gotta support your brother.
    But don't feel time taking the time to be annoyed, too. :)  It'll all come around and even if there are some similarities, your wedding will still be YOURS and therefore unique and you will have a great day. :)
    And when all else fails - look forward to a fabulous honeymoon. :D
    (oh, and I'm sorry people are mean on here.  It's very disappointing how often they pop up and don't offer constuctive help.  Perhaps they never heard the "if you don't have anything nice to say, keep your mouth shut" concept.)
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    I actually see your brother choosing to have his wedding at your parents' house before yours a bonus.  I imagine your parents don't host a lot of weddings so there are bound to be glitches. Think of your brother's wedding as a test run to figure out what works and what doesn't. Then you can be better prepared for your wedding.
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    Don't tell her/them any of your plans! You have EVERY right to be upset! and I totally get the whole "stealing of the thunder". I wouldn't worry about it too much... time will tell. 3 months of dating? they may never make it down the aisle.
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    I am very sorry that this happened to you, and for the way people are responding to your post. Most people would be upset about this, me included. The best thing you can do is talk to your brother. If he knows how you feel and still does not change it, that is his problem then. They may have a good reason for having the wedding at that time and place, or maybe they would be willing to change it for you. Either way, the best thing to do is discuss it. Both your weddings are about people and families coming together, it would be a terrible thing to have a wedding put a rift between a family. I hope it all works out for you. 
    Plan your wedding the way you want it. They may have your venue, but they do not have your wedding!
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    *Waving the finger at the swoopers*
    Tell your brother you don't appreciate his bull**** and since you picked the location first, they should get married after you, or pick a new location. If he doesn't budge, you should pick a new one because you will not be happy getting married there after they stole your thunder :)
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    This same thing happened to me!  My FBIL got engaged after knowing this girl for four or five months, and said they were having the wedding at my fiance's grandparents house four months later, the exact same place my fiance and I talked about getting married at.  We even had already asked F's grandparents if we could use the location.  I was mad, but then I realized that since we have more time to plan our wedding (we are getting married eight months after them), we will just have to make ours even better. :)  It may seem childish, but I don't care.  Good luck!  You're not alone!
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    Wow, I feel like I've stepped into a twilight zone.  And not the vampire twilight.  The other one...

    Methinks this was staged by some other site.  Perhaps the one where there was an invasion or something...?

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