Invitation wording

Katoners

I need your help ladies. I have to get myinvitations done and I am useless when it come to these things. I know I have read countless posts about this and I still cant manage to find one that explains what I need and the more I try to fix mine the more confused I get abotu how the wording should be. I dont know where I should put extra spaces between lines to break it up or where to put the time. Ugh, Im sick of looking at it! Heres what I have:

Bride Middle Lastname
&
Groom Middle Lastname

together with their familiesinvite you to join them at the celebration of their marriage
Saturday the First of June
Two Thousand Thirteen 
S. Park
Rock Island, Illinois
Four in the afternoon 

Reception to follow


Any help would be hugely appreciated!

ETA: ugh, this stupid thing wont format right!!

Jen4948

Well, I'd change the line "invite you to join them at the celebration of their marriage" with
"request the pleasure of your company" because mentioning "celebration" suggests that the wedding has already taken place and this is a vow renewal.

I also think you need to spell out "and" between your names and "South Park" rather than use abbreviations or the & symbol.  (I personally really hate the & symbol), and use "at four o'clock" and not "Four in the afternoon." (People don't expect to attend weddings at 4am.)

Aside from that, looks fine although if you can give more specific information about where in the park your wedding is taking place that could be useful.

itzMS

I'm not a wording expert, but I think "invite you to join them at the celebration of their marriage" doesn't sound quite right.

What about

"Together with their families

Ann Susan Jones
&
Mark Robert Smith

Request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage

Saturday, the first of June
Two thousand thirteen
Four o'clock

S Park
Rock Island, Illinois

Reception to follow"

Knottie_22382049

I agree with PP I would move the "together with their families" part to before the bride and grooms names and rephrase the celebration of their marraige part. 

Katoners

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-wording-79?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:45802ce3-36e7-43d5-bb14-82935ab5dd51Post:f3cae680-7b8e-4ac0-8d2a-c7bb35e7f84c">Re: Invitation wording</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, I'd change the line "invite you to join them at the celebration of their marriage" with "request the pleasure of your company" because mentioning "celebration" suggests that the wedding has already taken place and this is a vow renewal. I also think you need to spell out "and" between your names and "South Park" rather than use abbreviations or the & symbol.  (I personally really hate the & symbol), and use "at four o'clock" and not "Four in the afternoon." (People don't expect to attend weddings at 4am.) Aside from that, looks fine although if you can give more specific information about where in the park your wedding is taking place that could be useful.
Posted by Jen4948[/QUOTE]


I thoguth the 'celebration of' sounded odd too but couldnt figure out what to change it to. And the park name will be spelled out, I just didnt want to put the name on the post (internet privacy and all).

Katoners

Any other suggestions on phrasing other than : 'Request the pleasure of your company
as they are united in marriage'? FI doesnt like that wording. (It is a non religious ceremony

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-wording-79?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45802ce3-36e7-43d5-bb14-82935ab5dd51Post:102a54f0-3e0a-484e-afd8-0edf124b297d">Re: Invitation wording</a>:
[QUOTE]Any other suggestions on phrasing other than : 'Request the pleasure of your company as they are united in marriage'? FI doesnt like that wording. (It is a non religious ceremony
Posted by Katoners[/QUOTE]

This is the wording you use for a non-religious ceremony.  Getting too cutesy, "creative," or "original" with wording can lead to confusion.

In Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, there is a letter from someone who misunderstood an "originally" worded invitation as being for a reception only.

Knottie_22382049

"invite you to share their joy as they exchange their vows" maybe this might work for the two of you?

Jen4948

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invitation-wording-79?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:45802ce3-36e7-43d5-bb14-82935ab5dd51Post:c984d89b-5d6d-4bbd-9265-5cc7808b0446">Re: Invitation wording</a>:
[QUOTE]"invite you to share their joy as they exchange their vows" maybe this might work for the two of you?
Posted by PrincessBride2016[/QUOTE]

I wouldn't use this.  It's the kind of thing that comes off as verbal PDA rather than informing the guest of the logistical information they need to understand what they're being invited to.