Opinions: Already sent save the date; do I HAVE to send her an invite??

kcollins11

Background info:

I was pretty good friends with this girl in high school, but we didn't talk very much after I went away to college. She has always been loaded with drama. She didn't invite me to her wedding (3 years ago). We kept in touch via Facebook, and my fiance and I went to visit her and her new baby in November. Because we talked about the wedding with her, I felt bad not inviting her, so I sent her a save the date.

I also invited her to the bridal shower, which was 5 mins from her house, but she never RSVP'd to my MOH, told me she would come but bailed on the shower, lied about the reason, and just chose to go shopping with some friends instead. That was pretty hurtful!

Now the question is...do I HAVE to send her an invite?? The wedding is in Northern California, and she lives in Southern California. I feel like I was being nice, and she blew it. I would be SO mad if she pulled that same thing for the wedding, and if we had to pay for her and her husband and they don't show.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Opinions?

kcscejal

Yes.  STD=invitation.

aragx6

Once you've sent her a save-the-date AND invited her to a wedding-related party you really have no choice but to send her a formal invitation. She's already been invited to the wedding.

I'm sorry that she sounds like a real ass. Hopefully she won't come!

jilld82

Um yeah you have to invite her.

LisaChris2011

Because we talked about the wedding with her, I felt bad not inviting her, so I sent her a save the date.

This is where some emotions/illogical thought processes will get us in trouble. You weren't close to her to begin with (after high school) but because a few words were exchanged about your wedding you felt you needed to invite her.  Apparently, she doesn't care to back in your life (i.e. didn't invite you to her wedding, didn't show up to your bridal shower, etc.).  Unfortunately, you need to send the formal invitation.

NOLAbridealmost

I didn't even read your post--just the title. 

Unless there was something in the post about her sleeping with your fiance when you and he were together then YES you have to invite her because by sending an STD you already did. 

noodle_oo

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_opinions-already-sent-save-date-send-her-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:461cb8aa-e631-41de-bb03-81e0213dbff6Post:91ad54dc-57d5-423d-b0f0-bfcfdba500f8">Opinions: Already sent save the date; do I HAVE to send her an invite??</a>:
[QUOTE]Background info: I was pretty good friends with this girl in high school, but we didn't talk very much after I went away to college. She has always been loaded with drama. She didn't invite me to her wedding (3 years ago). We kept in touch via Facebook, and my fiance and I went to visit her and her new baby in November. Because we talked about the wedding with her, I felt bad not inviting her, so I sent her a save the date. I also invited her to the bridal shower, which was 5 mins from her house, but she never RSVP'd to my MOH, told me she would come but bailed on the shower, lied about the reason, and just chose to go shopping with some friends instead. That was pretty hurtful! Now the question is...do I HAVE to send her an invite?? The wedding is in Northern California, and she lives in Southern California. I feel like I was being nice, and she blew it. I would be SO mad if she pulled that same thing for the wedding, and if we had to pay for her and her husband and they don't show. Thoughts? Suggestions? Opinions?
Posted by kcollins11[/QUOTE]

Yes you have to invite her.

emilyinchile

Is the search function broken for you? Because this gets answered pretty much every day.

Your situation isn't unique. Blowing off a shower is not the same thing as blowing off a wedding. Invite her, and stop making this into a big deal.

[Deleted User]

Invite her b/c you already sent the STD.

If she bailed on your bridal shower and has a new baby, it sounds like she may decline the invite anyway.

FutureMrsTR

I'll be the voice of dissent and say if you don't care at ALL about continuing a relationship with this girl (which it seems like you don't) then you don't have to send her an invite.  It is rude to do that, but if it's not someone you care about being rude to, of course you don't HAVE to send her an invite.

kcollins11

Thanks all! Looks like I'll be sending her an invitation, and that's what I figured the consensus would be.

It's really my fiance telling me that we shouldn't send it because he saw how upset I was by her bailing, and because I'm not that close to her anyway. But what do guys know about wedding etiquette anyway?

libbyloutoo

Yes she's been rude to you, but you shouldn't be rude back.  Send the invite and it sounds like she won't be coming anyway!

achiduck

You sent a STD which means you choose to send an invite as well. If she's as flaky as she seems to be she'll probably turn it down anyway.