So I've read the etiquette, and I know you are not supposed to send out "ceremony only" invites-- and as this is probably the wrong place to post this question since what I want to do is go against etiquette, I don't want negative comments just honest answers as to what you would do if you were me. Also any advice as to where I could post this other than etiquette is welcomed as well
So my older sister (who is 9 years older than me), is living with her boyfriend, and father of her third child (she has 3 all from different dads) and they will probably never get married because he told her to begin with he didn't want kids and she got pg to keep him. Anyway- as soon as I got engaged my sister started to come up with reasons she wouldn't be able to be in the bridal party (as if I would want her there-we've NEVER gotten along), so of course I politely made it seem like it was okay, "oh I understand you have a lot on your plate, I couldn't ask you to do even more for me" After that it was "well the boys can't be ring bearers because I can't afford their tuxes" I say, "I'll pay for them, you just have to let me take them for their fittings" Then it was, "well the day you picked is a bad day because we already have reservations with the kids for dinner that night for Adam's (her bf) birthday" Mind you our wedding date is NEXT December. So when I mention that she changes it to, "well we always do something for his birthday with the kids" two text messages later, "plus we are gonna get trashed" (How does she plan on doing this with a 2 and 4 year old and an 11 year old?). In between all these random reasons as to why she can't come to my wedding, she hears that I am having a "no-host" bar and is appauled (she's an alcoholic) and jokingly (i think) says, "we can't go to a wedding with no open bar!" At which point my fiance decided he didn't even want her there. But I am too nice to uninvite my sister for being, well, my sister. So after being informed that the real reason she doesn't want to go is she's jealous that I will be surrounded by people who care about me and are celebrating our love, and she is 32 with 3 kids and no plans of ever getting married.
My fiance wants to uninvite her altogether, but I feel like that would be really rude, since our wedding is limited to only family and bridal party, and we live a block apart. I think we should invite her to the ceremony only with a little card that says, "We know you have other plans for the evening, but we would love if you could be there with us when we exchange our vows" So that she knows its only the ceremony and she can't say I didn't invite her out of spite, rather it was so she could celebrate her bf birthday in whatever way she says she had planned.
Sorry this is so long, it's just a been a big debate for me. I was raised as an only child by my mother so my family on my fathers side (including my sister) has not been around much other than once a year until I was 18, and in the past few years they have been trying but not really. I wasn't even sure I was going to invite my father until recently. So would it be really that horrible to invite my sister to only the ceremony if I made it seem like it was because she had other plans? Put yourself in my shoes and think about what you would do, I know it's against etiquette, and typically I wouldn't go against it but this situation in particular is really sticky. Thanks in advance.