To invite or not? (I know what you'll probably say, but I'm *SPECIAL*)

rbtrumpet

Please note sarcasm in title...I don't need to get flamed today :-p

CN: old friend (now acquantiance, if anything) will not provide mailing address for me to send out invites.  Not sure if I should hand it to him (we're not handing out invites to anyone else) or just wait and see if he sends me a mailing address (which he said he would).


Long Version/Backstory:

FI and I are being pretty generous with our invites, especially with people at our church.  I am on our worship team, and I have invited everyone on the team.  We probably have about 80-90 people from church in total (and we only average about 100, including a large amount of transient visitors every week).

Well, there is one guy, we'll call him Bob.  Bob and I used to be in the same Bible Study a few years ago.  FI and Bob used to play basketball with a group of guys from church about a year ago.  Bob is on the worship team.

Bob is a man of very few words.  Even when I saw him every week, he rarely ever spoke (not just to me, but to everyone!).  Neither FI nor I talk to Bob very often anymore.

Well, STDs went out, then a few weeks ago, and e-mail asking people for mailing addresses so I could formally send out the invites.  About 5 people didn't respond, so last Sunday I went around asking them - everyone gave me a mailing address except Bob.  The semi-awkward conversation went something like this:
me: "hi Bob"
Bob: *nod
me: "FI and I would like to invite you to our wedding, do you mind giving me a mailing address?"
Bob: "I'll e-mail you."  *walks away

My goal was to have invites out this Saturday (yes, it's early - I have reasons, but that's not the point here).  Bob is the only person at church who hasn't given me a mailing address.  I could bring his invite in and hand it to him, but it might be awkward since he is the literally the ONLY person who we would do that to, and also I just don't feel like he is really interested in our wedding. 

Part of me wants to say, just hold off on the invite and if/when he send me his mailing address then send him one. 

But I figured you guys would know best

danieliza1127

I would just hold off on the invitation.  It sounds like maybe he's not interesting in receiving one.

Kati0105

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-not-youll-probably-say-but-im-special?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47aaa2cb-7a33-4102-9b3a-429a86c9a773Post:55975a17-9fa8-4259-b388-69ef7baa227a">To invite or not? (I know what you'll probably say, but I'm *SPECIAL*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Please note sarcasm in title...I don't need to get flamed today :-p CN : old friend (now acquantiance, if anything) will not provide mailing address for me to send out invites.  Not sure if I should hand it to him (we're not handing out invites to anyone else) or just wait and see if he sends me a mailing address (which he said he would). Long Version/Backstory: FI and I are being pretty generous with our invites, especially with people at our church.  I am on our worship team, and I have invited everyone on the team.  We probably have about 80-90 people from church in total (and we only average about 100, including a large amount of transient visitors every week). Well, there is one guy, we'll call him Bob.  Bob and I used to be in the same Bible Study a few years ago.  FI and Bob used to play basketball with a group of guys from church about a year ago.  Bob is on the worship team. Bob is a man of very few words.  Even when I saw him every week, he rarely ever spoke (not just to me, but to everyone!).  Neither FI nor I talk to Bob very often anymore. Well, STDs went out, then a few weeks ago, and e-mail asking people for mailing addresses so I could formally send out the invites.  About 5 people didn't respond, so last Sunday I went around asking them - everyone gave me a mailing address except Bob.  The semi-awkward conversation went something like this: me: "hi Bob" Bob: *nod me: "FI and I would like to invite you to our wedding, do you mind giving me a mailing address?" Bob: "I'll e-mail you."  *walks away My goal was to have invites out this Saturday (yes, it's early - I have reasons, but that's not the point here).  Bob is the only person at church who hasn't given me a mailing address.  I could bring his invite in and hand it to him, but it might be awkward since he is the literally the ONLY person who we would do that to, and also I just don't feel like he is really interested in our wedding.  <strong>Part of me wants to say, just hold off on the invite and if/when he send me his mailing address then send him one.</strong>  But I figured you guys would know best :)
Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]


Do this.  We had trouble getting addresses from people and we just waited until we received them.  I figure if someone can't be bothered to send you an address they can't possibly care that much about attending.

georgia_bride09

You've given him several opportunities to provide his address. I think by not giving it to you, he's telling you he's "busy" on your wedding day.

rbtrumpet

wow - actually not the responses I expected!

Yeah - I was thinking he probably isn't interested.  I probably wouldn't have even given him an invite, but thought it would be rude, especially considering that he would be the only person on worship team I wasn't inviting.


OK - thanks guys!

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-not-youll-probably-say-but-im-special?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:47aaa2cb-7a33-4102-9b3a-429a86c9a773Post:6ae2a072-9952-4c89-9eed-ff1ef712a94a">Re: To invite or not? (I know what you'll probably say, but I'm *SPECIAL*)</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah - I was thinking he probably isn't interested.  I probably wouldn't have even given him an invite, but thought it would be rude, especially considering that he would be the only person on worship team I wasn't inviting. OK - thanks guys! :)
Posted by rbtrumpet[/QUOTE]

I think you've made a good effort so it's not rude if he never ends up getting an invitation.  He knows you want his address, you shouldn't have to hunt him down to get it.

rbtrumpet

yeah - I e-mailed everyone once, and asked people in person once.

I'm not the type to beg.

It was really more of a question of do I just hand him one, or do I wait (and possibly not send him one).

nhelene

Does anyone at church know his mailing address?  I've been tracking down some of my addys through other guests.

If not, send him one last email and if he doesn't give you his address let it go.  You're not excluding him from your wedding; he's excluding himself.

quotequeen

It isn't rude to not invite somebody who refuses to give you his address - you've made your intentions clear and if he doesn't get invited at this point it's his own fault.

squirrly

You're on the right track.  If he emails you his address before the wedding, send an invite.  If not - don't worry about it.  Ball's in his court.