Adult Only Reception?

Chels7286

I am getting married in upstate NY, where my fiance is from. My entire family will be traveling from out of town to attend the wedding and will be bringing their children along. My fiance, on the other hand, has a gigantic family with dozens of small children. I feel bad making our reception "adult only" but at the same time, I dont want it to be complete chaos with so many small children.

How should I handle this? Is it rude just to invite the adults in the families or should I make it adult only?

qwerty777

A lot of people have adult only weddings. You can't invite the kids to the ceremony and not the reception though. Just send the invites with only the adults addressed on them, and if anyone adds their children, call them up individually and explain that you can not accomadate children.

laurenclaire1386

The FAQ's at the top of this board should give you some insight. There are also about 15 posts from this week on the subject. I do have a question, though. Is it just the reception that you want to make adult only? As in, parents can bring their kids to the ceremony, but not the reception? That seems like a huge PITA for any parents. If you don't want kids, don't invite kids to the ceremony or the reception. Some people will decline because of this, and that's a risk you have to be willing to take if not having kids there is that important to you.

Catwoman708

It is NOT "rude" to exclude children, but logistically, it's difficult for OOT guests to make other arrangements, and might mean more guests decline. 

No matter what you do, someone will be p!ssed, and give you a hard time about it.  Even if you have an adults only wedding, there will likely be someone who brings kids anyway.

My best suggestion, is to
 
(a) Keep it small and simple, and stick to your guns.  Start spreading the word the wedding will be small, close family and closest friends only, and skip inviting extended family or friends you havent' seen in a while.  Then  you will naturally cut down on extra children if you cut down on extra guests.  Or

(b)  Don't invite children, or only children over a certain age, and deal with the fall out as best you can.  "I'm sorry, we cannot accommodate children, but I hope you can still make it". 

*One of the hardest things to deal with is not how to handle those who RSVP with children, that can be handled with a phone call.  But getting the parents of the bride and groom to cooperate is the hard part.  They are likely to feel "stuck" in the middle between wanting you to have a nice wedding, and feeling like they are offending all the relatives with children.  Coaching them in advance on specific ways to avoid the issue or how to answer difficult questions will save you a few headaches later.

ehathewa

Why not just invite the kids? 
Kids =/= Chaos.  I went to many weddings as a kid (with my three siblings and 20 cousins) and I'm pretty sure we didn't ruin anyones special day.  We drank kiddie cocktails, ate cake, dances, and had a good time.  
If you invite just the parents, then you may get more declines than you are expecting. 

strlzfan11

Is there any way to limit the amount of kids you invite from your prospective families?  For example, you could invite all your first cousins (presuming some are older and some are younger), but don't invite any of their kids or the kids of any of your friends.  Generally speaking though, it is ok to make an exception to the rule for nursing infants as it is usually not feasible for a nursing mom to leave her baby alone for an extended period of time even if she can pump.

emyinpink

Definitely not an issue to not invite the children, but do it for both, not just the reception. If you have OOT guests, you may want to enlist someone from your family to let them know (FMIL is taking care of this for her side of the family), and offer to help them find a sitter (we're going to ask around to parents we know at work to find someone who can come to the hotel for them). 

Avoid wording like "adult reception." Your guests will make fun of you . PPs covered the proper way to handle it on invitations.

gailpete

As PPs have said, there is nothing wrong with an adult on reception.  However, if your relatives are coming from out of town and bringing the kids, it would be nice of you to provide someone to watch the kids while they are at the ceremony and reception.  I'm assuming your FIs family will be able to make their own childcare arrangements, since they are local.

You could also have a room near the reception hall that is set up to entertain the kids and invite all of the kids and have them in there.

JennaV26

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_adult-only-reception-5?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:47b6bb6e-d5b9-4db4-b870-0ac34540db76Post:c49b2c59-0258-470e-a915-1b465c1c08d9">Re: Adult Only Reception?</a>:
[QUOTE]  Kids =/= Chaos. 
Posted by ehathewa[/QUOTE]

Some Kids = Chaos. Especially the screamers.

Chels7286

Thanks for the input everyone! We have all finally reached an agreement (I think!)