Wedding Etiquette Forum

FMIL and where she sits

Hello All,

I have an interesting situation going on with my FMIL. She has informed me that she will not sit with her husband (FH Father) at the reception at all. Her family lives far away and her relationship with her husband is awful so she wants to sit with her family. With her family living so far away she has always felt like an outsider with her husband's family and that life has always focused on his family. Personally, I don't care where she sits but it is killing my FH and the people that she doesn't want to sit with are the ones that my FH is closest too. Plus it is throwing some wrenches in my seating chart, which is a minor problem and doesn't really matter. What worries me most is my FH feelings and I don't want his day ruined with "Why aren't your parents sitting together?" and having to explain her issues.

Any ideas on how to handle this, how to help my FH, and how to deal with the "trouble" my FMIL is causing?

Re: FMIL and where she sits

  • You should let your FI handle the situation with his mom.  If things get really dicey then just don't do a seating chart at all and have a few tables reserved for family - let them decide where they sit by themselves. 
  • i don't think it's your responsibility to explain.  they should be talking to each other-not through you. 

    good luck with a sticky situation

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  • Can you have your FI's parent's and your parent's sit at the same table w/wedding party (not with either side's family)?  Does she not want to sit with her husband because of their relationship or because they are going to be seated with his family?
  • You should not have to explain anything, if people realize they are sitting apart, people will assume they are separated.

    I understand that she wants to sit with her family, my parents are divorced so I was having the same dilemma for a while. Just sit your parents at one table, his dad & fam at one table, and his mom & fam at another. Just make sure they are the 3 closest tables to you so they feel like they are involved.

    Hopefully people will not ask questions of you guys, that would be rude, let them deal with their own issues.
  • Your FH and his mother need to discuss this and come to a decision together. There's really no need for you to be involved in it.
  • I agree, unfortunitly they cannot talk without her bursting into how awful they all are to her and no one cares about her (which by the way is totally not true or we would not be having this problem). She comes to me about all of this- she has no daughters and is a house full of men, I am the only female she has. My way of handling it is just to seat her with her family no big deal, but I am the one dealing with the upset FH becuase she wont listen to how he feels at all.
  • That's why you need to put it back on them to come to a resolution. The way it is now you can't win -- one or the other will be mad at you. Let them work it out no matter how angry or upset or whatever they get with each other. At this point, I'd just tell them both you can't do a seating chart until they come to a decision together about where she sits.
  • That sucks that you and your FI are in this situation. I think your accomodating attitude towards it will help the process in the end very much. I agree with PPs who say you need to let FI and FMIL sort this out themselves. I don't think that people would hound your FI about why his parents aren't sitting together either.

    Good luck with this situation. :)
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_fmil-she-sits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:47d6ca22-0f12-49b8-be86-542be10be091Post:e7d3ec01-7fd5-4490-9674-5cab6faa17f2">Re: FMIL and where she sits</a>:
    [QUOTE]That's why you need to put it back on them to come to a resolution. The way it is now you can't win -- one or the other will be mad at you. Let them work it out no matter how angry or upset or whatever they get with each other. At this point, I'd just tell them both you can't do a seating chart until they come to a decision together about where she sits.
    Posted by tenofcups4me[/QUOTE]

    This is excellent advice.

    You don't owe anybody an explanation.  If anybody actually does ask, which is highly unlikely.  Just tell them that is what FMIL requested. Done.
  •  I'd let your FI do the communicating with this.
    Maybe you can view it from the standpoint (and if anyone questions it explain it to them this way) that your parents are hosting tables.  I've heard of several couples separating their parents at weddings when they DO get along as well as a way to make sure family or family-friend tables are comfortable.  
    So, if they sit apart, just say FMIL wanting to host her out of town family properly at the wedding and ensure that they enjoy themselves so everyone thought it'd be nice for her to be at the table with them.
    Anniversary
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