nevermind - not the kind of advice i was looking for

melyssah

nevermind.  i guess i should have clarified more that people offered to help me do things i never asked.  when i finally did mention, oh hey i was going to do that thing now did you still want to help, their response was "no".  its fine, i just didnt know what to say to them.  there were a lot of nasty comments to my request for help, not the sort of thing i was looking for.  my mistake.  didnt want to come off of as a "whiny bride" with my "priorities out of wack".  as for the bachelorette party, to be clear, it coincides with my birthday so i was going to plan my own anyway and just invite my friends, as to not be more of a burden, and they still didnt want to even come.  i would never ask, demand, or expect any of my friends to do anything for me, the issue was that they keep offering and when it comes down to it, not coming thru.  its fine, again, i was just looking for suggestions on how to deal, instead i got slapped in the face, but i guess that must be because all of your weddings were perfect and you didnt need help with anything. so thanks again. 

btrflykate1230

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:3f985c4e-b8b7-4e42-a434-e444599305fa">nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]i am getting married in november, i know that is still a ways a way, but, there are some things that i need help with on the planning part.  i have all these friends who keep saying, "let me know what you need", so then when i do, they are suddenly unavailable to help.  for the wedding party i am having 3 bridesmaids, all my friends since i dont have any close female family members.  2 of the 3 i asked, i had to spend time convincing them why they should be a bridesmaids, they didnt want to do it.  and 1 of them after agreeing, stated on the contingency that she didnt have to do any planning of anything.  well, sorry to inconvenience you.  the other 1 has been nothing but a debbie-downer and everything i tell her im thinking about for the wedding, she finds something wrong with it or tells me im being unrealistic.  when i told her about my bachelorette party she said it was too much to ask of people and if i want people to show up i better do something more low key.  now, i am not in anyway high maintenance, i am a jeans-and-a-tee-shirt girl all the way, but i would like to do something nice um for MY WEDDING!!  i have no familial support (financial or otherwise) and we have received limited from his.  all these people want to COME to the wedding and eat and party but nobody wants to actually help.  how can i do this on my own, cheaply, and still look nice? and what, if anything, should i say to these people?  i have a bad habit of just letting people walk all over me b/c i dont want anybody to be mad at me, but this is my special day right?  thank you
Posted by melyssah[/QUOTE]

eastunder1

I feel that a pony will magically fix everything.

Here, have this pony.

See, better. 

beatlesgirl25

Where is your FI in all this? He/she needs to be helping you with the planning for your wedding that you decided to have. It belongs to both of you, not your friends or even your family.

btrflykate1230

Your first clue should have been that you had to convince people to be your bridesmaids. They are not required to do ANYTHING for you. Not a bridal shower, not a bachelorette (which it sounds like you are planning yourself, which is totally a no no), nothing.

Suck it up. Don't say anything to them... unless you want to look like a whiny bride.

louisvillebride21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:3f985c4e-b8b7-4e42-a434-e444599305fa">nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]i am getting married in november, i know that is still a ways a way, but, there are some things that i need help with on the planning part.  i have all these friends who keep saying, "let me know what you need", so then when i do, they are suddenly unavailable to help.  for the wedding party i am having 3 bridesmaids, all my friends since i dont have any close female family members.  2 of the 3 i asked, i had to spend time convincing them why they should be a bridesmaids, they didnt want to do it.  and 1 of them after agreeing, stated on the contingency that she didnt have to do any planning of anything.  well, sorry to inconvenience you.  the other 1 has been nothing but a debbie-downer and everything i tell her im thinking about for the wedding, she finds something wrong with it or tells me im being unrealistic.  when i told her about my bachelorette party she said it was too much to ask of people and if i want people to show up i better do something more low key.  now, i am not in anyway high maintenance, i am a jeans-and-a-tee-shirt girl all the way, but i would like to do something nice um for MY WEDDING!!  i have no familial support (financial or otherwise) and we have received limited from his.  <strong>all these people want to COME to the wedding and eat and party but nobody wants to actually help. </strong> how can i do this on my own, cheaply, and still look nice? and what, if anything, should i say to these people?  i have a bad habit of just letting people walk all over me b/c i dont want anybody to be mad at me, but this is my special day right?  thank you
Posted by melyssah[/QUOTE]

That's a wedding, sweetheart. You don't want people to get somethin for nothin? JOP it.

danieliza1127

The fact that you had to convince these girls to be in your wedding is a bad sign in the first place. 

The truth is, no one cares as much about our weddings as we do as brides.  You can't expect everyone to jump up and down for you and help you plan the wedding.  It's your job, with your fiance's help, to plan the wedding.

Also, you should NOT be planning your own bachelorette party or bridal shower.  Those are things that get thrown FOR you.  If no one has offered to do it, you don't get one.

ashmy211

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:05d284e3-4261-4c67-b9ba-4898d937c6b5">Re: nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]<strong>The fact that you had to convince these girls to be in your wedding is a bad sign in the first place. </strong> The truth is, no one cares as much about our weddings as we do as brides.  You can't expect everyone to jump up and down for you and help you plan the wedding.  It's your job, with your fiance's help, to plan the wedding. Also, you should NOT be planning your own bachelorette party or bridal shower.  Those are things that get thrown FOR you.  If no one has offered to do it, you don't get one.
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]
I also found this really odd...

jajph1974

Your bridesmaids don't have to help plan your wedding. You and FI should be doing that on your own.

The only thing your bridesmaids have to do is show up in their dress

You should not be planning your own bachelorette party.

[Deleted User]

I'm not gonna lie. It would hurt me too if I had to convince people to be my BMs. But expecting them to help out is unrealistic and is a recipe for a major let down. Just plan the kind of wedding that you want with the resources that you have.

wadingmoose

My answer is heavily influenced by what I wish I'd done.

Elope.  Easier, less expensive and you'll get a fantastic vacation out of the money you would've spent having the wedding.

salt78

OMG your friends are such bitches!!!

MyNameIsNot

You need a reality check.  Your expectations are way out of wack.

Planning your wedding is your job.  The fact that your BMs aren't even that close is a good sign that they aren't going to do anything but the minimum.  Asking for a b-party is ridiculous, and a huge turn off.  No wonder they don't want to be BMs.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

What exactly do you need all this help with? I've honestly had my FI make a few calls and schedule meetings, but other than that, I've researched and booked vendors and... that's about all I've had to do. I went dress shopping with my mom. And two of my BMs came dress shopping with me for their dresses. That's all.

akhensley81

I agree with PPs... this isn't anybody's responsibility but yours. If your friends help, awesome. But you shouldn't expect it.

Your question was, "how can I do this on my own, cheaply, but still nice?" - and my answer is one thing at a time. Use TK's checklist to help. Set your budget early - and split up your budget per item. "I can spend $$ on flowers, I can spend $$ on alcohol," etc. And bounce your ideas/problems off the girls on the message boards to help, too.

It's a daunting task, but you can do it!

CTGirl30

Contrary to alot of the wedding literature out there, it is quite possible to plan and execute a wedding w/o an entourage of BMs holding the brides' hand throughout the process. This is not rocket science and while overwhelming and oftentimes confusing - esp in the beginning - there are plenty of resources to help you. Someone mentioned TK's checklist - I found it to be really helpful. And the boards helped me alot, too. I hope you'll take our answers to heart and not just get defensive...b/c seriously, your perceptions are a bit skewed here.

The people who are responsible for planning a wedding are the two who decided to get married and have one - the bride and groom. And their wedding planner if they decide to hire one. But otherwise, your friends are off the hook.

And you do not tell people the kind of party you want them to throw for you. Nobody has to throw any parties for the bride. If she gets a shower or bachelorette it was because someone (not necessarily the BMs or MOH, btw) was nice enough to organize one and gift her with it. They take time and cost money and it would be a gift if you get one - not an entitlement.

psichick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:ed18a186-c390-42ae-b277-20227d46da8d">Re: nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]Your first clue should have been that you had to convince people to be your bridesmaids. They are not required to do ANYTHING for you. Not a bridal shower, not a bachelorette (which it sounds like you are planning yourself, which is totally a no no), nothing. Suck it up. Don't say anything to them...<strong> unless you want to look like a whiny bride.
</strong>Posted by btrflykate1230[/QUOTE]


you mean she doesn't already?

smokeybailey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:581dd9d8-d25e-4847-a962-979d01e7d622">Re: nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG your friends are such bitches!!!
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

I disagree.  I think ::looks around and whispers in Salt's ear:: <em>she doesn't have any friends.
</em>

jajph1974

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:481170f4-0c28-4968-9a09-90095b28ffe5">Re: nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: nobody wants to help me : I disagree.  I think ::looks around and whispers in Salt's ear:: she doesn't have any friends.
Posted by smokeybailey[/QUOTE]

Haha!

Seriously though, I think people have a total misconception about the whole wedding planning process because of all the stupid crap in movies and on TV

psichick

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:3f985c4e-b8b7-4e42-a434-e444599305fa">nevermind - not the kind of advice i was looking for</a>:
[QUOTE]nevermind.  i guess i should have clarified more that people offered to help me do things i never asked.  when i finally did mention, oh hey i was going to do that thing now did you still want to help, their response was "no".  its fine, i just didnt know what to say to them.  there were a lot of nasty comments to my request for help, not the sort of thing i was looking for.  my mistake.  didnt want to come off of as a "whiny bride" with my "priorities out of wack".  as for the bachelorette party, to be clear, it coincides with my birthday so i was going to plan my own anyway and just invite my friends, as to not be more of a burden, and they still didnt want to even come.  i would never ask, demand, or expect any of my friends to do anything for me, the issue was that they keep offering and when it comes down to it, not coming thru.  its fine, again, i was just looking for suggestions on how to deal, instead i got slapped in the face, but i guess that must be because all of your weddings were perfect and you didnt need help with anything. so thanks again. 
Posted by melyssah[/QUOTE]

seriously hun, think about this. you had to convince these people to be in your bridal party, they offer to help then back out when you ask, don't want to go to your birthday party/batchlorette party.......yea what makes you think that these are your friends?

MyNameIsNot

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:3f985c4e-b8b7-4e42-a434-e444599305fa">nevermind - not the kind of advice i was looking for</a>:
[QUOTE]nevermind.  i guess i should have clarified more that people offered to help me do things i never asked.  when i finally did mention, oh hey i was going to do that thing now did you still want to help, their response was "no".  its fine, i just didnt know what to say to them.  there were a lot of nasty comments to my request for help, not the sort of thing i was looking for.  my mistake.  didnt want to come off of as a "whiny bride" with my "priorities out of wack".  as for the bachelorette party, to be clear, it coincides with my birthday so i was going to plan my own anyway and just invite my friends, as to not be more of a burden, and they still didnt want to even come.  i would never ask, demand, or expect any of my friends to do anything for me, the issue was that they keep offering and when it comes down to it, not coming thru.  its fine, again, i was just looking for suggestions on how to deal, instead i got slapped in the face, but i guess that must be because all of your weddings were perfect and you didnt need help with anything. so thanks again. 
Posted by melyssah[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>Yep, you still need a reality check.</div><div>
</div><div>And you sound even whiner than before.  You don't have to have a perfect wedding to not act like a spoiled brat.  

</div>

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I'm still not clean on what you need "help" with.

Or why you're planning parties in your honor.

goheels05

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_nobody-wants?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48068c55-e9de-4f94-b77d-5d6a7d9f5e5aPost:bb33ecea-ac79-4092-86e9-82b51d36a9ed">Re: nobody wants to help me</a>:
[QUOTE]I feel that a pony will magically fix everything. Here, have this pony. See, better. 
Posted by eastunder1[/QUOTE]

I'll take it if she doesn't want it. 

jamiefour

The worst part is that even after planning her own party, still no one wanted to come.

kell0710

Why would you even tell people you had to convince these girls to be bridesmaids????  How embaressing and why would you set yourself up to get picked apart?  Way to bring down your self esteem....My personal advise would be to be careful what you post.....This $h!t is International, no one knows you and  no one is worried about hurting feelings. Face it-Girls are bi&$%#s! As far as planning, take one thing at time, get the big things out of the way and get all the DIY things done as soon as you can. Summer is coming, get a part time job to help pay for the wedding.