Uninvited baby....

ria5584

Hello Ladies!! I am hoping to get some advice on how to handle this....
I was speaking with my dad the other day and I asked him if my aunt and uncle (his brother) received the save the date that we sent out last month. He told me yes that he and my aunt would be attending the wedding along with my cousin and her baby. Here is the quandary.... I did not invite my cousin to the wedding. I did not even know that she is living with my aunt and uncle. Know, I do not mind at all if she comes to the wedding, that is not the problem... the problem is her baby. As cute as he is he will be barely one at the time of the wedding, and we were not planning on having kids there.  The are 4 kids invited to the wedding, but they are IN the wedding, and they are older. How on earth do I tell my family that the baby is very much not invited????  I love my family and I don't want to hurt any feelings but we don't want small kids at the wedding. Please help.

musicalcanadianbride

You simply call and clarify that the invitation was for the people listed on the envelope. 

BreanaThompson

You could call and explain that you aren't inviting kids to the wedding so while you don't mind your cousin coming you can't accomodate the baby. Though it may be easier to do what other people have suggesed and just explain the invite was only meant for Aunt and Uncle and not the cousin and her baby. 

ria5584

Thank you for the advice ladies!!!  I was thinking about doing that... or asking my dad to do it bc I'm a chicken.
 @ KindaSparkly... When my uncle told my dad about all of them coming to the wedding my dad didn't think anything of it bc it is family and he tends to think in the old school Italian way of "the more the merrier".... and I was seriously so stunned when my dad told me I didn't correct him right then and there... and in hindsight I should have.

beardownbchs

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:481ff334-8475-4d68-a5f1-fc37c5c38919Post:f510c1a3-d4ee-4ec9-973e-78d3cdeb3460">Re: Uninvited baby....</a>:
[QUOTE]Thank you for the advice ladies!!! <strong> I was thinking about doing that... or asking my dad to do it bc I'm a chicken. =) </strong> @ KindaSparkly... When my uncle told my dad about all of them coming to the wedding my dad didn't think anything of it bc it is family and he tends to think in the old school Italian way of "the more the merrier".... and I was seriously so stunned when my dad told me I didn't correct him right then and there... and in hindsight I should have.
Posted by ria5584[/QUOTE]

<div>If/when it comes down to it, please call these people yourself. If you're adult enough to get married, you should be adult enough to make a simple phone call. </div>

kmmssg

You can't be a chicken with your guest list or you will end up very unhappy.  First - educate Dad on invitation etiquette and how this all works.  Then, call your aunt and uncle and let them know the invitation was for them.  If there is any travel involved here you don't want them buying airline tickets and whatnot.

Jen4948

I think you'd better 1) make clear to your dad that only those persons listed on invitations are actually invited and 2) let your aunt and uncle know that the invitation is only for them and no other people.  And stand firm.

ridedatbike

On the upside the extra older cousin costs money the baby wont

j-harvey

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:481ff334-8475-4d68-a5f1-fc37c5c38919Post:12dd8e07-be51-449d-ab12-d6954db8a3fc">Re:Uninvited baby....</a>:
[QUOTE] Personally, I don't get why brides are so often more worried about babies than young school age kids, but it's your prerogative to invite whom you wish.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I completely understand your point that 4-7 year olds can be terrors, but I understand the concern about babies. They might just sleep, or they might fuss, cry, happy baby babble, fling toys, squirm down, and otherwise disturb the guests around them. Some parents will take distracting babies out immediately. Others will wait five minutes to see if the baby will settle down or see no need to remove a baby who is happy but distracting to their neighbors.

antibride2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_uninvited-baby?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:481ff334-8475-4d68-a5f1-fc37c5c38919Post:12dd8e07-be51-449d-ab12-d6954db8a3fc">Re:Uninvited baby....</a>:
[QUOTE]Honestly, it is a save the date, so I would leave it for now and address it if and when they return the RSVP for the actual invite. At that time, call and explain the invite was only intended for the people listed on the envelope. The only thing I MIGHT do now is have your dad mention to them that you guys are currently planning a child free wedding except for those in the WP. <strong>Personally, I don't get why brides are so often more worried about babies than young school age kids, but it's your prerogative to invite whom you wish.
</strong>Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

I agree with you Stage.  I just don't get it either.  When my cousin got married, (my ONLY cousin), my second child was 5 months old.  We had planned of course to come to NY from KY for the wedding.  His bride called and not so politely told us that there were no kids allowed at the wedding.  I was floored, never heard of that before.  We had planned to leave our 3 year old with a trusted family friend, but my 5 month old, I couldn't leave.  I was breast feeding.  She said we would have to leave the baby, and I then made the choice to not go to the wedding.  I of course turned out to be the bad guy, and even though I explained over and over, it was falling on deaf ears.  Makes no sense why this happens so much. 

However, even though I was told my kids weren't invited, I was still expected to send a shower gift and a wedding gift.  That was even more perplexing. 

Jen4948

As cute as babies are, they can't fend for themselves, they do need diaper changes and feeding, they spit up, they cry because they have no other means of communicating their needs (and the sound of crying can be unpleasant), they have to be looked after every second, they're usually off their routines, and they have fragile immune systems that can be compromised by exposure to too many people, especially unfamiliar people. 

Their needs have to be taken care of-they can't be ignored while the parent participates in the wedding and/or reception.  And if their needs are not taken care of, they cry, give off bad smells, and/or get sick, making it necessary for someone to stop celebrating to tend to them-perhaps for an extended period of time.

For some people, this is why babies are not invited-their needs can't be adequately dealt with at a wedding.

Unperplexed yet?