Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?

aurianna

I have a friend. Very sweet and non-confrontational.
She's getting married in a month and several months ago her brother and his wife offered to buy her wedding jewelry.
Not wanting to her their feelings she said OK (not what I would have done, but that ship has sailed).

So... she'd look around at jewelry she liked but they never really told her if she'd pick it out and they'd pay for it or if they'd all go shopping together or what their price range was and a lot of time went by and she didn't want to ask them about it if they didn't offer again.

Well a few weeks ago they asked her what she was thinking and she said she wanted a really simple sapphire pendant. That was met immediately with "aren't sapphires expensive?" and she said it did not need to be big.

So... they bought something at Kohl's. She has no idea what it looks like and supposedly it isn't online.
Her final fitting is this weekend and she wanted to see the necklace with the dress to make sure it worked with her neckline.
She asked her brother when she could have it and he said July 4 when they'd get together.
So yesterday she asked her sister-in-law if she could have it and was met with "No. You'll get it when I'm ready to give it to you."
Friend told her she just wants to make sure the length works right on her dress and her SIL says "It'll work. And we can't return it anyway."

I wish I had good advice for her... I know when you let someone else pay for anything in your wedding, you accept the consequences... but man.

Considering they've already dropped money on this thing (that supposedly you can't return at Kohl's??), my friend doesn't think she can back out of their paying for her jewelry anymore even though she'd really prefer to just buy her own now.

Is there any way for her to gracefully bow out?


CN:
Friend agreed to let Brother and SIL buy her wedding jewelry.
SIL is being very difficult and won't show her what she picked out.
Without knowing what it looks like or if it will fit her neckline, Friend would like to decline "gift".
Anyway out of it now, despite its being bought, paid for, and supposedly unreturnable?

Gabrielle76

I worked at Kohls for a summer, there return policy is crazy relaxed. you can return stuff with or without a reciept, stuff that was bought forever ago, etc. They pretty much let you return anything. I have a hard time believing that they actually can't return it. 

I think your friend should tell her brother "I really appreciate you wating to buy my jewelry for me, but I have to work out what I'm doing for hair and make-up, and I want to make sure everything comes together properly.  If you really insist on not letting me see what you've bought, I have to choose something else.  I'm sorry, but I want to make sure every detail comes out right!"  She could be good humored about it, but make it clear that she isn't about to agree to wear something she hasn't seen on the most photographed day of her life. 

What a wierd situation. 

starrynight84

I would plan and purchase my own jewelry. If the necklace looks wonderful with the dress when she finally sees it, great. If not, she can say it just didn't look right with the dress but is thrilled that it goes perfectly with her rehearsal dinner dress and wear it that night instead. 

Gabrielle76

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_presents-specifically-for-the-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:487f6f24-ba63-4fc3-b6e4-72516e473dc4Post:d6ad9854-f234-4ec9-bc6d-81a466865d47">Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would plan and purchase my own jewelry. If the necklace looks wonderful with the dress when she finally sees it, great. If not, she can say it just didn't look right with the dress but is thrilled that it goes perfectly with her rehearsal dinner dress and wear it that night instead. 
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

This is better advice than mine.  She should do this one.

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_presents-specifically-for-the-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:487f6f24-ba63-4fc3-b6e4-72516e473dc4Post:d6ad9854-f234-4ec9-bc6d-81a466865d47">Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would plan and purchase my own jewelry. If the necklace looks wonderful with the dress when she finally sees it, great. If not, she can say it just didn't look right with the dress but is thrilled that it goes perfectly with her rehearsal dinner dress and wear it that night instead. 
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

<div>Yep, no way would I not buy any jewelry and rely completely on this working out. I bought a beautiful pearl necklace to wear for my wedding. Stupid me waited until the day of the wedding to try it on with my dress, and the pearls were totally off white and very contrasting with my dress, and not in a good way. I had a necklace from H that I put on, but it wasn't the pretty pearls I had hoped for :(</div>

starrynight84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_presents-specifically-for-the-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:487f6f24-ba63-4fc3-b6e4-72516e473dc4Post:a155bf06-eb81-4313-b078-d9ccc9c76609">Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD? : Yep, no way would I not buy any jewelry and rely completely on this working out. I bought a beautiful pearl necklace to wear for my wedding. Stupid me waited until the day of the wedding to try it on with my dress, and the pearls were totally off white and very contrasting with my dress, and not in a good way. I had a necklace from H that I put on, but it wasn't the pretty pearls I had hoped for :(
Posted by whitsy[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>I bet your H liked your necklace, though!

</div>

whitsy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_presents-specifically-for-the-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:487f6f24-ba63-4fc3-b6e4-72516e473dc4Post:684aed88-0e60-42b7-9010-baee82cb6292">Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD? : I bet your H liked your necklace, though!
Posted by starrynight84[/QUOTE]

<div>He did, he thought it was a nice touch. :)</div>

MyUserName1

SIL is being a total weirdo.  Who on earth expects a bride to wear jewelry she hasn't even seen?  I bet SIL hasn't bought a damned thing yet. 

I'd drop it, buy my own jewelry and if SIL happens to show up with something fantastic, then wear hers, otherwise wear my own.  

ghowlett

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_presents-specifically-for-the-wedding-wwyd?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:487f6f24-ba63-4fc3-b6e4-72516e473dc4Post:e2de8ab1-587f-46bc-a764-178160c7ed1c">Re: Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?</a>:
[QUOTE]SIL is being a total weirdo.  Who on earth expects a bride to wear jewelry she hasn't even seen? <strong> I bet SIL hasn't bought a damned thing yet.</strong>  I'd drop it, buy my own jewelry and if SIL happens to show up with something fantastic, then wear hers, otherwise wear my own.  
Posted by MyUserName1[/QUOTE]

I thought the same thing.  And like someone else said, Kohl's has an excellent return policy.

2012FutureMrsB

I had a lady at my church make me some jewelry and surprised me one day with it. I had no idea that she was even planning this. She made a necklace and earings. It was a bit awkward telling her that I wasn't even going to wear a necklace b/c I had a halter top with a lot of beadwork and sparkle and that I had already picked out my earrings.

She was a little sad, but there was nothing I could do at the moment. She gave them to me anyway, and then I had the idea of wearing them to the rehearsal. We even invited her to the rehearsal b/c she made our flowers and we wanted to thank her, so it all worked out.

So there's an idea - OP, let your friend know that if it doesn't "fit" she could wear it to the rehearsal and just buy her own wedding necklace.

(Edit for clarity)

WildMagelet

I also like the idea of wearing it to the RD if it doesn't work out!

And no returns at Kohls?  I call BS.  You can return *anything* at Kohls.  They're crazy relaxed like Wal*mart.

rsaleh84

In Response to Presents specifically for the wedding. WWYD?:
[QUOTE"No. You'll get it when I'm ready to give it to you."
Posted by aurianna[/QUOTE]

Wow...I can't believe she actually said this!  I think this would bother me more than anything else about this situation...She's a woman and should know how important it is to have your entire look put together, so for her to say something like this is just hurtful.

QueerFemme

I would probably say something along the lines of Gabrielle's suggestion.  If for no other reason than to let them know that they are being asssshats about the whole situation and messing with my flow.  But, I'm confrontational that way.

It probably is better to just buy her own jewelry, and see if the sapphire ever shows up and then don't wear it if it doesn't "go" and deal with the fall out of not wearing it on the day.

aurianna

Thanks all!

Honestly I don't even know if they got her a sapphire. It's a mystery.
I'll suggest her wearing whatever they give her to the RD if she doesn't think it will work with the dress... however that will be a bust if they wait until the RD to give it to her, which I wouldn't put past this gal.
I met her at the shower and I did not get a warm fuzzy feeling...

I was just worried people would think it would be a huge etiquette breach for her to not wear whatever it was to the wedding. Glad that doesn't seem to be the consensus.

VJones1981

I don't really have any advice, but you can return almost anything at Kohl's. You don't even need a reciept.