Inviting FSIL to *all* showers

elizabeth121985

I know that the mother of the groom gets invited to every bridal shower (or they do according to etiquette in my small town), but does the sister of the groom also get invited to all showers?

We get along okay, and she is in the wedding as a courtesy to the groom, but to be honest she's not exactly the most pleasant person ever.  If she doesn't have to be there, then I would rather only invite her to say, half the showers versus all of them.

I realize that she'll be a huge part of my life, so I don't want to ruffle any feathers if this is something that would be considered offensive.

mespence47

How many showers are you having? geez. 

baystateapple

If you are inviting the mother of the groom, it would be polite to extend an invitation to the sister of the groom too.  Especially if the MOG is attending a shower thrown by people she doesn't know.  My MIL came to my CT shower (H's family lives in MA so I had two showers), and she was petrified of coming when she didn't know anybody.  My BMs told her to bring a guest; she brought H's aunt and felt very much at ease with someone else she knew there.

Also -- an invite doesn't necessarily mean that FSIL is going to attend.  She may decline.

futurepivko

if you think it will cause problems if you dont invite her, then do. she is your FSIL, so it doesnt matter if shes not the most pleasant person in the world, shes gonna be there for a LONG time. if she doesnt come, she doesnt come, but you tried.

midgetthemighty

BMs are generally invited to all of the showers as well, so if she is a BM (which is what I understood) then extend an invitation. They only have to bring a gift to one and they can decline if they don't want to come.

jessicabessica

If you are inviting the other members of the wedding party to all showers, I would definitely invite her.  I think generally people invite the wedding party to all showers with the understanding that it's a nice thing to do, but it's not expected that they attend (I had one shower and no bridesmaids, so I can't speak from experience). 

I echo mespence, though--how many showers are you having?

hlq2011

In defense of how many showers the OP may be having (though she hasn't said), I had three.  I have divorced parents (nasty divorce), so one for each side (they live in Massachusetts), and then had one with FI's family and local friends where I live in Maryland.

I had FI's sisters invited to all three, though they didn't come to the two in Mass., as expected.

I think you should invite her, ESPECIALLY if you're inviting your FMIL, because it will look like a slap in the face to her if you don't.

firsttimersluck

If she's in the wedding party, she should have an invite. The only instance I can understand where she may not be invited is if, for example, you had a shower with JUST your co-workers or JUST your gym friends or something along those lines... But if your FMIL is invited, she is, and if the BM's are invited, she is.
Sorry. I have a hit and miss FSIL as well. I'm hoping including her in things will bring us a little closer.

SoonToBeMrsK12

One of the nice things about showers is that usually the bride is put on display, and doesn't necessarily have to interact with every guest. I'd say invite her, but just don't feel the need to seek her out - if she's going to more than one anyway, she shouldn't feel slighted by not getting your undivided attention at one or two.

Milsey32

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-fsil-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:48dfca7b-b4b7-4d9d-806b-be0133504583Post:c4b4cd5e-d804-443f-a2ea-e106b6c44fee">Re: Inviting FSIL to *all* showers</a>:
[QUOTE]One of the nice things about showers is that usually the bride is put on display, and doesn't necessarily have to interact with every guest. I'd say invite her, but just don't feel the need to seek her out - if she's going to more than one anyway, she shouldn't feel slighted by not getting your undivided attention at one or two.
Posted by SoonToBeMrsK12[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Agreeeeed.</div><div>
</div><div>And FYI - I'm having 4 showers. I'm very grateful that multiple people are willing to host a shower for me and it's budget friendly for the host if there are less people than one big one. (1 shower for my Dad's family, 1 shower for my Mom's family & FI's family, 1 shower for my mom's friend's that have known me since birth, and 1 shower for my friends)</div>

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-fsil-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48dfca7b-b4b7-4d9d-806b-be0133504583Post:bbabb55b-5026-412b-b418-1e826a7a5cc2">Re: Inviting FSIL to *all* showers</a>:
[QUOTE]If you are inviting the other members of the wedding party to all showers, I would definitely invite her.  I think generally people invite the wedding party to all showers with the understanding that it's a nice thing to do, but it's not expected that they attend (I had one shower and no bridesmaids, so I can't speak from experience). <strong> I echo mespence, though--how many showers are you having?
</strong>Posted by jessicabessica[/QUOTE]

I'm having 9 showers, which I would rather not debate (that's already been done in another post). 

I'm not inviting all of my BM's to all the showers because there are so many....they have a life and I don't want my wedding to consume them.  I'll invite them to a select few and ask that they only come to enjoy the day and not to bring a gift.....their involvement in my wedding is a big enough gift.

After hearing everyone's thoughts I will make sure and invite her to anything the FMIL is invited to.  I didn't want to seem rude, but also didn't know what was customary/appropriate.

Thank you all so very much for the feedback :)

ahhhitsshannyn

In that case I think you do not have to invite anyone to 9 showers. I do not have 9 days to spend watching you open gifts, and I doubt your friends and family do either.

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-fsil-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48dfca7b-b4b7-4d9d-806b-be0133504583Post:acd59beb-2175-47f0-b7b7-23da3a787dee">Re: Inviting FSIL to *all* showers</a>:
[QUOTE]In that case I think you do not have to invite anyone to 9 showers. I do not have 9 days to spend watching you open gifts, and I doubt your friends and family do either.
Posted by ahhhitsshannyn[/QUOTE]

My thoughts exactly.  My friends have lives, activities and interests which do not include me and my wedding.  I wouldn't want to burden them with so many events which is why they're not being invited to them all.

baystateapple

Is your FMIL really coming to all nine showers?

elizabeth121985

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-fsil-showers?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:48dfca7b-b4b7-4d9d-806b-be0133504583Post:32af6d43-831d-4be6-9b14-ebce7dbb2d30">Re: Inviting FSIL to *all* showers</a>:
[QUOTE]Is your FMIL really coming to all nine showers?
Posted by baystateapple[/QUOTE]

Yes.  She pushed for more showers because we had women who wanted to throw them.  I already feel like 9 in excessive, so we turned them down or asked friends to combine their efforts.

firsttimersluck

OMG you are one loved (and brave) woman. Yeah... agreed. I dont think she needs to be invited to all of those.. 2 or 3 maybe. not all nine.. i think she would feel a litlte force to go to all nine since your MIL is, so itll be a win-win if you don't :P