rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?

pcck339

So my future MIL is in charge of our rehearsal dinner and has decided to open it to all out of town guests which means we will have somewhere around 90-100 people there.  She doesn't have much money and has decided that the rehearsal dinner will probably be pizza.  Regardless of the fact that I (the bride) cannot eat pizza as I am on a gf diet, is it tacky to have this many people and then serve pizza?

Calypso1977

what is a gf diet?

if you wanted somethign different, you should have paid for your own RD.

opalsky007

I think pizza is fine, just make sure any invitations you issue clue people in to the fact that it will be a casual affair.

Your last option on the poll there isn't a good one. If you invite people to dinner, it needs to be dinner, not finger foods. And you should never extend an invitation hoping that people will turn it down.

emilyinchile

I don't like any of your options. Pizza's totally fine, but I don't think you as the bride should bring in your own meal in Tupperware or something - that looks like you don't want to eat the food that's good enough for your guests. I vote for pizza and a GF option that works for you and would also be available to the other guests.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

I assume GF means gluten free?

I think pizza is fine too - especially with that amount of people.

TheCranberry

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:1d8fc1b7-fc4c-43b7-9f00-602668d1ca52">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't like any of your options. Pizza's totally fine, but I don't think you as the bride should bring in your own meal in Tupperware or something - that looks like you don't want to eat the food that's good enough for your guests. I vote for pizza and a GF option that works for you and would also be available to the other guests.
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Yes, I was going to say this.  Most pizza/pasta places serve salads, and you can order a few of those with grilled chicken and/or shrimp for people to put on top to make it a heartier option.

I assume GF = gluten free.

pcck339

gf is a gluten free diet.  I cannot eat gluten or it could cause me to miscarry if I get pregnant right after we are married.  I as a rule have no problem with pizza apart for the gluten issue and I offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner but she won't let me be involved at all with it. 
It is looking like she will be ordering pizza and I will just be making some gluten free pizzas for me and our other guests that cannot eat gluten

SaraAndrew2010

GF = gluten free

I don't see anything tacky about pizza.  RD's don't have to be a super formal thing.  And if your FMIL is paying for it, she gets to decide the formality and how many people to invite.

The pizza place doesn't serve salad or anything else you could eat?

waltzingmatilda13

I don't completely dislike the pizza, but it's pretty rude of your FMIL to serve food that you can't even eat. Could you try to talk her into something else, like BBQ or offering other options with pizza?  Does she know that you are on a gluten free diet?

Calypso1977

how can she "not let you be involved" with the RD at all?  its your wedding!

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:03db1187-54e1-4f00-b197-73ed5ffd1524">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't completely dislike the pizza, but it's pretty rude of your FMIL to serve food that you can't even eat. Could you try to talk her into something else, like BBQ or offering other options with pizza?  Does she know that you are on a gluten free diet?
Posted by waltzingmatilda13[/QUOTE]

yes she knows I am on a gluten free diet.  In fact several of her relatives are as well.  She just assumed that I could just bring my own food and something for the others that cannot eat gluten. 

If I make the gluten free pizzas it won't be horribly difficult, its just a headache I didn't need.  I might check with the caterer at one of our restaurants in town and see what they have to offer.  The problem is my mil doesn't really want my input.  She wants this to be her thing.  We tried talking to her about it last night.  She tends to get an idea in her head and then be unwilling to budge

impslave

I've seen several restaurants begin to offer gluten-free menu options.  Give the place your FMIL has in mind a call and ask if they have gluten-free pizzas.

And ditto the PP - if your FMIL knows that you have a gluten allergy, she shouldn't have thought of pizza.  My MIL is allergic to pretty much everything, so we were very careful when we considered our RL and reception menus.

If she's worried about the expense, BBQ or a family-style place can be just as cost-effective.

EDIT:  Just saw you say that your FMIL knows about your diet.  Geezus.  

ehathewa

We are having our RD in the party room at Pizza Hut.  Pizza isn't tacky, it is delicious.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:17cd7ad2-ef8c-46d5-bb9c-664083c2678d">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : yes she knows I am on a gluten free diet.  In fact several of her relatives are as well.  She just assumed that I could just bring my own food and something for the others that cannot eat gluten.  If I make the gluten free pizzas it won't be horribly difficult, its just a headache I didn't need.  I might check with the caterer at one of our restaurants in town and see what they have to offer.  The problem is my mil doesn't really want my input.  She wants this to be her thing.  We tried talking to her about it last night.  She tends to get an idea in her head and then be unwilling to budge
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]

Sorry but she's an idiot.  Why would she make an assumption like that?  If she's hosting the damn dinner, she's the one who should be providing acceptable options for the guests, not you.  If she wants to serve pizza, great - but I think it's her responsibility to figure out the gluten free pizza options. 

She wants this to be her thing?  She should at least be able to figure out something for you to eat without assuming that you'll bring something on your own.  That's horribly bad on her part.

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:d5812d20-d01e-42db-8a5c-97897dbb7412">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I've seen several restaurants begin to offer gluten-free menu options.  Give the place your FMIL has in mind a call and ask if they have gluten-free pizzas. And ditto the PP - if your FMIL knows that you have a gluten allergy, she shouldn't have thought of pizza.  My MIL is allergic to pretty much everything, so we were very careful when we considered our RL and reception menus. If she's worried about the expense, BBQ or a family-style place can be just as cost-effective.
Posted by impslave[/QUOTE]


she is currently thinking of just ordering from pizza hut.  We do have a restaurant in town that does pizza (Green Mill) they are a bit more expensive but then we would have the salad option.  I'm going to give their catering person a call to see what options we would have.

emilyinchile

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:b64a6136-ed14-43d7-8c4b-77fc43ca20b4">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]gf is a gluten free diet.  I cannot eat gluten or it could cause me to miscarry if I get pregnant right after we are married.  I as a rule have no problem with pizza apart for the gluten issue and I offered to pay for the rehearsal dinner but she won't let me be involved at all with it. <strong> It is looking like she will be ordering pizza and I will just be making some gluten free pizzas for me and our other guests that cannot eat gluten</strong>
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]

That sounds good to me (although I'm sorry your FMIL is being insensitive to this issue).

Also, I had no idea that gluten caused gluten-intolerant people to miscarry at all, much less if you ate it before even being pregnant!

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:93dac231-a19d-4161-8cec-2232bc332a74">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]how can she "not let you be involved" with the RD at all?  its your wedding!
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]


HAHA!  I totally know what you mean.  I'm not to be involved in the RD or the brunch the day after.  Those are hers.  I get the wedding.  (Her words, not mine)
She eloped when she got married and I think she regrets that now and is viewing this as her event....I don't know. 

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:5921a11a-8e01-4d3d-ad9f-6bef2ad85c09">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : That sounds good to me (although I'm sorry your FMIL is being insensitive to this issue). Also, I had no idea that gluten caused gluten-intolerant people to miscarry at all, much less if you ate it before even being pregnant!
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Yes, its amazing the affect that gluten has on the bodies of those of us that cannot handle it.  I have to be super strict gluten free for 6 months before trying to get pregnant or it can cause miscarriage or severe problems for me and the baby. Scary! 

AliGirl11

I know your MIL gets to choose where to host the RD since she's hosting, and also gets to invite anyone she wants, but a 90 - 100 person rehearsal dinner sounds ridiculous to me.  That's like the size of my wedding itself!  Also, your MIL is being really insensitive to your dietary restrictions.  So, no help, just sorry that you're having to deal with this.  She sounds like a real peach  

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:1dec8359-a35f-48ee-a0cd-0fb627113fb0">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : Yes, its amazing the affect that gluten has on the bodies of those of us that cannot handle it.  I have to be super strict gluten free for 6 months before trying to get pregnant or it can cause miscarriage or severe problems for me and the baby. Scary! 
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]


I know a couple people who eat gluten free just because of the health benefits but I'm pretty surprised that there are lots of people in your circle who physically just can't eat gluten.  Is this more common than I realize?  I'm interested in this.

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:87eee2ee-5231-4d95-8b81-354647a4203c">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : I know a couple people who eat gluten free just because of the health benefits but I'm pretty surprised that there are lots of people in your circle who physically just can't eat gluten.  Is this more common than I realize?  I'm interested in this.
Posted by AllAboutTheBenjamin[/QUOTE]

Well, Celiac's disease tends to be genetic so that is probably why we have more than the average but the last stats I saw it does affect roughly 1-3% of the population.  I had migraines for years (like every single day migraines) until I went gluten free as well as digestive problems and chronic illnesses.

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:17cd7ad2-ef8c-46d5-bb9c-664083c2678d">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : yes she knows I am on a gluten free diet.  In fact several of her relatives are as well.  She just assumed that I could just bring my own food and something for the others that cannot eat gluten.  If I make the gluten free pizzas it won't be horribly difficult, its just a headache I didn't need.  I might check with the caterer at one of our restaurants in town and see what they have to offer.  The problem is my mil doesn't really want my input.  She wants this to be her thing.  We tried talking to her about it last night.  She tends to get an idea in her head and then be unwilling to budge
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]

Well I can understand her wanting it to be her "thing". I would just go ahead and let her run with this plan, because like I said, I don't hate it. You'll just have to be the bigger person here and make some food for those of you on a GF diet. Just make sure that those pizzas are clearly marked so the few of you on GF diets don't starve because someone else ate your food. And I like the idea the someone else had of offering salads with protein options as something a little healthier. It's always good to have a variety.

ETA: And I'm sorry you FMIL is being so insensitive to your dietary needs. She should definitely foot the bill for this, even if you have to make your own. Hopefully you can find someplace to make them for you. If you need to, get your FI to speak with his mother about why you need GF options.

Meg1979

I don't think it's tacky to have that many people, but it seems like another reception.  Are you sure you can't cut down on the list a little?  If she's not letting you cut down the list, then that's understandable.  It just seems like a lot of people.

AllAboutTheBenjamin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:ba3a4117-47b9-43d0-9f6f-a56be4439453">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : Well, Celiac's disease tends to be genetic so that is probably why we have more than the average but the last stats I saw it does affect roughly 1-3% of the population.  I had migraines for years (like every single day migraines) until I went gluten free as well as digestive problems and chronic illnesses.
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]

Oh, Celiac's disease - I have heard of this.  So it definitely makes sense in your circle.

I still can't believe your FMIL is doing this.  I mean, what if you were allergic to nuts and she wanted to serve brownies with nuts at your rehearsal dinner?  Would she tell you to just pick the nuts out of the brownies, or to bring your own brownies without nuts?

She sucks.

pcck339

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:0068b7c8-e6e9-4776-a8f6-ff724b483c07">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think it's tacky to have that many people, but it seems like another reception.  Are you sure you can't cut down on the list a little?  If she's not letting you cut down the list, then that's understandable.  It just seems like a lot of people.
Posted by Meg1979[/QUOTE]

It is a lot of poeple but she is insistant that she wants to include ALL out of town guests.  The problem is 80% of our guest list is out of towners. 

waltzingmatilda13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:ee74818e-c344-49a5-bef6-3e241ba866f9">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : It is a lot of poeple but she is insistant that she wants to include ALL out of town guests.  The problem is 80% of our guest list is out of towners. 
Posted by pcck339[/QUOTE]

My MIL was insistent on all OOT guests as well, but we managed to talk her down to a traditional RD with the WP and family only and then a dessert party at her house. It was much cheaper and much much easier.

kikibaby

I can't believe so many people are voting for the bride to bring her own food.  Seriously?  She should not have to do that.  Nobody should have to bring their own food to a party.  MIL needs to find a better option to suit all of the guests.

Manwaithiel

Ummm, regardless of what she is telling you, you CAN say "Thanks, but no thanks," and host the dinner yourselves. Tell her that you appreciate the offer, but what she's planning is not acceptable for you or your guests and you'll take care of the dinner. She is being EXTREMELY rude assuming that people should just bring food to a dinner she's supposed to be hosting. How awful.

If she throws a fit, your FI needs to step in and tell her that your decisions are final.

Manwaithiel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rehearsal-dinner-this-tacky?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4907bcbe-9386-488c-ae30-f39585fc8f09Post:5921a11a-8e01-4d3d-ad9f-6bef2ad85c09">Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: rehearsal dinner - is this tacky? : That sounds good to me (although I'm sorry your FMIL is being insensitive to this issue). Also, I had no idea that gluten caused gluten-intolerant people to miscarry at all, much less if you ate it before even being pregnant!
Posted by emilyinchile[/QUOTE]

Emily, why do you think her bringing food to her own RD that someone else is supposed to be hosting is a good idea? That makes no sense to me.

squirrly

Pizza isn't tacky.  Refusing to provide a meal your guests (including yourself) can eat IS.  Call the pizza place and find out if they can do both, but if she won't provide a meal for everyone, I wouldn't let HER have anything to do with the RD. 

And, your FI needs to stand up for you and your other guests to his mother. 

sarabellam

Pizza in and of itself is not tacky. But the MOG not accomodating her FDIL's dietary restrictions seems horrendous to me. She sounds like a bit of a hosebeast to me. What does your FI have to say about the issue? Has he stood up to Mommy Dearest on your behalf?

ETA: Eye-to-eye, Squirrly. I promise I wrote my response before reading yours.