How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?

raefuun

Hey all,
Does anyone have any tips on how to gently remind the ladies attending a wedding that there is length of dress appropriate for a weddings, which happens to not overlap with the lengths appropriate for a night club or cocktail hour? Hubs thinks it will be fine, but after attending the majority of our friends' weddings I have been shocked at the panty-peek-a-boos of some of the younger guests. My current thought is to include a website URL on the invitation to a site of wedding attire Dos & Don'ts, and then hire a bouncer for the wedding and reception to keep out those who clearly didn't catch the hint. (Haha, just kidding around!)

Anyone have any sage advice they'd like to share?

Meegles4

Assuming your guests aren't a bunch of 4 year olds and are adults, they can dress themselves. You can't dictate the length of their dresses. If someone shows up and pulls a Lindsey Lohan, that's on them.

ginadog

I think it will be fine, no need to remind people of proper dressing (not sure if there's even a right way to do this).  And if they do wear something too short, they will be the embarrassed ones, not you!

raefuun

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:d12ee4a0-fc0b-4d90-9cd9-a7d4944c239e">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]Assuming your guests aren't a bunch of 4 year olds and are adults, they can dress themselves. You can't dictate the length of their dresses. If someone shows up and pulls a Lindsey Lohan, that's on them.
Posted by Meegles4[/QUOTE]

While I understand people have free choice, I would like to point out this neither answers my question nor contributes much more than trolling. :) A lot of my attendees will be teens/young adults who have never attended a wedding and therefore may not understand what is "too short".

OliveOilsMom

Unless you are having your ceremony in a strict, conservative church or at a country club where a dress code is dictated, you cannot set a dress code for your guests.  It's rude to do so.

And Meegles DID answer your question.  She said people can dress themselves without direction from the B&G.

AdeleDazeem

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:22fb6cec-6a72-4578-849c-f8bcc67e470b">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder? : While I understand people have free choice, I would like to point out this neither answers my question nor contributes much more than trolling. :) A lot of my attendees will be teens/young adults who have never attended a wedding and therefore may not understand what is "too short".
Posted by raefuun[/QUOTE]

The problem is that you cannot dictate their skirt length.  You just can't.  You need to trust that they will dress appropriately and if they do not, it only reflects poorly on them.

kaos16

There is nothing you can do about what other's wear, unless they are your own children I suppose.  If the event was Black Tie, I would think that title would give some guidance.  For any other wedding, you just need to expect that people will dress appropriately.  If they don't, it reflects poorly on them, not you.

A few months ago I attended a wedding where the bride's father brought a "girlfriend."  Her dress was so short and tight, half the dance floor spent the evening looking at her ovaries. . . . I didn't think anything poorly of the bride, I thought the date was a bit of a trollop. 

As a bride, there are much bigger things to choose to stress over.

JaxInBlue

Agree with PPs that you cannot give guests a dress code (unless that dress code is a policy of the venue guests will be entering).  Let the formality of your invitations speak to the dress code. Put some pictures of your venue on your wedding website, if you feel people need to know more about the environment.

When guests pressed us for dress code suggestions, DH and I gave information about what our parents were wearing and what the bridal party was wearing.  Telling people that dresses wear knee-length for my mom and the bridesmaids or that the dads were wearing tuxes or suit suggested a semi-formal environment.  None of our guests dressed inappropriately.

If you want a bouncer to patrol the dance floor, that's completely your call but I don't think it's necessary.  As PPs said, wardrobe malfunctions make the individual look bad, not you, your FI or your wedding.

SunriseAmber

Wow aren't you a peach.

You can't dictate to adults what is appropriate to wear. They get to decide what length/style/color etc not you or the groom. I think you should listen to your FI and cool it.

Also, if you post on a public message board then expect to get answers you may not agree with. You don't have to be snotty and rude about it.

Peledreamsofrain

If someone shows up dressed inappropriately to your wedding, they look like a crass jerk.

If you try to control your guests and dictate how they dress, you look like a crass jerk.

Pick which one you prefer.

Carson386

I'm a young adult, I can dress myself for a wedding. I don't need someone telling me what to wear. If someone shows up wearing something too short or revealing, that's on them, not you. My cousin's now sister in law was 8 months pregnant and showed up to my cousin's wedding wearing a sparkly blue see through dress that showed her butt and knee high boots, nobody thought less of the bride and groom but there sure was a lot of snickering when everyone saw the girl in the sparkly blue.

Meegles4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:22fb6cec-6a72-4578-849c-f8bcc67e470b">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder? : While I understand people have free choice, I would like to point out this neither answers my question nor contributes much more than <strong>trolling.</strong> :) A lot of my attendees will be teens/young adults who have never attended a wedding and therefore may not understand what is "too short".
Posted by raefuun[/QUOTE]

Methinks you don't know what this word means. I'm not trolling, I'm answering your question, albeit with a slight dose of sarcasm because I'm a sarcastic sort. I more than answered your question, but if you didn't get it, here I go again:

You can't dictate what people wear. (even young adults). So you can't/shouldn't do anything. If you do, people may find you to be rude for assuming they don't know how to dress themselves. Presumably these teens will have a parent or other adult figure they may ask what they should wear. And, as I said, if someone dresses inappropriately (a la Lindsey Lohan), then they look like an idiot. Not you.

gurrlballa10

I think you should require them to wear floor length, full sleeves, and up to their neck.  That'll solve your problem for sure.  Oh, and if they don't comply, bounce them right of out there. 

wrigleyville

Those who know how to dress themselves will be insulted when you tell them how to dress.

Those who are going to wear short skirts will ignore your advice and do it anyway.

Let it go and focus on other things.

Summer2011Bride

If you haven't had your wedding yet, how is he your "hubs"?

In other news, like the PPs have said, you can't dictate dress. You will end up insulting the vast majority of your guests that know perfectly well how to dress for a wedding, and the few who might need that reminder, will ignore it anyway. You'll be preaching to (and offending) the choir. Don't do it.

Lisa50

My sage advice is this -- Do not give any hints or tips about attire to your guests, unless asked.  And, if asked, you simply mention the level of dress (casual, informal, dressy, etc.) but do not dictate hem lengths.

EK2013

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:68db6b1b-2712-44d9-9040-7f2d2627af4e">How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey all, Does anyone have any tips on how to gently remind the ladies attending a wedding that there is length of dress appropriate for a weddings, which happens to not overlap with the lengths appropriate for a night club or cocktail hour? Hubs thinks it will be fine, but after attending the majority of our friends' weddings I have been shocked at the panty-peek-a-boos of some of the younger guests. My current thought is to include a website URL on the invitation to a site of wedding attire Dos & Don'ts, and then hire a bouncer for the wedding and reception to keep out those who clearly didn't catch the hint. (Haha, just kidding around!) Anyone have any sage advice they'd like to share?
Posted by raefuun[/QUOTE]

<div>Half of my guest list was early to mid 20s. All hem-lengths were appropriate. One of my friends did choose a daring (but not risque) neckline--I thought she looked very lovely, but she did later tell me that she noticed she was the only one rockin' the cleavage. I didn't say anything to anyone, except when folks asked me beforehand what I thought other people were going to wear and if I had any recommendations.</div><div>
</div><div>Are <em>your </em>guests even the same ones who work risque things to the weddings you've attended? Because I echo everyone else that 1) it's not the bride's job to tell guests what to wear and 2) the bride will make herself miserable if she tries to police other people's attire anyway.</div>

em105

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:44af161c-91b9-4187-b7b6-b8a14b4cee39">Re:How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]Dude, FIL wore overalls to my wedding. If I survived it and was still able to enjoy my wedding, you can too,
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>Well, were they his 'Dress" Carhartt's??</div><div>
</div><div>'Cause then you're good- 'cause they're for formal occasions.  (Yes, there are regions of the country where Carhartt's without paint on them and dress pants are somehow the same thing...)</div><div>
</div><div>Original poster- short of having a religious requirement, you can't tell peope how to dress except to tell them casual/ cocktail/ black tie. </div><div>
</div><div>Short of having a basket of bike shorts that you hand out to your panty free short-skirt brigade, you'll just have to trust the people attending.</div>

thejucheidea

Oh man, you know it's good when someone tells the OP to check her private messages instead of having the cojones to post on the forum.

pearlaqua

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:68db6b1b-2712-44d9-9040-7f2d2627af4e">How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hey all, Does anyone have any tips on how to gently remind the ladies attending a wedding that there is length of dress appropriate for a weddings, which happens to not overlap with the lengths appropriate for a night club or cocktail hour? Hubs thinks it will be fine, but after attending the majority of our friends' weddings I have been shocked at the panty-peek-a-boos of some of the younger guests. My current thought is to include a website URL on the invitation to a site of wedding attire Dos & Don'ts, and then hire a bouncer for the wedding and reception to keep out those who clearly didn't catch the hint. (Haha, just kidding around!) <strong>Anyone have any sage advice they'd like to share</strong>?
Posted by raefuun[/QUOTE]

If your associates are the type of people whose behavior embarrasses you, your wedding and is not the time to re-evaluate your relationships. 

NOLAbridealmost

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:76c3402d-7145-4b00-a181-48164df24193">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]Those who know how to dress themselves will be insulted when you tell them how to dress. Those who are going to wear short skirts will ignore your advice and do it anyway. Let it go and focus on other things.
Posted by wrigleyville[/QUOTE]

<div>THIS. </div><div>
</div><div>I would probably break out the sexiest dress I own just out of spite if the bride tried to tell me how to dress myself.  I'd make sure the length was "appropriate" as per the bride's instructions, but you can bet that it would be backless, tight, plunging neckline, etc. </div><div>
</div><div>And I'd look good. =) </div>

j-harvey

The people who need to be told how to dress appropriately will likely not take your suggestions, either because they are clueless, apathetic, or want to annoy you.

kvsingleton86

I realize it is a little tacky to tell grown people how to dress but I feel you about panty peek a boo. Our wedding is taking place on the beach however I have specifically put on our wedding website and am including on our guest information in the invitation that we will be having a Dressy Beach Casual wedding. I know people in my family would show up in booty shorts and tube tops and we are sooooooooo not having that. 

KellyBrian2013

In Response to Re:How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?:[QUOTE]I realize it is a little tacky to tell grown people how to dress but I feel you about panty peek a boo. Our wedding is taking place on the beach however I have specifically put on our wedding website and am including on our guest information in the invitation that we will be having a Dressy Beach Casual wedding. I know people in my family would show up in booty shorts and tube tops and we are sooooooooo not having that.nbsp; Posted by kvsingleton86[/QUOTE]

Wtf is "dressy beach casual"?! IMO, something cannot be dressy AND casual. It's one or the other. Likely, your family members who would dress inappropriately to begin with are going to ignore this "dress code", and those who know how to dress for a wedding are going to be confused and/or offended at the dress code you're including. Just don't write anything; if people ask, give them suggestions. You'll have better things to worry about on your wedding day than what your guests are wearing. You know, like getting MARRIED.

kaos16

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:3cb57b0c-716f-4b51-a2a9-1570869c9334">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]I realize it is a little tacky to tell grown people how to dress but I feel you about panty peek a boo. Our wedding is taking place on the beach however I have specifically put on our wedding website and am including on our guest information in the invitation that we will be having a Dressy Beach Casual wedding. I know people in my family would show up in booty shorts and tube tops and we are sooooooooo not having that. 
Posted by kvsingleton86[/QUOTE]

Dressy beach casual to me means throwing a cute cover up over my bikini and putting on some sandals.  I think that if you are going to go against etiquette and put a suggested dress code on an invitation (which I am personally against doing) it needs to at least be a recognizable one that is not open to interpretation.  People understand "black tie", people may all think differently as to what "dressy beach casual" or "Friday chic" or "formal yet comfortable" means. . . . . you probably shouldn't just make up a dress code title.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_how-diddo-you-female-attendees-dress-length-reminder?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:492d5f8b-07db-493b-8d70-7674dffed4fePost:3cb57b0c-716f-4b51-a2a9-1570869c9334">Re: How did/do you: Female attendees dress length reminder?</a>:
[QUOTE]I realize it is a little tacky to tell grown people how to dress but I feel you about panty peek a boo. Our wedding is taking place on the beach however I have specifically put on our wedding website and am including on our guest information in the invitation that we will be having a Dressy Beach Casual wedding. I know people in my family would show up in booty shorts and tube tops and we are sooooooooo not having that. 
Posted by kvsingleton86[/QUOTE]

I agree with some of the other posters that "Dressy Beach Casual" is very confusing.