Rude guests

kristin516

So my fiance received a text message from his cousin today saying "just a heads up but I am bringing my boyfriend to your wedding." They have also invited themselves to our rehearsal dinner despite the fact that they have no role in the wedding.
We have never met her boyfriend and we are really trying to watch the number of guests. Their save-the-date was also very clearly addressed to my fiance's aunt and cousin only. (We have not sent out invitations yet).
I don't think that there is anything I can do since they bought his plane ticket already... If they had ASKED us if it was alright, chances are we would have said he could come to the wedding, but sending a text after buying a ticket and saying "heads-up" just seems extremely rude! 
Any advice???

thesuninherhead

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_rude-guests?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:49665f3f-e290-468d-8254-1f9bf8933a51Post:9e2adf72-3ac3-4778-a78e-59eaa20608b6">Rude guests</a>:
[QUOTE]So my fiance received a text message from his cousin today saying "just a heads up but I am bringing my boyfriend to your wedding." They have also invited themselves to our rehearsal dinner despite the fact that they have no role in the wedding. We have never met her boyfriend and we are really trying to watch the number of guests. Their save-the-date was also very clearly addressed to my fiance's aunt and cousin only. (We have not sent out invitations yet). I don't think that there is anything I can do since they bought his plane ticket already... If they had ASKED us if it was alright, chances are we would have said he could come to the wedding, but sending a text after buying a ticket and saying "heads-up" just seems extremely rude!  Any advice???
<p>Posted by kristin516[/QUOTE]</p><p> </p><p>Presuming he's not a live-in (aka serious) boyfriend, I'd reply saying that you're uncertain if you can accommodate him as he wasn't in your guest count.</p>

eastunder1

I would just tell them straight out that the rehersal dinner is for wedding party members only.  As far as the boyfriend, if this is an adult, serious relationship than he should have been invited to begin with.  If this is just some teenage flighty thing (which is sounds like), I would do the same thing as with the rehersal.  Call them and politely let them know he is not invited.  Some people just don't understand that weddings are structured events with set lists.  For some reason people at times liken them to keggars with some "come one come all" mentality.  There is no wrong in correcting their false assumptions.   

luckyme502

I think I would let it slide since he already bought a plane ticket, but I would let them know they are not invited to the rehearsal dinner since they are not in the wedding party. 

kristin516

The cousin is 20 and her boyfriend is 23. They are very on-again/off-again. She was with him, they broke up and she was dating someone else, and they are on-again now.
I really don't want to start something over it, so I was thinking about letting the wedding invite slide. As far as the rehearsal goes, it's at my dad's house, they are not part of the wedding, and I just feel the three of them inviting themselves was rude. 

eastunder1

I think it was definately rude.  It may have been unintentional rudeness though.  Like I said earlier, a lot of people just don't "get it" when it comes to weddings.  Especially if they are younger or dont have many friends who have married yet.  They may have not known what asshats they were being.  Which doesnt make it ok, its just a perspective to consider. 

Do you think you're going to set them straight and axe them from the rehersal? 

kristin516

My fiance's aunt should have known better (although the family drama always centers around her) but I can see where her daughter wouldn't know better... His aunt is the one who mentioned them coming to the rehearsal though.
My mother-in-law talked to them and I believe that they said that they will not be at the rehearsal but that they want to go to the rehearsal dinner... It still doesn't make sense to me, that they would be at the dinner then. We'll see though. I really didn't want his aunt at the rehearsal because I saw how controlling she was at my mother-in-law's wedding rehearsal and I don't want problems at ours.I don't want to have to confront her but I also don't want to let people walk all over me.

Mrs.B6302007

Stand up for yourself and say no. 

First, it was dumb that cousin texted your FI with the info.  A grownup conversation like this needs a phone call.  FI needs to get on the phone and TALK to cousin ASAP to straighten this out.   If he/they bought a plane ticket for him without an invitation, that's their own damn fault.  Don't feel pressured into accommodating their rudeness because they spent money.

skippylouwho

How about emailing or calling your aunt and say that the rehearsal and dinner attendance is already set, that you are sorry they won't be able to attend and then provide a list of alternative things for them to do - sites to see, restaurants to dine at. Tell her you'll look forward to seeing her and her daughter at the wedding. You don't need a controlling person at your reception when it isn't someone you want controlling things

Also add that while the boyfriend is welcome at the wedding, you have a finite set of guests permitted for the reception and you won't be able to accommodate the boyfriend but again, provide a list of things he might do/restaurants to eat at during the reception.

Of course they bought his ticket before they told you - that's so you would feel you have to include him.

Or you can just decide it's not that big of a deal and welcome them all to the wedding and reception.  I would probably do that but I would not budget on the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. 

Catwoman708

Call and explain to cousin that you don't have room in the venue or budget to invite "and guests".  Unless they have recently moved in together or gotten engaged. 

And explain that that the FILs are hosting the RD (if this is the case), so it's not polite for you to invite extra guests if they are paying.  (and hope she gets the not-so-subtle hint).