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Wedding Etiquette Forum

Why are people so rude?

We just finally tracked down all but 6 people who didn't RSVP. We had about 75 out of 250 who didn't RSVP by our deadline of 7/18 and we were on it this past weekend and were calling and e-mailing everyone! Have to give rental company and caterer our numbers next week. Even family members didn't return RSVP's which was sooo annoying. Then to top it off some of them didn't even return voicemail messages or e-mail's. My dad's brother then told my grandmother that he's not coming because he won't "know anybody there" - my dad was so offended. I am really upset with my Dad's side of the family. None of them came to my shower - which meant my grandmother couldn't come because she doesn't drive and she lives 2 hours away and since none of them came, she couldn't come. I finally got in touch with my Dad's family and they most of them coming so at least she will be there at the wedding, but it's just ridiculous how they didn't even send me a card saying they were sorry they couldn't make it or something at least?? I know my grandma was upset she couldn't make it.

The icing on the cake for me with the rudeness factor of my Dad's side of the family was on Saturday morning when I called my cousin Mike to find out if he was going to bless us with his presence at the wedding since he failed to return his RSVP. He had sent me a facebook message saying he was coming and bringing a date and, "oh yeah, her 2 1/2 yr old son is coming too" I had to call him and gently let him know how venue had space limitations and we couldn't accomodate an additional guest besides his date and that the only children invited were close family. I think he understood anyway. I thought that was really rude. The invitation was addressed to him and guest. He may only have been dating this girl for a couple of months, it's not like they are engaged, it would be different then and I would consider her to be joining the extended family.

All I can say is - How Rude??
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Re: Why are people so rude?

  • How rude indeed!!  You'd think people - especially those who are/were married and have been through a wedding of their own - would just be a little more considerate about RSVPing to a wedding.  This is a life event, not a cocktail party.  You shouldn't have to chase people down!  Your Uncle said he wouldn't know anyone?  Whaaaat?  That is utterly absurd.

  • People not sending back their RSVP's is indeed irritating.  Most of them just don't realize how much extra work this creates for the hosts of the event.  
    I'm glad it sounds like your grandmother will make it to your wedding.  

    None of these things seem to warrant the outrage you want to have against your dad's family.

  • edited July 2012
    I like how your uncle told someone he knew (grandma) who told someone else he knew (dad) who told a third person he knew (you) that he couldn't come because he doesn't know anyone. What a doofus. At least make up a valid excuse.
    "When life hands you lemons, make a beef stew." Andy Milinokis
  • This makes me fear sending out my invitations in the coming months....
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  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_why-are-people-so-rude-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a171ced-6904-4e2f-9b6b-2e9396c411a4Post:2da2451d-54eb-4e0d-b725-e027531486c3">Why are people so rude?</a>:
    [QUOTE]We just finally tracked down all but 6 people who didn't RSVP. We had about 75 out of 250 who didn't RSVP by our deadline of 7/18 and we were on it this past weekend and were calling and e-mailing everyone! Have to give rental company and caterer our numbers next week. Even family members didn't return RSVP's which was sooo annoying. Then to top it off some of them didn't even return voicemail messages or e-mail's. My dad's brother then told my grandmother that he's not coming because he won't "know anybody there" - my dad was so offended. I am really upset with my Dad's side of the family. None of them came to my shower - which meant my grandmother couldn't come because she doesn't drive and she lives 2 hours away and since none of them came, she couldn't come.<strong> I finally got in touch with my Dad's family and they most of them coming so at least she will be there at the wedding, but it's just ridiculous how they didn't even send me a card saying they were sorry they couldn't make it or something at least?? I know my grandma was upset she couldn't make it. </strong>The icing on the cake for me with the rudeness factor of my Dad's side of the family was on Saturday morning when I called my cousin Mike to find out if he was going to bless us with his presence at the wedding since he failed to return his RSVP. He had sent me a facebook message saying he was coming and bringing a date and, "oh yeah, her 2 1/2 yr old son is coming too" I had to call him and gently let him know how venue had space limitations and we couldn't accomodate an additional guest besides his date and that the only children invited were close family. I think he understood anyway. I thought that was really rude. The invitation was addressed to him and guest. He may only have been dating this girl for a couple of months, it's not like they are engaged, it would be different then and I would consider her to be joining the extended family. All I can say is - How Rude??
    Posted by jodiemariecooksley[/QUOTE]
    Nobody owes you a "Sorry I couldn't make it to your shower" card.  Nobody owed it to you to transport your grandmother, either.  Your ire towards your father's side of the family is a bit over the top.
    As for the rest, those are just the typical RSVP issues that every couple faces.



  • I hear you, OP. A lot of people on my dad's side didn't come. Some of them had real obligations to the Special Olympics but for some reason were reluctant to tell us so they just didn't. My dad had to call them more than once to get an answer. One of my aunts didn't respond to emails, texts, or phone calls. It's very frustrating, but pretty normal.
  • On the flip side, right now I'm one of those rude guests.  We *just* got the invitation to my cousin's wedding, which is Sunday, a few days ago.  The address was wrong and it took a while to get to us.  So, of course, our RSVP was way late.
  • My cousin just got married last Summer. When talking with him about my upcoming wedding he said one of the biggest problems they ran into was people not returning thier rsvp's and that it was a huge stress point for them...Guess who didnt send me an RSVP? I was shocked. they werent the only people we didnt get one from but was certainly the most suprising!!!
  • We finally just tracked down the last of our RSVPs today. The last one said she had lost the invitation and forgotten the whole thing was happening. That hurt my feelings a little. It's a small wedding so we didn't invite the whole world, only those with special meaning.

    On the flip side, though, don't stress too much because this is supposed to be a fun time. You could be in danger of a bridezilla moment, which isn't fun for you or endearing to anyone else. 
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