Children at the wedding

kjgreenfield

I'm planning a pseudo destination wedding in Wisconsin.  Most of our friends and family live in Chicago - about 3.5 hours away.  Our friends and family have many kids.  If we invited all kids, we could end up with 75 kids at our wedding.  We're hoping to have 160 adults.  Our original position was no kids except the flower girl and ring bearer and their siblings.  But this leaves out kids of first cousins and some kids of friends who I love and who really want to see me get married.  Would it be acceptable to only allow kids who are relatives and/or children of the wedding party?  That number is much more manageable and encompasses all of the kids that I would definitely want to attend my wedding.  Please let me know your thoughts.  Thanks!

Lyss5782

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a8867dd-6263-4520-84f6-a2e96173681fPost:5c3ce3b8-704f-4be4-82e3-a03b649d7902">Re: Children at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]Logistically, this is just a big mess.  Parents aren't going to take kindly to, "Drive 3.5 hours to my wedding...but leave your kids at home, OR, bring them, pay for hotel rooms for everybody, and hire a strange new babysitter in an unfamiliar town." I think with a  DW you have to accomodate families.  .
Posted by Brie2010[/QUOTE]

I dont know that I agree with this.  My wedding isnt a DW for ME, but most guests will be traveling.  That being said, we're not having kids.  Guests will decide if they can attend and figure out childcare or if they can't attend.  I dont think I "have to accomodate families."

Brie2010

You don't HAVE to do anything, but I think it's polite to.  I wouldn't miss the wedding of my cousins for anything, but I'd be annoyed if we had to a) fly/drive out as a couple and leave the kids with a sitter overnight; or b) fly/drive out as a family and leave kids in hotel room with a strange sitter.

I just don't get the BFD with having kids at a wedding, unless there are going to be a huge amount (30+) that would make a huge impact on the budget, or your wedding is something like a local late night cocktail affair with strippers or something. 

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a8867dd-6263-4520-84f6-a2e96173681fPost:07bf9dfc-0bcd-433d-8d8e-fd688ab5fb67">Re: Children at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children at the wedding : I dont know that I agree with this.  My wedding isnt a DW for ME, but most guests will be traveling.  That being said, we're not having kids.  Guests will decide if they can attend and figure out childcare or if they can't attend.  I dont think I "have to accomodate families."
Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

Right, but you're just setting yourself up for declines, or at least inconveniencing your guests. 

sucrets4

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a8867dd-6263-4520-84f6-a2e96173681fPost:07bf9dfc-0bcd-433d-8d8e-fd688ab5fb67">Re: Children at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Children at the wedding : I dont know that I agree with this.  My wedding isnt a DW for ME, but most guests will be traveling.  That being said, we're not having kids.  Guests will decide if they can attend and figure out childcare or if they can't attend.  I dont think I "have to accomodate families."
Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

Okay, but if you really WANT those people there, you will most likely have to be more accommodating otherwise understand that they will most likely not come. 

It worked out for us because we invited family kids, but a few of them traveled and I wouldn't have expected them to come without their kids. 

Lyss5782

I understand people may not come, and maybe Ill feel differently once I have kids.  But Ive been to plenty of adult-only weddings (actually, Ive been to very FEW kid-friendly weddings) and don't think it is the obligation of the couple to make sure that entire families are taken into account.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_children-wedding-2?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4a8867dd-6263-4520-84f6-a2e96173681fPost:3fe65304-7d0f-4b11-8893-2ec657dd7e7f">Re: Children at the wedding</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand people may not come, and maybe Ill feel differently once I have kids.  But Ive been to plenty of adult-only weddings (actually, Ive been to very FEW kid-friendly weddings) and don't think it is the obligation of the couple to make sure that entire families are taken into account.
Posted by Lyss5782[/QUOTE]

I get what you're saying and am not against adult only weddings.  As long as the bride doesn't come back here later complaining that people are declining or mad that their kids can't come.  I guess that was my only point.  As long as the bride knows what she's getting herself into and is prepared for negative feedback (might or might not even happen), then I think it's fine to do adults only.

banana468

She can do adults only but she doesn't have to.  I don't know that there's any all or nothing group so why make kids part of that?