Inviting Babies

TheSlowskys

We sent out STDs w/ couples' names on it to clearly show who was invited, but haven't sent out invites yet.

We are not inviting any kids because we don't want them there. We have a 1pm ceremony, the dreaded Catholic gap, and a 4pm reception. It is semi formal: plated dinner, nice indoor venue, band, open bar, etc. Space is also a serious issue at our venue (tables will be closer together than I would like), the hotel is a block away, and there is no private room other than the bridal suite - in short, not kid friendly.

We've always said we wanted an adults only wedding so we figured people would get it and it wouldn't be asked. All of our families and most of our friends have also had no-kid weddings.  However, we just had the grooms brother inform us he plans to bring his child (will be 6 mo at wedding). I never thought this would come up (call me dumb), so should I proactively address it with the other parents of small children or just follow the rules with addressing the invite and hope for the best? I know to never write adults only on the invite, but is it acceptable to put that on our website? Our friends/family have a total of 7 babies between 6 mos and a year old. 

Also, because it is very relevant: all of the babies are in daycare and are not exclusively nursed. Everyone is within an hour drive to the wedding (one is 1.5 hours)...

Thanks.

Edit: By proactive I mean seeing if I can casually sneak it into wedding conversation with the guests I talk to regularly (not "btw your brat's not coming right?," more like "I cant wait to see you and Bob. The WP is going to xyz bar after if you want to join us."

[Deleted User]

I think you should probably address it proactively with your FI's brother, and for the rest address the invitations appropriately. Maybe spread by word of mouth in the interim.

Cuss10

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:585c4ebc-50e7-4b8b-b8fb-b109ee7fc59c">Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]We sent out STDs w/ couples' names on it to clearly show who was invited, but haven't sent out invites yet. We are not inviting any kids because we don't want them there. We have a 1pm ceremony, the dreaded Catholic gap, and a 4pm reception. It is semi formal: plated dinner, nice indoor venue, band, open bar, etc. Space is also a serious issue at our venue (tables will be closer together than I would like), the hotel is a block away, and there is no private room other than the bridal suite - in short, not kid friendly. We've always said we wanted an adults only wedding so we figured people would get it and it wouldn't be asked. All of our families and most of our friends have also had no-kid weddings.  However, we just had the grooms brother inform us he plans to bring his child (will be 6 mo at wedding). I never thought this would come up (call me dumb), so should I proactively address it with the other parents of small children or just follow the rules with addressing the invite and hope for the best? I know to never write adults only on the invite, but is it acceptable to put that on our website? Our friends/family have a total of 7 babies between 6 mos and a year old.  Also, because it is very relevant: all of the babies are in daycare and are not exclusively nursed. Everyone is within an hour drive to the wedding (one is 1.5 hours)... Thanks.
Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]

I'll probably be told I'm wrong, but I was always under the impression that good etiquette says you invite babies. They don't eat anything, they can't wreck the cake and they mean you spend less on alcohol.

TheSlowskys

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:b0385c30-69c6-4cba-9153-29062a620e0e">Re: Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should probably address it proactively with your FI's brother, and for the rest address the invitations appropriately. Maybe spread by word of mouth in the interim.
Posted by daffodil_jill[/QUOTE]

I'm leaving that one to him - wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole.

[Deleted User]

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:f1a57a9a-0df4-45d8-abc4-a7cffa4b5448">Re: Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Inviting Babies : I'll probably be told I'm wrong, but I was always under the impression that good etiquette says you invite babies.
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]
You're wrong. It's perfectly fine etiquette to exclude babies.

OP, yes I meant your FI should handle it with his brother, not you specifically.

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:f1a57a9a-0df4-45d8-abc4-a7cffa4b5448">Re: Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Inviting Babies : I'll probably be told I'm wrong, but I was always under the impression that good etiquette says you invite babies. They don't eat anything, they can't wreck the cake and they mean you spend less on alcohol.
Posted by Cuss10[/QUOTE]

Nope.  If you don't want kids, you don't have to invite them.  It can be said that you could make an exception for young babies (still breastfeeding), but you don't <strong><u>have</u></strong> to.  Just don't be disappointed when people say no.

Lizzieyounce

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:00033fe2-f0c9-45d6-bb57-0f08f2d7775e">Re: Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]F<strong>irst, I hate the "catholic gap" cop out.  If you're having a gap, own it that you're having it because you wanted a certain kind of reception and are making your guests wait so you can have both the Catholic ceremony AND a dinner/dancing reception.  But don't blame it on your religion, as I know many many Catholics who have had lovely weddings that were gap-free.</strong> Now on to your question, no you do not need to 'proactively' take it up with other parents.  That will surely cause more drama than anything else.  Address the invites and if/when someone mentions bringing their kid, apologize and politely let them know that the invite was only meant for them and their SO.  You'll have some unhappy parents most likely, but stick to your guns because if you make one exception, you'll have to make everyone an exception. Although, for what it's worth, babies are different than children who are old enough to run around/talk/etc.  We had several at my wedding and they just sat in their carrier or on their parents lap and smiled and burped and pooped.  Not exactly show stealing or disruptive behavior.
Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

<div>
</div><div>Thanks...you took the words right out of my mouth.  I'm a gap free Catholic bride.</div>

RebeccaB88

You're completely within your rights to not invite the babies, but you have to be okay with some people not coming at all because of it.  You also need to consider any drama or ill feelings that might develop within the family as well.  But if you make one exception, you should make exceptions for everyone.

TheSlowskys

I'm just making the point its a long day for babies. Fwiw we are hosting light apps and beer at a restaurant next to the church and oot guests will have time to check in to their hotel. And it is pretty standard in our circle most weddings we go to have a noon ceremony and a 5 pm reception! Not trying to get off topic or turn this into a debate, just saying a long day for kids. Also, re the carrier, we truly are not going to have space between the tables for that. As it is our caterer is suggesting we break down tables for dancing and put 10 people at a 60 inch round. Long story but we were told by the venue it seats 150 for a plated dinner, but were told by our caterer months into planning and once all our other deposits were down that 130 is a squeeze and even then we should break down tables. We are expecting about 120, taking suspected nos into account. So ya, I don't want my guests elbow to elbow if I can help it but the tables will not have as much breathing room as I would like.

crash2729

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:44340f50-a2d1-4b7d-b553-6dcabd5250a6">Re: Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]You're completely within your rights to not invite the babies, but you have to be okay with some people not coming at all because of it.  You also need to consider any drama or ill feelings that might develop within the family as well.  <strong>But if you make one exception, you should make exceptions for everyone.</strong>
Posted by RebeccaB88[/QUOTE]
Not necessarily. 
You can invite the kids within the family without inviting Susie Homemaker's baby.

TheSlowskys

I understand a lot of people do that but its pretty tricky where to draw the line family only? Wedding party? Babies only no kids? If I say yes to him then what about the other bridal party members? One has 6 mo old triplets, another a 13 mo old, a 4 yo, and my FIs 2 yr old godson? I don't want to get into making exceptions.

LDubHawksFan

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_inviting-babies?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ad474aa-da10-47bd-9e32-7e76206b53fbPost:2f08566c-8ffc-4de4-8940-67423cb4ca54">Re:Inviting Babies</a>:
[QUOTE]I understand a lot of people do that but its pretty tricky where to draw the line family only? Wedding party? Babies only no kids? If I say yes to him then what about the other bridal party members? One has 6 mo old triplets, another a 13 mo old, a 4 yo, and my FIs 2 yr old godson? I don't want to get into making exceptions.
Posted by TheSlowskys[/QUOTE]
 We are only doing our neices and nephews, and then our WP's kids.  My BM will have a 3 wk old at the time of our wedding, so obviously she is bringing him/her.  You can easily draw the line there, but it's tricky if other siblings have kids that you don't want there.

TheSlowskys

Ya I understand on the 3 m/o. If it was a very young infant who only breastfed id have to be considering a different approach, but where the kids are able to spend 8 to 10 hours in day care I think its ok to ask they get a sitter. All those with kids have other family in the area who isn't going to the wedding.

TheSlowskys

After brutal cuts we are down to 128. Everyone is local and we've gotten a lot of verbal yeses so that's where we are getting 120.

banana468

Your DH can approach this but I'd let him handle it.

FWIW, I'm with you but at least at 6 mos, the child is most likely low maintenance.

That said, if you two want no children then FI needs to nip this now.

mand0114

Agreed with everyone. We did no babies/kids. We addressed invitations as such & we put "adult only reception" on our website. Might be tacky, but we invited almost 300 people and kids/babies would have added another 100 people. 

We have had some people not be able to come because of this. We have had some phone calls asking about their children and/or RSVP's including their children. When that happens we have just been politely explaining that we are only inviting adults. MOST people have been receptive ... some not. BUT, it's our wedding.

Good luck!

Amores0121

I agree that babies usually are not a problem at weddings.  Babies--meaning those that aren't yet walking.  I have a large family and my youngest sister is 6, and I have a 5 yo daughter, so obviously there will be kids there. However, I don't want everyone's kids there. I will only be inviting the whole family of those who are in my immediate family and everyone else I will be inviting only the Mr. & Mrs....if they RSVP with their children, I will have to let them know that they can't bring them.  For one, I can't afford to pay for everyone's kids nor do I want a ton of kids at my wedding. There will be enough just from my sisters/brothers.  I think you can specifiy. Since this is SO's brother, I don't thnk it's a big deal to let him bring the baby--only if you don't mind!