A little OT etiquette question - Baby Shower - kids invited?

purplebear17

I know this is a wedding board, but I'm looking for help in negotiating an etiquette issue dealing with invitations for a baby shower.

DH and I have a 3 year old DD. His friends live out of town, and her family is throwing a baby shower for the couple this weekend. DH and DD happen to be traveling to his hometown this weekend, so he will be attending. We were invited as "Mr. and Mrs." - no child listed. Perfectly fine. We can make childcare arrangements (tricky because most of his family is invited, but do-able).

In this group of friends we've had many cases where the rule about "only who's on the envelope" was not followed. We received a wedding invite from one of them with only his name, so only he attended, and everyone (including the bride and groom) asked where I was . My own bridal and baby showers that were held locally (as well as our wedding) had a variety of kids and friends that were not explicitly invited show up, which I didn't mind at all, but I know other people might. I promise, it's long, but there's a point in here!

Is there a way to politely confirm DD is not invited? Maybe something with "we're happy to arrange childcare if not, but we wanted to clarify"? Or is that completely out of line? Based on our previous experiences, I would hate to send her off with a babysitter, and then DH gets there and people ask where she is, assuming he'd just bring her.

Thanks for your advice!

Meegles4

I think you or H could call the host and ask, saying that you're going to be in town with your daughter, and would they mind if she joined your H? Otherwise you're happy to find childcare.

FWIW, I would find it weird that kids not be invited to a baby shower (in my circle they always are).

Maggie0829

I think it would be fine to call the host of the shower to find out whether your daughter is invited or not.

But I will disagree with Meegles about it being weird if kids are not invited to baby showers.  I have been to a few where kids were invited and they were just pains in the a$$ the entire time.  They would try and open up all of the Mom-to-Be gifts, run around like crazy, and just basically annoy the crap out of me.  But it may have something to do with the fact that I just don't like kids unless they are related to me and that the kids in question aren't well behaved and the parents just don't care.

purplebear17

Thanks, ladies. I've only been to a few baby showers, and it's been sort of a mix of kids and no kids. I didn't know if I was out of line for considering asking in a non-demanding way. I think I will call the hostess.

LetsHikeToday

I've never been to a baby shower where kids have been invited so I wouldn't call and ask. I would just assume she isn't invited. 

pearlaqua

In showers I've attended, kids aren't explicitly invited but when parents ask, it's OK to bring them.  Some parents don't like to bring their kids others want to or don't have the option not to.

Katelyn89

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_a-little-ot-etiquette-question-baby-shower-kids-invited?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4aee6568-496b-4d61-bb40-d182586a0780Post:af87988f-0d59-4278-8c9d-b04068d162ca">Re: A little OT etiquette question - Baby Shower - kids invited?</a>:
[QUOTE]I would call and ask if any of the family members are sending their kids to a sitter, under the pretense that you would like to send your daughter off with the same person, so they kids can play together.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]



I think this is a good idea, that way you don't look like you aren't over stepping and if she isn't invited you might be able to find child care arrangements.

mcskatcat

Unless you wanted to do something super posh, I would probably just plan a kid-friendly shower.  I'm planning a shower for my cousin in a few weeks and I expect just that, so I'm making separate favors for a few kids that will be coming. 

If you are planning on serving alcohol or having a certain ambience, then I would just reach out to the people you know are parents and just say that's not a kid-appropriate event.  If they freak out, that's on them.  Kids don't have to go to everything ever.

purplebear17

Thanks, everyone. The shower is a backyard cook-out. The RSVP was via email, so I very delicately explained that DD was in town as well, that DH did not plan to bring her if not invited, and we were happy to make childcare arrangements. The hostess wrote back immediately with a laundry list of kids that will be there and that they already expected we would bring DD. Problem solved!