Mini-Shower? Girls Day?

orangehills

And wait, one more question! Now that I've changed up my wedding, I have tons of etiquette questions! So. All my girl friends who will no longer be coming to the wedding, since it is just family/wedding party, want to throw me a mini shower/bachelorette- "girls day." They are thinking lunch at my maid of honor's house, a weddingy game, and presents/cake- then leave and do an afternoon of wine tasting in the foothills nearby. Even though most aren't invited, they still want to celebrate. Is that ok? I told my MOH no presents- but I can't help it if they show up with them. Or Is the whole thing wrong?

orangehills

The MOH wants to put where I'm registered at (because we registered before we changed plans) on an official invite. I told her it should not have that information, and are formal invites even too much?

QueerFemme

Eh, I would probably skip the shower/girls day thing.  I know they still want to throw you a party... but, it would be awkward to have a b-party or any sort of pre-wedding shindig without those people being invited to the wedding.  

Maybe you could go out to dinner or something to celebrate, but I might try to avoid it being to shower-esque (like the the weddingy games,etc.).

KellyBrian2013

You shouldn't be having anything related to giving gifts with people not invited to the ceremony, period.

It's fine to have a girls day, but don't make it wedding related.

orangehills

Well the girls day is happening no matter what- the lunch and wine tasting that is. All my friends are ok with that- they want a girls day as well I think lol. But I can tell her to skip the shower-esque stuff like invites and games- which I did tell her, I'm just hoping she follows through...

QueerFemme

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_mini-shower-girls-day?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4ca51ead-6bf7-41cb-b299-c5e2b95cb5cfPost:c04bb94c-76c3-4315-a914-fb6dbcb4b5e6">Re: Mini-Shower? Girls Day?</a>:
[QUOTE]Well the girls day is happening no matter what- the lunch and wine tasting that is. All my friends are ok with that- they want a girls day as well I think lol. But I can tell her to skip the shower-esque stuff like invites and games- which I did tell her, I'm just hoping she follows through...
Posted by orangehills[/QUOTE]

Yeah... I would tell her that there are NO formal invites, NO games, NO prizes and NO gifts.  If you are worried about her springing some sort of surprise, sit her down and explain the etiquette reasons you don't want those things, and that it will leave you in a very uncomfortable position if she tries to surprise you.  

Also, another option is don't meet up at anyone's house.  I have found that the group meeting at someone's house is a surefire way for them to yell SURPRISE and have some game or "bride" sash and tiara waiting for you and a whole crew reading to start the bridal shower festivities.

danielleper03

When my FI best friend got married they eloped to Hawaii. The weekend before they left the bride's daughters threw a shower for her with her friends and family. We played some games and had food. Her daughters did an incredible job replicating every martha stewart magazine ever lol. Nobody thought it was wierd, odd, or inappropriate. I guess, if they know they aren't going to be invited to the wedding and they still want to do this, you're not offending them. It's something they are doing for you. Like you said before, just really emphasize the things you don't want and then stop overthinking it.

arendiva

As long as everyone knows that they aren't invited to the wedding and that you aren't expecting/desiring gifts I think it's fine to have an informal gathering with gal pals.

NOLAbridealmost

Just as you are always allowed to get together with friends to pay your own way for a "girl's day" you can certainly do that now.

What would be completely inappropriate is expecting them to pay for you (if they offer, I suppose that's okay), doing gifts of any kind, and/or making the day wedding-related in ANY way. 

When you decide to do a private ceremony you have to skip "pre-wedding parties" for those that are not involved in the wedding.  That means showers.   

To decide if something is a pre-wedding party, just do the "duck test"  AKA: if it looks like a duck, sounds like a duck, acts like a duck.....it's a duck (substitute the word "B Party" or "shower" for duck; you get the point). 

Calypso1977

i think in this instance its ok since they all know what's going on.
but you could also do something with this group AFTER the wedding to celebrate that way.  that might make more sense.