We Can't Invite Everyone, Send Announcements Instead?

mikeyn

We've finally found the PERFECT venue, but it's only big enough for 140 guests MAX.  I know my mom and FI's have huge guest lists, and certain family members and friends would be offended if they didn't receive an invitation.. but we just can't fit them all!  Is it polite to send wedding announcements rather than invitations?  And if so, what is the wording like - to let the person feel included, without specifically inviting them.

Thanks so much for your help!

salt78

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-invite-everyone-send-announcements-instead-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa8e70-34fb-4b3d-a616-cb9164fc51d6Post:5d1a02be-c8d5-4804-80a2-5354fff4edda">We Can't Invite Everyone, Send Announcements Instead?</a>:
[QUOTE]We've finally found the PERFECT venue, but it's only big enough for 140 guests MAX.  I know my mom and FI's have huge guest lists, and certain family members and friends would be offended if they didn't receive an invitation.. but we just can't fit them all!  Is it polite to send wedding announcements rather than invitations?  And if so, what is the wording like - to let the person feel included, without specifically inviting them. Thanks so much for your help!
Posted by mikeyn[/QUOTE]

<div>Um what? If you are going to invite someone you send them an invitation. If you aren't going to invite them, you don't send an invitation. If your families really want to invite more people, find a new venue.</div><div>
</div>

The Mel and Todd Show

Weren't there more responses in here a minute ago?  I swear I saw a response from mkrupar. 

It's not the perfect venue if it can't accomodate your guest list. 


ETA- Oh. Double post.  Well that explains it. 

mikeyn

ohhh  Sorry I double-posted!  I must have clicked twice. 

Calypso1977

is it really the PERFECT venue if it doenst hold eveyrone you want to have there?

announcements are mailed the day of hte wedding or very shortly after to those who were not invited to announce the marriage.  to send them in advance would be more like an STD, and then you'd be obligated to invite tehm.

if you are paying for your own wedding, i advise setting your own guest list.  you shoudl then easily come in at the 140 mark.  if you give your moms free run of the guest list, you will most likely end up with their friends, their co workers, their neighbors, etc. - people who really have no bsuiness  being at your wedding if you dont know them or arent close to them.

if you arent paying, well, then, i guess you'll have to pick a new venue if they wont cut their lists.

fhorns147

Announcements should be worded:

Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Rhinehart Awful, 3^rd

have the honor of announcing

the marriage of their daughter

Alexandrina Grace

to

Mr. Ian Fright

On Saturday, the first of April

Two thousand and five

Our Lady of Propriety Church

Brookdale, Connecticut

At home cards should be worded:

Ms. Alexandrina Awful-Fright

Mr. Ian Fright-Awful

Will be at home after the fourth of July

127 Primrose Path

Brookdale, Connecticut

 

courtesy of Miss Manners

redheadfsu

Announcements are sent the day of the wedding or a few days later. You can send them.

However, you need to figure out who controls your wedding. You or  the moms. So I ask who is paying? Whoever pays gets control of the guest list. So if the moms are paying, you will probably need to find a bigger venue. If you are paying then tell the moms they get X number of invites.

redheadfsu

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-invite-everyone-send-announcements-instead-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa8e70-34fb-4b3d-a616-cb9164fc51d6Post:18d11a8f-f28f-4101-9e3c-079790f62942">Re: We Can't Invite Everyone, Send Announcements Instead?</a>:
[QUOTE]Announcements should be worded: Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Rhinehart Awful, 3 rd have the honor of announcing the marriage of their daughter Alexandrina Grace to Mr. Ian Fright On Saturday, the first of April Two thousand and five Our Lady of Propriety Church Brookdale, Connecticut At home cards should be worded: Ms. Alexandrina Awful-Fright Mr. Ian Fright-Awful Will be at home after the fourth of July 127 Primrose Path Brookdale, Connecticut   courtesy of Miss Manners
Posted by fhorns147[/QUOTE]

That is very formal wording. I personally would not use that wording. But of course it depends on how formal the event was.

Edit: Plus it seems like it isn't in past tense. They are sent after you are married.

aegrish

Yeah I have the same ? as PP is it the perfect venue if you can't fit all your guests?  And I have never received an 'announcement' so I can't speak as to how people would perceive those, but IMO an announcement is more appropriate if you're having a destination wedding and then an AHR, but i could be wrong maybe there's couples that send announcements and still have hometown wedding/receptions, it just sounds strange to me because I've never gotten one.

Calypso1977

fhorns post sounds more like an announcemnet for a paper or smething.  the few i've seen usually read something like:

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith
are pleased to announce that their daughter,
Susan Anne,
was united in marriage to Mr. Jason Jones,
son of Mr. and Mrs. Joshua Jones,
on Saturday, November 1, 2010.

MattsPenguin

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_cant-invite-everyone-send-announcements-instead-1?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4caa8e70-34fb-4b3d-a616-cb9164fc51d6Post:9759d07b-8e03-4203-8b87-48f7906b9252">Re: We Can't Invite Everyone, Send Announcements Instead?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah I have the same ? as PP is it the perfect venue if you can't fit all your guests?  And I have never received an 'announcement' so I can't speak as to how people would perceive those, but IMO an announcement is more appropriate if you're having a destination wedding and then an AHR, but i could be wrong maybe there's couples that send announcements and still have hometown wedding/receptions, it just sounds strange to me because I've never gotten one.
Posted by aegrish[/QUOTE]

Naw, my brother and SIL JOP'd it, and then her family sent out wedding announcements.  (They spelled my brother's middle name wrong, but that's a story for another day).

Kristin789

Invite the people you want to come.  Period.

Don't send announcements - just include a brief note in with holiday cards that says:  "The highlight of this year was our wedding!"
Because if you send announcements, it will look like a demand for a gift - from a person who didn't even rank high enough to get to SEE the ceremony or eat a piece of cake at the reception.

ILoveSnelly

We are in a similar boat where it is our dime, but the moms had lists a mile long, and what we ended up doing was allocating a certain number of people to each category. Each mom got to invite 35 people, not a single person more, i gave them a deadline, and they each came back with a list. We later asked them if you had to cut 5-10 ppl which would they be? But we ended up keeping the family guest lists where they were.

If you already have the lists from each mom then ask if you had to cut ## of people who would they be? And go from there. Then it is no longer a discussion, it is simply "this is how many people we can afford" and they control the actual people.

sunnysarahinNC

Thanks for this thread, very helpful.

FI and I both have small families (under 20 people each), and chose a venue that can hold 100. This means our friends, families, and family friends can be included.

FMIL had at least 100  more people she wanted there, and is planning a post-honeymoon event. I can't stop her from doing it, but I don't feel guilty for wanting a small wedding (so does FI)- we know that all those closest to us are included.