Invite to Bachelorette not Wedding?

BookWormKim

What is your take on this? Being invited to the Bachelorette and not the Wedding?

My venue is 3 hours away in my hometown and only accomodates 100 people. So...I couldn't invite everyone.

 Is it fair to invite all friends to the bachelorette bar crawl? 

misshart00

Nope. Everyone invited to a pre wedding party should get invited to the wedding.

thejucheidea

Inviting them to a pre-wedding party then not inviting them to the wedding is saying 'you're not good enough for my wedding, but you're good enough to pay for a party and drinks for me.' No, you cannot invite someone to a pre-wedding party and not invite them to the main event.

ETA: Also, just in case: you cannot plan your own pre-wedding party, whether it's a shower, engagement party or bachelorette party.

MoonlightSilver

Everyone you invite to the pre-wedding parties (Bachelorette, Bridal Shower, etc) MUST also be invited to the wedding. It is very rude to invite someone to the bachelorette, but not the wedding itself.

You are more than welcome to have a non-wedding bar crawl with these friends, but if they're not invited to the wedding, don't invite them to the bachelorette bar crawl. 

aRachel21

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-to-bachelorette-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d045a81-2368-448d-bced-2bc30962cad5Post:43904974-c555-4b5d-ada3-8b96b15f20d7">Invite to Bachelorette not Wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]What is your take on this? Being invited to the Bachelorette and not the Wedding? My venue is 3 hours away in my hometown and only accomodates 100 people. So...I couldn't invite everyone.  Is it fair to invite all friends to the bachelorette bar crawl? 
Posted by BookWormKim[/QUOTE]

A friend of mine lives in Cali, but her wedding was in Baltimore.  Her Cali friends knew they weren't invited to the wedding, but THEY threw her a bachelorette party.  She did not plan the bachelorette party for herself.  I wouldn't plan anything, and maybe they will take initiative and have something for you.

KatWAG

Ditto to the other PPs. Everyone has a limit on how many people they can invite to their wedding. It is not an excuse.

BookWormKim

I don't want to be rude so I guess I'll just nix that idea.

daveANDkristen

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_invite-to-bachelorette-not-wedding?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d045a81-2368-448d-bced-2bc30962cad5Post:4fafe1ae-3f89-4550-b30a-0c6d18d4a854">Re: Invite to Bachelorette not Wedding?</a>:
[QUOTE]Just do a non-bachelorette girl's night another time.
Posted by Liatris2010[/QUOTE]

This.  You can still get together with your friends, just don't bring your wedding into it. 

Jen4948

It's rude not to invite pre-wedding and post-wedding party guests to the wedding.  It says, "Despite your giving us gifts and attending other events in honor of our wedding, we don't value you enough to invite you to our wedding."  It's a real slap in the face.  Never do it.

Peledreamsofrain

Don't invite people to wedding events who aren't invited to the wedding.  It's not only rude, but it's hurtful to them. 

Essentially you are telling them that they are good enough to slum with or receive gifts from, but you don't trust them to clean up or behave well enough to be present at the wedding.  Either that or you only care about them enough to hang out with them casually, and not include them in a life event.

Both messages are painful to hear.  Don't say it to people you care about.

britxicanwed

I'm on a trcky one here. My stepmom is throwing me a bridal shower and we invited some people that were not invited to the wedding. I'm having a destination wedding and a lot of people, even close friends, said beforehand they were not coming to our wedding but we did invited them to the shower. I considered the etiquette that if they were not invited to the wedding I would not invite them to the shower but once the word started to come out a lot of the girls who KNEW they were not invited asked me if they were invited to the shower and I ended up inviting them because I did not wanted to be rude. So where does that leave me? I don't want them to feel they getting a "slap in the face" like someone posted earlier.:(