Putting the finishing touches on my guest list...

akhensley81

Okay, my guest list of 99.9% complete and I just finished scanning through the entire thing one last time to make sure there were no other problems/issues. (I've looked through this darn thing 5,000 times but still find things I need to fix!)

I just thought of one and I was hoping you ladies would be able to talk me through it.

We are not inviting kids (our flower girl and ring bearer will be welcome at the reception). My problem is that my cousin - who will be flying in from 800 miles away - has two young kids and I was planning on making an exception for them. If they're going to come all this way, I might as well let them come. However... FI's cousins (who are local) both have kids and I'm a little concerned that it will piss them off if their children aren't invited, after they see that my cousin's kids are there. These people are snotty enough to say something, and make a stink about it in front of everyone.

So... my question is, would it be better if I removed my cousin's kids from the invitation and just left her to deal with it? Or to add FI's cousins' kids to the invitations so as to avoid a conflict?

I've probably been staring at this list for so long, that I can't think straight any more.

ohwhynot

I'm facing the same dilemma and I''m breaking the etiquette rules by inviting OOT kids and not inviting local children, whether they are friends or family.  I know it's a breach of etiquette, and I'm doing it anyway.  I know some people will be unhappy and I'm sorry about it, but a line had to be drawn somewhere and it seems like a logical way to draw the line. 

danieliza1127

If there won't be ANY kids there except the ringbearer and flowergirl, then I wouldn't make an exception for this one cousin. 

Are you and her very close?  Would it be horrible if she couldn't attend?  Do you even know for sure whether she was planning to try to attend?

iamjoesgurl

If not inviting the OOT kids would mean that their parents wouldn't come, I'd make an exception.  If they are flying in for the wedding, chances are that they don't know anyone to watch the kids (in your town) so it would be easier just not to come.

akhensley81

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_putting-finishing-touches-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d0d7d5c-4386-4d39-91f7-13a814982bc7Post:6982698f-07b1-4c59-9307-0694b4692e5a">Re: Putting the finishing touches on my guest list...</a>:
[QUOTE]If there won't be ANY kids there except the ringbearer and flowergirl, then I wouldn't make an exception for this one cousin.  Are you and her very close?  Would it be horrible if she couldn't attend?  Do you even know for sure whether she was planning to try to attend?
Posted by danieliza1127[/QUOTE]

See, this cousin and I aren't very close. We've rarely spent time together growing up and I'm not positive that she will even attend. My mother is pretty sure that she will make the effort.

However, her mom and my dad (siblings) got in a HUGE fight when I was younger and neither family spoke to the other for about 10 years. During that time, said cousin got married & had her first child - and our family was never notified, nor invited to anything.

So a large part of me doesn't even care. But at the same time I want to try to do the right thing, since our families are speaking to each other again.

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_putting-finishing-touches-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d0d7d5c-4386-4d39-91f7-13a814982bc7Post:dbd70780-293d-47fb-89a1-92b6fdd293f0">Re: Putting the finishing touches on my guest list...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Putting the finishing touches on my guest list... : See, this cousin and I aren't very close. We've rarely spent time together growing up and I'm not positive that she will even attend. My mother is pretty sure that she will make the effort. However, her mom and my dad (siblings) got in a HUGE fight when I was younger and neither family spoke to the other for about 10 years. During that time, said cousin got married & had her first child - and our family was never notified, nor invited to anything. So a large part of me doesn't even care. But at the same time I want to try to do the right thing, since our families are speaking to each other again.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

Oh dude, I wouldn't even worry about it then and I would not make an exception for her kids. 

ecsmiles

I have the same dilemma coming up - we haven't sent out our invites so its still up in the air.  We have one uncle who is traveling from LA to VA.  On the one hand, I feel like I should let them come, but on the other hand if other people see them it could cause a rift. 

I would say no kids = no kids though - if its not this cousin who is getting upset it'll be someone else.

squirrly

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_putting-finishing-touches-guest-list?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4d0d7d5c-4386-4d39-91f7-13a814982bc7Post:dbd70780-293d-47fb-89a1-92b6fdd293f0">Re: Putting the finishing touches on my guest list...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Putting the finishing touches on my guest list... : See, this cousin and I aren't very close. We've rarely spent time together growing up and I'm not positive that she will even attend. My mother is pretty sure that she will make the effort. However, her mom and my dad (siblings) got in a HUGE fight when I was younger and neither family spoke to the other for about 10 years. During that time, said cousin got married & had her first child - and our family was never notified, nor invited to anything. So a large part of me doesn't even care. But at the same time I want to try to do the right thing, since our families are speaking to each other again.
Posted by akhensley81[/QUOTE]

In light of this info. . . I change my vote to no exception.

akhensley81

Thanks for the advice, girls! I think I over-thought this one to the point where I couldn't come up with an answer.