About a month ago I filled in as a Day-of Coordinator for a friend from work. We met around the time she got engaged and I never expected to be invited to her wedding. We gabbed about wedding things (I asked; she was never pushy) and developed a lovely friendship over about a year. She called about week before her wedding in a panic because her DoC had cancelled on her and she had no one to light candles/direct the caterer/set out placecards, etc.
I jumped at the chance to be a part of her wedding and agreed enthusistically, originally offering my services for free. She really wanted to pay me, and so I let her buy lunch for me and my FI (he said he would come and help with me).
Day of, we worked our fingers to the bone from 9am to well after 2am. I ended up doing a lot more than I thought I would do, but that's not what bothered me.
What really sucked was setting up escort cards for people we worked with, that she had met the same time as me (I'm not going to go into details about how our friendships are comparable). I also helped seat these people later, and it made me feel like a second class citizen.
Near the end of the night, the MOH slipped $100 in my pocket and the bride (and her family) took special care the thank me several times for my effort.
I thought that everything would be cool, and I know that I asked for it by accepting her offer (Really, she was very nice for giving me the opportunity, since she knew that I love wedding
cr@p) - but I didn't expect the jealousy and bitterness. The $100 almost feels worse than doing in for free. I felt like I went from doing a friend a favor to being a really underpaid vendor.
I didn't post all of this for a pity party (I can visualize the comments now), but because I had a few questions:
Is there any good way to handle having friends provide services for your wedding (especially when people they know well will be there)?
Was the $100 worse than nothing?
Clearing a few things up:
- I in no way resent the bride. We're great friends, I will never bring this up to her, and in no way would I call my distress her fault
- I didn't mind having more work than I expected. I've never slept so great in my life and I have some great pictures to use in my blog
Okay
Deep Breath
Thoughts?