ceremony precessional

tchristine01

Help.  My FMIL is insisting that my groom walk her down the aisle at the start of the ceremony.  I would rather my FMIL and FFIL just walk together or sit in front before the ceremony starts and my groom and officiant wait at front for the rest of the party.  She is very sensitive about things.  What is the best way to phrase this to my groom and to her?

Irishcurls

What does your FI think? I've never seen the groom escort his mother--either her husband or (in my case) my brothers are both escorting my mother. By the time the mothers are walking down, I've only ever seen the groom in place at the front. But if she is very sensitive and FI is ok with it....it's not going to ruin anything. You'll still be married. 

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ceremony-precessional?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4de54b4f-424f-4011-bd63-14068b91f8e1Post:1ff4f40c-380e-42a5-9af0-b2385995ebd7">ceremony precessional</a>:
[QUOTE]Help.  My FMIL is insisting that my groom walk her down the aisle at the start of the ceremony.  I would rather my FMIL and FFIL just walk together or sit in front before the ceremony starts and my groom and officiant wait at front for the rest of the party.  She is very sensitive about things.  What is the best way to phrase this to my groom and to her?
Posted by tchristine01[/QUOTE]

<div>I see what your FMIL wants, and I see what you want, but what does your FI want?  It's his mom, and he would be the one doing the walking or standing.  </div><div>
</div><div>Technically the parents aren't part of the processional, since the processional and processionaly music starts after the parents are seated normally.  So your FI could walk her in, and then go stand at the front.  Honestly, you wouldn't know the difference.  </div><div>
</div><div>Does he have any brothers?  H has 2 younger brothers, and we had the middle brother walk MIL down the aisle.  Then he just swung around and got back in line with the rest of the GM's for the processional.  </div><div>
</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I have never seen the groom walk the mother in.  It's always been either the FOG or a brother.  But if he has no problem with it, I don't think anything is wrong with it.  I would check with your ceremony venue though, as our church had H in the back with the BM and the priest until right before it started.</div>

Loopyseven

H was with the priest and the groomsmen.  BIl walked MIL down the aisle.

[Deleted User]

Both sets of parents walked down the aisle together.

Ghoti

IMO this is not a battle you want to pick. If your FI is ok with it, let him walk her down. I think all the weddings I've seen, the parents of the groom were already seated by the time the processional started, or they were informally walked down and I didn't notice, so it really wouldn't matter if FI was the one walking her. He's got to get down there somehow anyway right? 

RamonaFlowers

I think this is something your FI needs to work out with his mother.

FWIW, in my wedding, DH did escort his mom down the aisle. We started with the guys all just standing at the altar, then when the music started, DH walked up the aisle to meet his mother and nephew (The "two most important men in her life") and they escorted her down the aisle. Then my brother (Who was a GM), walked up the aisle to meet my mother, and he and my youngest brother (Not in the WP) escorted her to her seat. And then the BMs started their processional.

It might sound weird, but from what everybody's told me, it looked fine (I was obviously not able to see it), and everybody involved was really happy with it.

TaraK22

FI will be on the altar with his BM (rest of GM's will be seated in front row), and FFIL will escort FMIL. However, I've seen a groom escorted down the aisle by both parents (I don't want to misspeak, b/c I don't remember for sure, but it was a Jewish wedding, and I'm pretty sure I was told that it's traditional in Jewish ceremonies for both parents to escort the groom). My only point is that it's not going to be sooo out of the ordinary, and if it's important to your FI and/or your FMIL, I'd likely let it go. It's 45 seconds down the aisle, and FI will be standing at the end of the aisle when you walk in either way!

artbyallie

My fiancé is actually escorting my mom, since his parents are walking together and my dad will be waiting with me. As PPs have said, this really should be up to the groom, not you, since it concerns him.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

I don't know why this is a huge deal. If she really wants it, let it go.

DramaGeek

I've only ever seen the MOG seated by the groom.  That's what we did.

*Seating of the grandparents, each grandmother escorted by a GM with grandfather's following behind.  GM returned up the aisle to take their places in the processional

*Seating of MOG by groom, with FOG following.  H gave his mom a kiss and then went back to the aisle to wait for his turn in the processional.

*Seating of MOB by GM (my best friend's husband, who was like a son to my parents).  Then GM returned to the back of the church to take his place in the processional.

*Candlelighters

*Mother's light unity candles

*H and pastor

*BM and GM

*MOH and BM

*Bride and FOB

DramaGeek

OP didn't say anything about MOG being a part of the processional, just that MOG was insisting Groom seat her and that OP would prefer MOG and FOG walk in together and that Groom and Officiant wait at the front.

sammyny

I don't think I've seen a groom walk his mother down the aisle, because he's on the altar and his appearance there is supposed to be as special as the bride's is when she appears and then walks down the aisle, isn't it? Isnt' there another male relative or groomsman that she would be satisfied with - another son, nephew, grandson, the best man? In any case, if not and she insists and FI is good with it, why fight this battle, what harm is there in it? People get walked down the aisle, a picture is taken, and then it's forgotten ... everybody is waiting for the bride to come down the aisle. She will not be part of the wedding party, usually relatives get walked down first, then the roll is set up in the aisle, and then the music begins.

leia1979

My FI plans to walk in with both his parents. I told him the only way I'd let my parents escort me is if he walks with his, too.

iamjoesgurl

Since you won't even be there, does it really matter?  The only think I can think of is that if your FI has to come outside of your ceremony site to get his mother, he might see you if you are also waiting there.  Is that your concern?

In our wedding, MIL was escorted by a GM, not her husband (FIL walked behind her).  That was her choice.  I think it should be okay to let her enter as she wishes.

tchristine01

Yes you did read it right.  She has a thing with control.  I thought it was strange to have the FMIL walking down the aisle at the start of the ceremony as weill.  I have never seen it done before. No, no one is Jewish.  She just wants it to be just like her first sons wedding.  My fiance is ok with it.  We have an outdoor venue without any side aisles back to where we are staging so it will be difficult to run to and from.
I'm sensing that it is not weird to have my fiance walk her down with my FFIL walking behind.  Should I wait to start the music until the bridesmaids are ready to walk down to keep the precessional seperate from his parents being seated?  We aren't doing anything special for any of the grandparents and my parents are walking me down.  Or should I just make it all one thing?

DramaGeek

Are you having any prelude music, or will it be silent until the processional?  If you're having prelude music, just have it done during that.  If you're not, add a song to the "processional" for the seating of the grandparents and Groom's parents, maybe something that has meaning to the family.  We used "Always" for the seating of the grandparents and moms because it was my grandma and step-grandpa's wedding song, which I sang at their wedding.  Then go with your processional music as planned for the wedding party.

I really don't see this as her trying to control or be a part of the processional.  In my world this is totally normal and I wouldn't even bat an eye.  Neither would any of my friends - it's the way it's been done at every wedding I've attended.  And I assure you, it will not look strange for him to walk his mom down the aisle.  He'll give her a hug and a kiss, then join your pastor at the altar, or however you choose to do it.

tchristine01

Thanks for the help!!! I feel a lot better about it now.