Shower Etiquette

cwill6212

My MOH and I were talking over the weekend about a bridal shower. She was asking me for ideas about how many ladies, location, etc. Neither one of us have a large enough place to accommodate a shower so we were wondering what the etiquette is for having it at a restaurant. MOH said she'd be glad to pay for appetizers, but of course can't foot a full food and drink bill for all 25 people. If she puts on the invitations that appetizers will be provided, does that follow etiquette? Or should we skip the restaurant and look for a place where we can provide the refreshments ourselves?

I appreciate any input/advice!

adamar15

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_shower-etiquette-13?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e014555-d2ad-4d29-b92d-ab14b16ed33aPost:b243bfd5-f40c-47cb-a792-64decdda8d5f">Shower Etiquette</a>:
[QUOTE]My MOH and I were talking over the weekend about a bridal shower. She was asking me for ideas about how many ladies, location, etc. Neither one of us have a large enough place to accommodate a shower so we were wondering what the etiquette is for having it at a restaurant. MOH said she'd be glad to pay for appetizers, but of course can't foot a full food and drink bill for all 25 people. If she puts on the invitations that appetizers will be provided, does that follow etiquette? <strong>Or should we skip the restaurant and look for a place where we can provide the refreshments ourselves?</strong> I appreciate any input/advice!
Posted by cwill6212[/QUOTE]

Do the bolded.  She should host the party she can afford without making guests pay for themselves.

hoffse

Your host should really provide refreshments.  A shower doesn't have to be as large as 25 people.

Maggie0829

If your MOH is stating that she is hosting the party then all food and drinks should be covered.  If your MOH cannot afford a large sit down meal then she should consider having a cocktail hour type shower (during 2-3pm or 4-5pm) this way it is appropriate to only have appetizers and a few drinks...she could provide non-alcoholic beverages as well as a signature drink especially made for your shower.  This should cut the costs of food and beverage for the party.

gundy21

And for a lunch / afternoon shower, your host is fine providing only non-alcoholic drinks.  I was a co-host of a baby shower recently has we did a Saturday late morning brunch - a little more budget friendly option to consider.

katehar01

I agree with PPs.

If you want to make it smaller, you could consider doing a "friends" shower.  Since she's the host, she can determine the guest list size based on what she can afford.  I

I'm MOH in my best friend's wedding, and because of he large family, the guest list for the shower will be large (50).  I can't really afford this, so I asked the MOB if she'd like to do separate "friend" and "family" showers, or if she'd like to go in on the shower together.  She prefered doing one big shower, so she's paying some, the BMs are paying some.  This worked for us because I know the MOB pretty well, it depends on the individual situation, obviously.

An off meal-time sounds like a good idea, but a restaurant could work depending on your budget.  In my area a lot of more casual restaurants will offer a a luncheon buffet for around $12 per person, just to give you an idea of what you might be able to find.

cwill6212

I was right on time with my etiquette thinking. I told her I didn't think a restaurant was ideal unless she could cover all of the food and drinks. 25 people is cutting the guest list as tight as I can (half of that is FI family) so I will do some looking today to find other ideas on where to have the shower non-restaurant!

Thanks for the tips everyone!

Loopyseven

Try a park pavillion if it will be nice enough weather.  

My shower was held on the patio of a bar at lunchtime on a Sunday.  The bar didn't serve food (or have a kitchen really for that matter) so they were able to bring in their own menu (kabob's, pasta salad, fruit and dip, etc).  If it had rained we could have moved inside.  I have no idea what it cost for the space though - they had 1 bartender on duty and had mimosas and sangria and non alcoholic beverages.

tpender13

I agree with PPs -- this would be fine if it's held after lunch and before dinner. My shower was held at a restaurant, invitations said "Join us for lunch..." -- I was extremely flattered that the hosts would cover a restaurant meal like that for everyone, even if it was small. But then everybody split the bill. I felt kind of bad for my guests.

LeiselEB

Are there restaurants in your area that have private rooms where you can set a small amount of menu selections? Or even just have some appetizer samplers available? That might be a way to lower costs. 

If not, just have it at a non meal time.