Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration

ashleighshannon

My husband and I had a wonderful elopement with one of my closest friends July 15, 2012.  Once my family found out they were crushed (my mom really pissed), so we have decided to renew our vows/celebrate our marriage Sept 2013 (not in July or August because of family reunions, bdays etc).  Anyway, I plan to have a large "sweets table" that will include a wedding cake.  I will not wear a large wedding dress, but I am wearing a custom tea length gown.  I am not registering for gifts or anything, as we are not wanting anyone to buy us anything. 

Any ideas as to how this renewal should transition?  I'm thinking both of us would stand up and recite our vows at the begining of the "party", then open up for toasts from guests. 

So.... Starts at 6pm, seated and recite at 6:30, cake 6:45 and dinner/dancing 7 to ending... any views or variations?

itzMS

Have your party, but skip the vows.

Give a nice toast to your guests and enjoy the party.

GoodLuckBear14

Vow renewals are for landmark anniversaries or overcoming something like a life threatening illness or a rocky patch in your marriage. To do a vow renewal to placate angry relatives (or in some cases have a pretty princess day) are kind of insulting to real vow renewals.

mcda04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:63e82c31-aede-4976-9f27-becc50ec7b2c">Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I had a wonderful elopement with one of my closest friends July 15, 2012.  Once my family found out they were crushed (my mom really pissed), so we have decided to renew our vows/celebrate our marriage Sept 2013 (not in July or August because of family reunions, bdays etc).  Anyway, I plan to have a large "sweets table" that will include a wedding cake.  I will not wear a large wedding dress, but I am wearing a custom tea length gown.  I am not registering for gifts or anything, as we are not wanting anyone to buy us anything.  Any ideas as to how this renewal should transition?  I'm thinking both of us would stand up and recite our vows at the begining of the "party", then open up for toasts from guests.  So.... Starts at 6pm, seated and recite at 6:30, cake 6:45 and dinner/dancing 7 to ending... any views or variations?
Posted by ashleighshannon[/QUOTE]
Have your party without reciting vows. Your invites can say "x & x tied the knot on 7/15/12, Please join us in celebrating our marriage on x date @ x time" something along these lines.

The timeframe you noted is a dinner slot so you should serve full dinner. Look into restaurant catering or buffet style options. I would suggest an early morning celebration in order to just have the sweets table but you mentioned you wanted dancing so this will not work for you.

Sierra524

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:eea93722-bbe6-4d8b-8565-4818c382e804">Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]Vow renewals are for landmark anniversaries or overcoming something like a life threatening illness or a rocky patch in your marriage. To do a vow renewal to placate angry relatives (or in some cases have a pretty princess day) are kind of insulting to real vow renewals.
Posted by GoodLuckBear14[/QUOTE]

This exactly.

ETA: Just wondering, OP, are you happy with the way you got married? You did say it was "wonderful" so I am assuming you are happy with it. If you are, I wouldnt go thru all this planning just to satisfy you're family. You marriage is about you and you DH...if you did it the way you wanted the first time, why do it again after only 1 year? I

Fancypantsamy

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:63e82c31-aede-4976-9f27-becc50ec7b2c">Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]My husband and I had a wonderful elopement with one of my closest friends July 15, 2012.  Once my family found out they were crushed (my mom really pissed), so we have decided to renew our vows/celebrate our marriage Sept 2013 (not in July or August because of family reunions, bdays etc).  Anyway, I plan to have a large "sweets table" that will include a wedding cake.  I will not wear a large wedding dress, but I am wearing a custom tea length gown.  I am not registering for gifts or anything, as we are not wanting anyone to buy us anything.  Any ideas as to how this renewal should transition?  I'm thinking both of us would stand up and recite our vows at the begining of the "party", then open up for toasts from guests.  So.... Starts at 6pm, seated and recite at 6:30, cake 6:45 and dinner/dancing 7 to ending... any views or variations?
Posted by ashleighshannon[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>
</div><div>This seems like a decent compromise and you seem to be heading in the right direction to avoid the pretty-princess day thing most women on here view as poor form. Usually it's always recommended that for a vow renewal you do two big things:</div><div>
</div><div>- Make  all of your guests know it's not a wedding (you can mention this on the invitations)</div><div>- Avoid super weddingish things like bouquet tosses, dad walking you down the aisle, bridesmaids and groomsmen, etc. (Since you're not wearing a wedding dress and won't be having registry you're off to a good start)</div><div>
</div><div>I know the wedding cake is a wedding thing, but personally that wouldn't bother me as a guest since you don't seem to be having a lot of the other wedding frills and really a big cake is a big cake - I just don't think I'd side eye it like I would a whole flock of bridesmaids. Plus cake rules. </div><div>
</div><div>Also, CMGr usually posts this link to women having vow renewals. Just incase she doesn't comment here I went and found it for you   <span style="font-family:Arial;font-size:12px;" class="Apple-style-span"><a style="background-image:initial;background-attachment:initial;background-origin:initial;background-clip:initial;background-color:transparent;border-style:initial;border-color:initial;font-size:12px;outline-width:0px;outline-style:initial;outline-color:initial;vertical-align:baseline;text-decoration:none;font-weight:normal;color:#3a3a3a;border-width:0px;padding:0px;margin:0px;" rel="nofollow" href="http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html">http://www.idotaketwo.com/vow_renewal_etiquette.html</a></span></div><div>
</div><div>Anyway, I hope it's lovely!</div><div>

</div>

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:f72b4683-5966-4821-b518-645ac13c39f1">Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration : This exactly. <strong>ETA: Just wondering, OP, are you happy with the way you got married? You did say it was "wonderful" so I am assuming you are happy with it. If you are, I wouldnt go thru all this planning just to satisfy you're family. You marriage is about you and you DH...if you did it the way you wanted the first time, why do it again after only 1 year?</strong> I
Posted by Sierra524[/QUOTE]

This is a great question.

monkeysip

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:cca624f8-1a88-43df-b948-c505f13a6cee">Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration : This is a great question.
Posted by Maggie0829[/QUOTE]

Yup...and I think it's kind of compromising your original decision to elope.  That's what you wanted, it made you happy, and now it seems like you're just doing this out of obligation.

I can totally understand a mom or dad feeling really disappointed that they didn't see their son/daughter get married.  But this wouldn't make me feel better.  Your mom still isn't seeing your wedding... just a redo. 

If you WANT the party, then have the party by all means.  But don't do it out of obligation, and I wouldn't say the vows.

winelover123

Don't say the vows. I just can't really picture it in my head without it looking.....awkward. Can you two just give a joint speech to the guests thanking them for coming to celebrate your marriage then open it up to any other speeches? I think the rest of the plan sounds fine - just a big party. Do you have some wedding pictures you can display and maybe a written copy of your vows if you want them present somehow? For my engagement party we had a collage of FI and I through the years - if you set up something like that a printed copy of your vows would look lovely.

ashleighshannon

Of course I am happy with the decision we made and how it was done.  The whole point of a "vow renewal" is to actually recite your vows in front of friends and loved ones.  So this is something that will be done.  We are very much so inlove and have been since the day we met.

Thank you @Fancypantsamy. 

@winelover123 - we do not have any pictures of our elopement. 

@CMGr, you do not need to understand why I am doing this.  MAGGIE0829A - why are you replying to my posting?  You didn't have anything valuable to say.

@SIERRA & goodluckbear14 - vow renewals are for whomever wants to have them, whenever they want to have them.  if you do a google search, you would find several articles (even a few from this site) stating the exact same thing.

Nobody answered my original question. All I want to know is in what order people usually have the focal points of the vow renewal. I did not ask how to plan it or what to incorporate within.  I don't really care about why or what you think is appropriate and inappropriate.  After doing several hours of research, I have found that it is more than appropriate to wear wedding dresses, cocktail dresses, sun dresses or whatever "you" want to your vow renewal. It is appropriate to have a bouquet or wear a simple corsage. A vow renewal can be as big or small as wanted/needed. The only things that are "looked down upon" are having are the traditional things such as the tossing of the bouquet at the renewal.  None of which I am incorporating.  Anyway, thank you for your opinions, although only one or two were actually of any help.  

ashleighshannon

I've been reading several posts on this site and people are very rude.  I don't understand why it is like this on here.  If you dont have anything nice to say, dont say anything at all.

If people ask about apples, why are you replying with oranges? 

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:50f8130c-5a9d-460a-835e-9af97e92b208">Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]The whole point of a "vow renewal" is to actually recite your vows in front of friends and loved ones.   
Posted by ashleighshannon[/QUOTE]

If you wanted to recite your vows in front of friends and loved ones, why didn't you invite them to your wedding?

Maggie0829

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_vow-renewalmarriage-celebration?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e050caf-8bc1-406c-8e68-d8cb912b2ee8Post:50f8130c-5a9d-460a-835e-9af97e92b208">Re: Vow Renewal/Marriage Celebration</a>:
[QUOTE]Of course I am happy with the decision we made and how it was done.  The whole point of a "vow renewal" is to actually recite your vows in front of friends and loved ones.  So this is something that will be done.  We are very much so inlove and have been since the day we met. Thank you @Fancypantsamy.  @winelover123 - we do not have any pictures of our elopement.  @CMGr, you do not need to understand why I am doing this. <strong> MAGGIE0829A - why are you replying to my posting?  You didn't have anything valuable to say.</strong> @SIERRA & goodluckbear14 - vow renewals are for whomever wants to have them, whenever they want to have them.  if you do a google search, you would find several articles (even a few from this site) stating the exact same thing. Nobody answered my original question. All I want to know is in what order people usually have the focal points of the vow renewal. I did not ask how to plan it or what to incorporate within.  I don't really care about why or what you think is appropriate and inappropriate.  After doing several hours of research, I have found that it is more than appropriate to wear wedding dresses, cocktail dresses, sun dresses or whatever "you" want to your vow renewal. It is appropriate to have a bouquet or wear a simple corsage. A vow renewal can be as big or small as wanted/needed. The only things that are "looked down upon" are having are the traditional things such as the tossing of the bouquet at the renewal.  None of which I am incorporating.  Anyway, thank you for your opinions, although only one or two were actually of any help.  
Posted by ashleighshannon[/QUOTE]

I actually wasn't replying to your post I was commeting and replying on what Sierra said.  I thought her question was a good one and I was interested to know the answer.  So you can put your claws away ok?

Calypso1977

your family was probably pissed and hurt because htey werent at your wedding.  you can do this vow renewal, but it doesnt change the fact that they never got to see you get married.