Big mouthed boss

Rysbride12

I dont know if this story totally works for this area, but I need to vent about a touchy situation that I was put into at work.
So I have been doing my invites on an A list/B list situation where the A list received save the dates and the B list will receive invites after I have heard from a majority of the A list based on numbers. Some of my coworkers are on the A list and received save the dates. I made sure to let those coworkers who received save the dates know who else received them and how more people will be invited later, but to keep this to themselves. The one person who I did not give this speech to is my boss, but I didnt think it was a big deal as she is a super private person and doesnt talk to anyone about anything. With that said, she shares an office with her boss who is on my B list. After I gave my boss the save the date, her boss walks in their office and my boss holds up the save the date and starts to ask me if she can show her boss the save the date and I must have made a face because mid way through her question, she puts the save the date away and changes the subject. SUPER awkward. So after that, I send her an email with the explanation of the A and B list, letting her know who had save the dates and who didnt so she would know.
So fastforward a day, she walks into another office of someone on my B list and says "Guess what I did the other day?:" and proceeds to tell the story about her blabbing about the save the date to someone who wasnt getting one. She just goes and assumes this coworker was on the A list but she wasnt! So ironically at that moment my boss was doing Exactly what she is telling about in the story. So my boss asks the coworker if she got her save the date yet and she says no. At that point, I had to make up some story about how I had to order the save the dates in phases and the next batch wasnt in yet so thats why she doesnt have hers. At this rate, my boss is gonna cost me a bunch of money as I will soon have to invite ALL of my coworkers. lol... seriously though...Awkward!!

larzhope

this is your own faul for having an A list and a B list. 

Can you see how this was a terrible idea now that people are feeling awkward all around?

Stop talking about your wedding at work.

adamar15

And that is why you don't do A/B lists. 

slbinpink

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-mouthed-boss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2a1193-3b4c-47b3-a248-58153cf756d6Post:235c3912-530b-4a31-898e-62f84d8c920f">Re: Big mouthed boss</a>:
[QUOTE]And that is why you don't do A/B lists. 
Posted by adamar15[/QUOTE]

This. Perfect example...

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-mouthed-boss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2a1193-3b4c-47b3-a248-58153cf756d6Post:e9b00edc-464c-461f-b199-b724b83aa5c2">Big mouthed boss</a>:
[QUOTE]I dont know if this story totally works for this area, but I need to vent about a touchy situation that I was put into at work. So I have been doing my invites on an A list/B list situation where the A list received save the dates and the B list will receive invites after I have heard from a majority of the A list based on numbers. Some of my coworkers are on the A list and received save the dates. I made sure to let those coworkers who received save the dates know who else received them and how more people will be invited later, but to keep this to themselves. The one person who I did not give this speech to is my boss, but I didnt think it was a big deal as she is a super private person and doesnt talk to anyone about anything. With that said, she shares an office with her boss who is on my B list. After I gave my boss the save the date, her boss walks in their office and my boss holds up the save the date and starts to ask me if she can show her boss the save the date and I must have made a face because mid way through her question, she puts the save the date away and changes the subject. SUPER awkward. So after that, I send her an email with the explanation of the A and B list, letting her know who had save the dates and who didnt so she would know. So fastforward a day, she walks into another office of someone on my B list and says "Guess what I did the other day?:" and proceeds to tell the story about her blabbing about the save the date to someone who wasnt getting one. She just goes and assumes this coworker was on the A list but she wasnt! So ironically at that moment my boss was doing Exactly what she is telling about in the story. So my boss asks the coworker if she got her save the date yet and she says no. At that point, I had to make up some story about how I had to order the save the dates in phases and the next batch wasnt in yet so thats why she doesnt have hers. At this rate, my boss is gonna cost me a bunch of money as I will soon have to invite ALL of my coworkers. lol... seriously though...Awkward!!
Posted by Rysbride12[/QUOTE]
Well, you set yourself up for this one.

1) A/B lists are rude, for the reasons that you just found out.

2)  STDs = invites, so there's no point in doing an A list for invites and B list for people that you "don't hear back from."  STDs do not require an RSVP, and even if someone mentions that they don't think they can make it, they still get an invite, in case their situation changes.

3)  If you invite co-workers, you NEVER hand out wedding related stuff AT WORK.  You send invites to their house, and keep the wedding talk on the down-low while at work.

Rysbride12

Yes, clearly I learned my lesson here. The A and B list seemed to make the most sense. What can I say, I'm a newbie. Everyone can learn from me I suppose.   So since the general consensus is that this A and B list is a bad idea, how do you control your number of guests and replace those who cant go once the invitations are sent out? Because as I was doing it the B list would be the people who I would invite after others said they couldnt go. I'm not meaning for it to be rude, I just cant invite everyone.

tidetravel

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-mouthed-boss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2a1193-3b4c-47b3-a248-58153cf756d6Post:c70023c2-f515-4fe4-87ef-ac4f362307c4">Re: Big mouthed boss</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, clearly I learned my lesson here. The A and B list seemed to make the most sense. What can I say, I'm a newbie. Everyone can learn from me I suppose.   So since the general consensus is that this A and B list is a bad idea, how do you control your number of guests and replace those who cant go once the invitations are sent out? Because as I was doing it the B list would be the people who I would invite after others said they couldnt go. I'm not meaning for it to be rude, I just cant invite everyone.
Posted by Rysbride12[/QUOTE]

You invite the number of people that you can afford to host.  If people decline, and you have a minimum that you need to meed (for your venue/caterer) ask about upgrading your package to something nicer.

nzchick88

A and B lists are a bad idea, as are STD's for workmates, IMHO. What happens if you have a sudden change and you don't work there when you get married? You are stuck inviting a bunch of exworkmates (though not all of them in your situation)

hellerc1

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_big-mouthed-boss?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4e2a1193-3b4c-47b3-a248-58153cf756d6Post:c70023c2-f515-4fe4-87ef-ac4f362307c4">Re: Big mouthed boss</a>:
[QUOTE]Yes, clearly I learned my lesson here. The A and B list seemed to make the most sense. What can I say, I'm a newbie. Everyone can learn from me I suppose.   So since the general consensus is that this A and B list is a bad idea, how do you control your number of guests <strong>and replace </strong>those who cant go once the invitations are sent out? Because as I was doing it the B list would be the people who I would invite after others said they couldnt go. I'm not meaning for it to be rude, I just cant invite everyone.
Posted by Rysbride12[/QUOTE]

Yes A/B lists are a bad and rude thing. Now the bold part, you don't replace people who can't come that's also rude. As PP's said host who you can afford. My FFIL can't make it due to the travel but we would never think of replacing him just to make up numbers as it comes off in your post. He is irreplaceable as are all our guests.

chrissyinatl

Yikes!  Handing out Save the Dates at work is definitely a bad idea.  Send to their house!  And don't ever tell people there is a B list!  Yikes! 

Work is a sticky situation - but I guess you have learned this now.