B Party Advice

wright944

So my MOH and one of my BM's are planning my B party. The BM shows her love and support by buying gifts and planning very elaborate celebrations and I am not like that and neither is my MOH. From the get go my BM suggested we go to Vegas for the B party and I shot that down. I have six girls in my BP and two of them are out of state one in ATL and one in Dallas and I know neither of them have a ton of vacation time for the shower, the B party and the wedding. My BM still thinks that we should do a weekend somewhere instead of where the wedding is being held, so I suggested Chicago, because it is an easy drive for those that are in town (if they really wanted to plan a weekend get away for me) and you can find some good hotel deals or condos to rent that would be reasonable for everyone ( 3 nights for $150 per person). I suggested that I pay my own way in terms of the hotel/house rental and they shot that down. 

I feel so guilty that they are paying for this trip for me and I am afraid that the out of town girls will feel that they have to be there for it (which I totally don't expect them to be). Should I just nix the entire idea, or should I just make it clear that whoever can make it can make it and whoever can't there is not going to be any hard feeling or expectiation that they have to be there? Also, should I push that I should pay for my part of the room? 

Sorry for such a long post. 

brilibby4

Your bridesmaids are adults.  If they can't afford something, it is up to them to speak up about that ahead of time.  As the bride, you really shouldn't be so involved in the planning to the point that it is stressing you out like this.  I think it is nice to offer to pay your own way, but if they refuse then don't fight it.

Summer2011Bride

If there are other in-town girls that are up for the Chicago weekend, I say go ahead with it. I would still extend the invitation to OOT BMs/friends because you never know who is up for it or has the time off and wants to use it, but just make it clear that you absolutely don't expect them to take time off work to come, although you'd love to see them.

As far as paying your own way, I get where you're coming from. We didn't even do anything this elaborate but I still hated that everyone insisted on paying for me at my b-parrty. However, it's really common around here for the hosts to pay the bride's way. If you've brought up that you would like to pay for your own room and they shot it down, I wouln't keep bringing it up and just let them know how grateful you are.

wright944

Thanks for the advice!. I will let it go and see what they plan. I love both of them dearly and just don't want them straining themselves too much for me. I just have a hard time letting people do things for me...always have. 

SB1512

If they don't want you to pay your own way, could you see if they would let you contribute here and there on a smaller level?  maybe leaving the tip at mealtimes insead of covering your own meal?  I understand where you are coming from, and a weekend will add up in cost once you think about eating meals out, drinks, and tipping.