Wedding Etiquette Forum

I am a horrible person sometimes

So my sister, whom I love dearly, has decided to take over the reception decorating.  I mentioned that I had ordered a vintage dress (but may return it if it doesn't look right).  "OH! So your theme is 'vintage'!"  she squeals.  No, I don't WANT a theme.  Our theme is "we're getting married, so come eat our free food and drink our booze and listen to this band we've hired." 

She wants to take over all the decorating, and submit ideas to me to see if I like them.  One, she will get extremely butthurt if I don't like them.  She's already mentioned some things I just don't like (example: tulle).

Two, I am way too control-freaky to just sit back and let someone else take care of this.  I have already started to goodwill/st.vinnies/craigslist inexpensive vases and candle holders so I can have all the stuff ready and waiting (I'm the type of person whose christmas shopping is done by Halloween) far in advance.  I don't want to trust this all to someone with whom I may not see eye-to-eye and who has a more normal sense of timing. 

I am a horrible person for thinking these things and feeling grumpy about it and here's why:  this sister has just been diagnosed with cancer and is facing surgery in two weeks.  Fiance thinks that putting a lot of thought/energy into the wedding stuff may be therapeutic for her.  I simply CANNOT say "no" to her. 

Who would tell a cancer patient "No, you're not good enough to plan my special, special, pretty-princess day!"  A horrible person, that's who.  So I guess I'm just venting here, because she's doing it. 

Re: I am a horrible person sometimes

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    Have you talked to her about your ideas?  If not, you should, she may be happy to carry your ideas out.  If she balks at not being able to do her ideas only then you need to set some ground rules.  I think you should have said something as soon as she squealed you want vintage. 

    So talk to her and tell her you are thrilled for the help and here is your vision.
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    I'm sorry, but I don't think your feelings make you a horrible person and I don't think you should cave just because of what she's going through.  Is there something else wedding related she can help with instead?  Maybe she could do your wedding invitations?  Then you could sweetly say "you know, I already have pretty set ideas on decorating so I'm going to take care of that, but I would love it if you could take care of the invitations for me or find ideas to show me!"

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    Why can't you spend some time with her and you guys can go over stuff together?
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    It's your wedding, but it would definitely be nice to let her do it.  Hopefully it will take her mind off of things.  You just have to make sure to veto things you don't like and insist on things you want. 
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    I'm probably a horrible person too, but cancer or no cancer, if I don't like it - I'm going to tell you about it. 

    Perhaps you can guide her and give her examples of what you have in mind for your ceremony and reception.

    To be honest, I'm scared as hell to turn anything over to anyone.  I just know it won't turn out the way I want it to.  I'm working on it though.
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    We will get together, relatively soon, to go over ideas.  I did tell her that I don't want a theme, and she said that she understood, but that she really wants an overall "look" that she just knows we can accomplish using stuff her friends have saved from their kids' weddings.  That's where the tulle came in. 

    But now that I think about it, I honestly can't remember the decor of too many weddings I attended, so maybe it's just one of those "only important to the bride" issues.  How bad could it be?  She does have good taste in general, so I will chill the f out, sit down with her and look at her ideas, and generally roll with it unless it's something really terrible.  Odds are, there's not that much that can go wrong with flowers, vases, and candles, right? 

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    I'm on your side. I'd tell her YOUR vision ASAP and then have her help you with that stuff - collecting vases, researching vendors, etc.
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    I think this is a situation where compromise is the key. I know it is your wedding, and I think you should absolutely have the ultimate say, but I also know 'projects' are very helpful in keeping a sick person working towards recovery. Do it together and I think things will be great. And no, you are not a horrible person.
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    I concur. You are a horrible person......jk.
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    When you meet with your sister, perhaps give her a list of "no's", such as no tulle. Then she get an idea of what you want and don't. 

    You aren't a terrible person, because most people with a serious illness don't want others walking on eggshells around them.  As a PP pointed out, this decorating project could be just the thing she needs to take her mind off her illness and treatments.  Positive energy does wonders for those who are seriously ill.
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