Too much guest/audience involvment in the ceremony?

mocha beans

So, my idea for a few things in the ceremony.  I'm waiting to get the wording that my officiant usually does, and I want to add a few things.

First, we want to do a Love Letter & Wine Box ceremony.  Basically, in a box with a bottle of wine, add a love letter we've written to each other, and nail the box shut at the ceremony.  Open it again in 5 or 10 years, or before a divorce attorney it called (hopefully it wouldn't happen).  My addition is to also have guests write bits of advice on cards that will also be included in the box.

Second, do a Quaker style marriage certificate/license in addition to the regular legal one.  Vows that are said are printed on a large piece of paper, me and FI sign it, then all the guests in attendance also sign it.  Showing that they support the marriage.  I haven't figured out how the logisitics of that will work out exactly, but we aren't going to have many guests.

ETA the actual question:  Do you think this is getting guests too involved, would you be annoyed?

laurenclaire1386

I wouldn't be annoyed at all. I'm such a sucker for sweet stuff like this.

tidetravel

Can you move the box ceremony to the reception?  Maybe read the letters at the beginning, and have the DJ announce that the guests can contribute words of advice/wisdom throughout the night.  Nail the box shut towards the end of the reception.

tracy_k

It all seems fine to me, I just have to wonder what's the point of the guests writing out advice that you won't get or see until 5-10 years from your wedding day?

mocha beans

Ooh, that's a good idea Tide.  Maybe as a closing ceremony type of thing.

mocha beans

I'm not too sure Tracy, honestly.  I was thinking along the lines of, "you've made it this far, here's some advice for the next # years"  or  "you look so happy on the wedding day, just wanted to remind you!"   At least that's what I'd do, not sure what others will think.  I've never seen it done before.

julezlee

I like Tide's idea.  I'm assuming if you do these two things you wouldn't do a guest book, right?  I think they both sound cool and since you guys are doing a small DW I think everyone who's there will like being involved more than they would at a big wedding.

RachNRich

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_much-guestaudience-involvment-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f1f526e-d006-4bf9-a1c5-954bb4be6a99Post:8cd90c31-0740-463a-a688-8ff94d2c53df">Re: Too much guest/audience involvment in the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]I wouldn't be annoyed at all. I'm such a sucker for sweet stuff like this.
Posted by laurenclaire1386[/QUOTE]

This. I love these ideas---but, I think Tide suggested moving one of them to the reception--I think that'd be a great idea too.

Sunshine9463

I wouldn't be a bit annoyed. I think those are great ideas, and not at all too taxing on guests.
I really love the wine box idea. Like your own little time capsule, so cute.

ETA: I think moving the love letter/wine box to the reception would be a fun detail as well.

mocha beans

That was my thought too Sunshine.  Maybe I can get my photographer to quick edit and print a few pics to include also.  Or my dad can.

Yeah, no guest book Julez.  If anything, I'd just have some more cards that people could write something funny on to include in the wedding album, like scanned and printed.  Or maybe a diy photobooth type operation.  But I'm not sure about the idea of getting people to do more thinking than eating/drinking.  I think cute idea bride brain is bordering on overload.

tidetravel

We did the wish jars for our wedding.  It was really fun to go through them, especially as it got later into the night, and guests got a bit tipsy.  Some people didn't sign the cards though, and we had to figure out who wrote them.

We ordered the cards through vistaprint (100 postcards for free) and it worked out well.  I would suggest putting a line for their signature on the cards to remind guests to sign them.

mags0607

I like both of those ideas, especially if its a small wedding. If it was a huge wedding, I think it would be too much of a logistical pain.

I also like moving the box idea to the reception, or having it available before the ceremony, so guests can ocupy themselves while waiting for things to get started.

If I was writing the letter, mine would be much more heartfelt before the ceremony, rather than during the reception when I was a couple drinks in. lol

Sunshine9463

Mocha, that would be amazing if someone could print out pictures for you to put in! I would definitely try to make that happen, if possible.
And my bride brain is starting to smoke with overuse as well, FWIW. Gah!

mocha beans

Mags, my other thought was to include the cards in the swag bags in the hotel rooms.  Then people can think about it, and hopefully remember to bring them with (I would be the idiot that would forget it at the hotel).

katieanne85

I wouldnt be annoted, but ive never been to an 'audience participation' wedding that hasnt seemed contrived. I actually like the first idea, we are planning something similar as a guest book. the second one, only if your actually quaker, sorry, but one of my peeves is ppl using other ppls traditions simply cuz they seem fun. And a wedding is between the two of you, unless the written support of each and every guest is actually significant to your marriage, and in some cultures like the quakers it is, I would feel weird signing it. I do like the idea of advice cards from guests, i would just feel funny being a part of someones last ditch effort against divorce. :P

thesuninherhead

I won't be annoyed at all if I get to come! ;P

danieliza1127

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_much-guestaudience-involvment-ceremony?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f1f526e-d006-4bf9-a1c5-954bb4be6a99Post:7602fa80-4e28-4514-ad60-0861154aead6">Re: Too much guest/audience involvment in the ceremony?</a>:
[QUOTE]Yeah, no guest book Julez.  If anything, I'd just have some more cards that people could write something funny on to include in the wedding album, like scanned and printed.  Or maybe a diy photobooth type operation.  But I'm not sure about the idea of getting people to do more thinking than eating/drinking.  I think cute idea bride brain is bordering on overload.
Posted by mocha beans[/QUOTE]

Please don't have them write on cards to go in the box AND write on more cards to go in an album.  At that point, I would get frustrated, there are only so many ways to say congratulations, or well wishes.

You could do the little cards for the wine box as a guest book, having people fill them out when they come in before they sit.  Then just before the ceremony, someone could grab them for you and have them ready for the ceremony part.

[Deleted User]

Personally I like the idea, though I don't think I could wait 5 to 10 years to open the box. We're doing something similiar, I had a lot of invitations left over (made them myself), so I cut them into designs and am going to place them next to the guest book with a fancy bowl. There will be a sign inviting guests to write a message to the bride and groom on the invitations, nothing major, just congrats or whatever, then I'm going to make something out of what they write.

sophistryliz

I love the wine box idea. Do that during the reception!

squirrly

I like the vows thing a lot.  The letter/box/wine/advice thing I think is better done as part of the reception, if you want to include guest advice.  But. . . why not have three "buckets" - let guests choose if they want to write you something to read immediately, post honeymoon, or on your 5/10 year anniversary.  They just drop it in the appropriate bucket & then you all read at the right times. 

tommyandy

Make your RSVPs the wedding thoughts/advice cards.  This will give your guests time to think of what to write & will encourage them to send the darn thing back.  Put follow-up instructions on your wedding website along with a few good quotes from the cards themselves.