Wedding Etiquette Forum

Not all Relatives on Guest List?

I just had a conversation with my mom about the guest list I've put together so far. Interestingly, I've learned about a new distant cousin of mine.

Here's the issue: My grandmother on my mom's side passed away years ago, but one of her cousins is still alive. Even though her cousin is now in her 80's, I still keep in touch with this woman. We sometimes see each other at family functions, and we send each other Christmas cards. I am planning to invite this woman to the wedding.

My mom said, "Oh, you have to invite Jesse-Louise's daughter, Nancy."

Ummm. I don't know at all who this Nancy is.

But, now that I do, does it seem 'rude' that Jesse-Louise (my grandma's cousin) would get an invite, and her own daughter (who is still a blood relative) would not get an invite?

I'm trying to think practically about invites. Nancy must be a distant cousin, related by blood ... whom I've never met my entire life.

Undecided

Re: Not all Relatives on Guest List?

  • No, I don't think it would be weird at all.  I think you are right that any family who you correspond with, and generally people who you send Christmas cards to, should be considered as potential wedding guests -- so your Grandmother's cousin makes complete sense to me.  But her daughter who you've never met?   Not so much.

    If I invited everyone who was related to one of my close relatives, or fiance's close relatives....we'd be screwed.
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  • I'd find it to be very odd to invite people that you never met (or at least haven't remembered meeting) to the wedding.

  • Thanks, everyone!

    The conversation with my mom turned into that she thinks all blood relatives should be invited. She said I should take a former co-worker of mine off the list. I said, "Nope - I worked with him for seven years!" (And I have no clue who this new Nancy cousin even is! Cool)

    Thanks again!
  • Definitely not rude. Blood may be thicker than water, but it does not require a wedding invitation.
  • Although, I might consider inviting her if the older cousin needs help traveling to the wedding, especially if she has a long drive or flight, needs someone to drive her, etc. 
  • I agree with poster above that it might be a good idea to invite her just to help out your older cousin if need be.  However, I have two other points you might take into consideration.  

    First, when considering whether to invite all family members think about whether they will come.  My thought is that if you have never met this woman she probably won't come unless she is coming to assist your older cousin (her mother).  In that case, you could invite all the relatives your mother wants you to invite and keep your friends and coworkers on the list because you know that the distant relatives probably won't be able or willing to travel to the wedding. 

    Second, I think once a person's children are adults it is perfectly acceptable to think of them as separate individuals and not invite them to things just because your parents are invited.  I don't expect to be invited to everything my parents are invited to.  
  • The only family at our wedding will be our immediate family (and their kids/SO).  When I fly home to visit I always see my aunt and my grandma.  However, THEY are not even invited to the wedding. 
  • If you and your fiance have made a decision to invite all blood relatives, then invite Nancy. If the two of you already decided not to invite all relatives, then skip sending the invitation to Nancy.

    H and I left plenty of relatives (including first cousins, a nephew and a niece) off the list.  We only invited family and friends with whom we currently have very close relationships.  That left a lot of folks we don't know very well off the list and gave us a wonderfully fun and intimate wedding and reception.

    So, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.  Just stick with the decision you and your fiance have already chosen.  Good luck!
  • Don't invite people you can't afford on the grounds that they "probably won't come."  Some people seem to view weddings as ready-made family renunions, whether or not they know the couple.

    If you can draw a clear line between the ones you have invited and the ones you haven't, you should be fine.  Both FI and I are leaving off family members that we've never met, and I'm leaving of several that I have met, but haven't seen in years and was never close to.
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  • I remember reading something along the lines of if you have never met them or have not seen them within the past five years then you shouldn't worry about having to invite them to the wedding.

    why use an invitation and pay money for someone you have never met?
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