Newbie

furbabymama

Hi! I just got engaged on Christmas. I can't believe I'm engaged it's so exciting. I haven't picked a wedding date yet and need some help. My fiance loves the winter but I love the summer. I want an outdoor summer wedding but he is insisting that we have a cozy winter wedding. I'm just so stressed out about this already. I mean everything seems to be going wrong.

Not only does he want a winter wedding but he already chose his bridal party without consulting me. I mean I wasn't expecting to choose them for him but couldn't we have discussed numbers first!? Ugh I just never imagined having so much be so bad.

Someone please talk me down. I know I shouldn't be feeling so bad about these things and I'm getting all worked up over nothing. I guess I just need someone else to tell me. HELP

J&K10910

Wedding planning is going to be very difficult for you.  I suggest you make room in your budget for a wedding planner.

FutureMrsFezz

You're getting worked up over nothing.  Compromise on a date.  Your sides don't have to be even.  Calm down, it's really not that serious.

StephBeanWed61502

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:78ca5331-c730-4432-ba1d-8e38e26c1946">Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I just got engaged on Christmas. I can't believe I'm engaged it's so exciting. I haven't picked a wedding date yet and need some help. My fiance loves the winter but I love the summer. I want an outdoor summer wedding but he is insisting that we have a cozy winter wedding. I'm just so stressed out about this already. I mean everything seems to be going wrong. <strong>Not only does he want a winter wedding but he already chose his bridal party without consulting me. I mean I wasn't expecting to choose them for him but couldn't we have discussed numbers first!?</strong> Ugh I just never imagined having so much be so bad. Someone please talk me down. I know I shouldn't be feeling so bad about these things and I'm getting all worked up over nothing. I guess I just need someone else to tell me. HELP
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

Okay, I have nothing to offer to help you on the season issue - you want completely opposite things.

As for the bolded part, he really doesn't need to discuss his groomsmen at all with you - the groom's party is supposed to be <em>his</em> nearest and dearest, you don't get a say in who he selects (just like he doesn't get a say in who you select, since you're supposed to be picking your closest friends to stand with you).  And as for numbers, there's absolutely nothing wrong with having an uneven bridal party - you pick your friends, he picks his, they show up and stand next to you at the wedding.  Done.

WildRumpus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:78ca5331-c730-4432-ba1d-8e38e26c1946">Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi! I just got engaged on Christmas. I can't believe I'm engaged it's so exciting. I haven't picked a wedding date yet and need some help. My fiance loves the winter but I love the summer. I want an outdoor summer wedding but he is insisting that we have a cozy winter wedding. I'm just so stressed out about this already. I mean everything seems to be going wrong. Not only does he want a winter wedding but he already chose his bridal party without consulting me. I mean I wasn't expecting to choose them for him but couldn't we have discussed numbers first!? Ugh I just never imagined having so much be so bad. Someone please talk me down. I know I shouldn't be feeling so bad about these things and I'm getting all worked up over nothing. I guess I just need someone else to tell me. HELP
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

First of all, congratulations on your engagement! How quickly are you and your FI planning on getting married? Have the two of you sat down to discuss what each of you want and why? Compromise is going to be a huge part of planning.

Next, as you said, you don't get to pick his side. Period. Yes, it would have been nice to have talked about the numbers, but what's done is done. I would suggest waiting to choose your side until you've made more definite decisions regarding the date, etc. Things change. I'm speaking from experience-I had 2 girls that I really wished that I had waited to ask; if I had waited, they wouldn't have been involved. Also, his choices don't have to affect yours-it's perfectly fine to have uneven sides. Relax, and happy planning.

ArynBaker

Depending on where you live, a fall wedding could be a good compromise. In NC it's still warm enough to have an outdoor wedding during September and October but there are cozy aspects you could add like hot chocolate or seasonal pies as food options and quilts as decor. 

furbabymama

"How many people did he pick? And did he actually ask them yet?"

He asked 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow we're going to look like a circus. AAAAND he asked them BEFORE we got engaged. How inconsiderate right?

"Your sides don't have to be even."
I prefer them to be even. I don't have 9 friends!

furbabymama

"Depending on where you live, a fall wedding could be a good compromise. In NC it's still warm enough to have an outdoor wedding during September and October but there are cozy aspects you could add like hot chocolate or seasonal pies as food options and quilts as decor. "

But this isn't what I want. I want to have a fair theme. What happened to guys not caring about the wedding stuff? My dad just showed up, he didn't have a say in anything.

WildRumpus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:340914d2-9220-4fb8-9d5e-76dcf95a5a35">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]"How many people did he pick? And did he actually ask them yet?" He asked 9!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy cow we're going to look like a circus. AAAAND he asked them BEFORE we got engaged. How inconsiderate right? "Your sides don't have to be even." I prefer them to be even. I don't have 9 friends!
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

OMG!!!!111!!! Seriously, it'll be ok. He can't kick people out. Looks like your options are to make more friends, or have uneven sides. It'll be ok. Promise.

WildRumpus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:057a3b56-3726-4b14-b32f-e92c1260ced4">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]"Depending on where you live, a fall wedding could be a good compromise. In NC it's still warm enough to have an outdoor wedding during September and October but there are cozy aspects you could add like hot chocolate or seasonal pies as food options and quilts as decor. " But this isn't what I want. I want to have a fair theme. What happened to guys not caring about the wedding stuff? My dad just showed up, he didn't have a say in anything.
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

So you would rather your FI not have any say? That's not really fair. My H had quite a bit of say in our planning, because we were sharing the cost. This is about more than one day-if you can't compromise on this one thing, how are you going to compromise throughout your marriage?

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:b994bb18-555b-45ba-9953-c9b5b90ef1ac">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : So you would rather your FI not have any say? That's not really fair. My H had quite a bit of say in our planning, because we were sharing the cost. This is about more than one day-if you can't compromise on this one thing, how are you going to compromise throughout your marriage?
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

My parents are paying for the wedding so doesn't that give me more say? I've been dreaming about this forever and now it's not going to be anything like what I imagined.

J&K10910

I'm so glad to see you care about what he wants.  I see a happy marrige in your future.

kcscejal

If you can't compromise on the wedding, which in the grand scheme of things really is just a day, there's no way you'll be able to handle the actual marriage.

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:b572e3cc-23a7-4cce-bcd8-fd11a609367b">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]If you can't compromise on the wedding, which in the grand scheme of things really is just a day, there's no way you'll be able to handle the actual marriage.
Posted by kcscejal[/QUOTE]

Wow. I didn't think my relationship would be under scrutiny here. Could we please just stick to the situation at hand and not make assumptions about the validity of our relationship?

WildRumpus

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:30089416-4a7a-4c54-be83-21544c0c6972">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : My parents are paying for the wedding so doesn't that give me more say? I've been dreaming about this forever and now it's not going to be anything like what I imagined.
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]


Seriously? No. Are you planning on sharing finances? What if one of you makes more? Does that person get to make financial decisions? You're setting yourself up for a long hard road OP

PetalPockets2012

I think you should just plan the wedding you want and not tell him about it. Just figure out how to trick him into showing up and you will be good. He asked the GM behind your back so now is your chance to get back at him.

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:2fa2ffa2-14eb-47c9-a6fa-a523c4e12a80">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : Seriously? No. Are you planning on sharing finances? What if one of you makes more? Does that person get to make financial decisions? You're setting yourself up for a long hard road OP
Posted by Jill9288[/QUOTE]

Actually we already decided that since I do make more money than him that I'll be handling the finances. We'll be keeping the money seperate but I'll dictate how it's spent. It'll work great because he sucks at budgeting.

J&K10910

I'm not the slightest bit surprised that you don't have 9 friends.

Rosie109

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:0ef35faf-23c9-4dc4-882c-a7f3d9af77e7">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : Wow. I didn't think my relationship would be under scrutiny here. Could we please just stick to the situation at hand and not make assumptions about the validity of our relationship?
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

<div>I agree</div>

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:691bbdbd-5526-4d3a-9d9f-1806ed1a97df">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : Actually we already decided that since I do make more money than him that I'll be handling the finances. We'll be keeping the money seperate but I'll dictate how it's spent. It'll work great because he sucks at budgeting.
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

What the hell is the point of keeping the money separate if you get to tell him how to spend his money?

You're a crazy person. 

ArynBaker

Carnivals and circus' (is that plural for circus?) practically go hand in hand so I bet 9 groomsman will be perfect. 

kcscejal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:691bbdbd-5526-4d3a-9d9f-1806ed1a97df">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : Actually we already decided that since I do make more money than him that I'll be handling the finances. We'll be keeping the money seperate but I'll dictate how it's spent. It'll work great because he sucks at budgeting.
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]
Yeah, things work awesomely when one person is the dictator.  If only he understood you're supposed to dictate the whole wedding too.  Everything would be perfect!

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:01f6cd62-feed-4533-af6f-be67b89e0dbe">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]I think you should just plan the wedding you want and not tell him about it. Just figure out how to trick him into showing up and you will be good. He asked the GM behind your back so now is your chance to get back at him.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

This thought passed through my mind for a moment lol

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:82ad4c02-e7da-4377-8eef-7dfb266e5c8c">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Newbie : How is it separate if you are dictating how it's spent?
Posted by ILoveMilkDuds[/QUOTE]

So that if we get divorced we don't have to worry about seperating the bank accounts and what not.

WildRumpus

OP, I bet if you just stomp your feet enough, FI will give in. Works for me.

furbabymama

Can we get back to the real issue? I need coping mechanisms to quit worrying about this crap.

PetalPockets2012

Well, we can help you with even sides. Who wants to be in OPs wedding? Problem solved. There are more than 9 of us here so you can have your pick.

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:30b67451-4aa2-4954-89e5-c022c01fc0c1">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]This has to be MUD.  Has to be.  Either that or OP is 12.
Posted by Holly4212011[/QUOTE]

mud? are you saying my issues are dirt? I don't need to tell you my age to confirm the validity of my worries.

J&K10910

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:d2964b30-12ee-40f7-9fe6-cda279d1d8df">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]Can we get back to the real issue? I need coping mechanisms to quit worrying about this crap.
Posted by furbabymama[/QUOTE]

The real issue is that you're an effing crazy person.

annakb8

I'm just glad no one seriously thought furbabymama was a good screen name.

furbabymama

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_newbie?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:4f594ae3-81ae-49a0-8e19-d65654741d0bPost:d35f02ae-a9fb-4354-b02f-86388b1e98a5">Re: Newbie</a>:
[QUOTE]Well, we can help you with even sides. Who wants to be in OPs wedding? Problem solved. There are more than 9 of us here so you can have your pick.
Posted by PetalPockets2012[/QUOTE]

Well I have family that I can pick but I really didn't want to ask my sister or my cousins. I barely get along with them and I feel like I'd be cringing if they were standing next to me at the alter