Wedding Etiquette Forum

Ex-stepmother etiquette

Hi all-

My wedding planning is in its infancy, but I have a nagging concern that I haven't been able to find any advice on.

My father is remarried (fifth time!), and my ex-stepmother (the woman he was married to between my mother and his current wife) was a huge part of my life for the ten years they were married.  I adore this woman and consider her to be a second mother.  Whether or not to invite her is not the question- she and half her family will be invited.  However, should she be honored in the way a stepmother would?  It's particularly tricky because of my father's new bride of six months, who I would also like to have special family treatment, and the fact that she is also remarried to a man I've met maybe twice.  I don't mind them all being under one roof- they're the type of people to put aside differences for the sake of civility on our big day- I'm just not sure how to handle seating during the ceremony and any other traditional family role type things.

Does anyone have any suggestions?

Re: Ex-stepmother etiquette

  • I wouldn't do any special seating or anything for her.  Just invite her with her family and let them come as guests.  You don't have to single out every one that has been important to you in your life.  Just being invited is honor enough.
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  • Your concerns are very sweet, imo.  Like Dani said, I'd skip the special seating and stuff, but perhaps give your stepmom and your dad's new wife each a corsage?
  • atayk21atayk21 member
    100 Comments
    Im in the boat with Dani.
  • I wouldn't do any special seating for her.  If you want to honor her in another way you can always make her a guestbook attendant or something of that nature. Or you could get her a corsage (assuming you are getting one for you mom and other stepmom)
  • I agree with Dani.

    The mother of the bride doesn't really get any "special" honors anyway in a standard wedding. Just refrain from doing all kinds of weird acknowledgements in your program & all that of any of your parent figures...I think they're unnecessary.
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ex-stepmother-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:50f13366-4322-450e-af08-27a1a00cad78Post:40bbc279-1d56-4892-81c8-5885b58c150e">Re: Ex-stepmother etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]I wouldn't do any special seating for her.  If you want to honor her in another way <strong>you can always make her a guestbook attendant</strong> or something of that nature. Or you could get her a corsage (assuming you are getting one for you mom and other stepmom)
    Posted by dazed2confused[/QUOTE]

    Noooooooooo!
  • In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_ex-stepmother-etiquette?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:50f13366-4322-450e-af08-27a1a00cad78Post:40bbc279-1d56-4892-81c8-5885b58c150e">Re: Ex-stepmother etiquette</a>:
    [QUOTE]If you want to honor her in another way you can always make her a guestbook attendant or something of that nature.
    Posted by dazed2confused[/QUOTE]

    No, please don't!  Guestbook attendant or handing out programs is NOT an honor.  It's a job and a goofy one at that, since people are perfectly capable of signing the guest book without direction.  Asking someone to be the guest book attendant is just relegating them to standing around handing a pen to people instead of socializing and enjoying the wedding.
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  • Would she even be comfortable being in the spotlight?  I think she'd probably be just as happy being a "regular" guest.  If you want, you can leave a flower on her plate or get her a corsage or something, but I wouldn't go all-out.  Even the MOB rarely gets time in the spotlight at a wedding.
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  • Thanks for all the input- I want to keep all the formalities and assigned roles/honors/"jobs" to a minimum, so I think just giving her a corsage will do the trick.  I appreciate the help ladies and gems!
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