Babies and children at weddings..

PrincessJware

I need advice. I have said from the beginning of time (well, not really) that I do not want any children at my wedding. My wedding is in the evening at a resort and I do not think it is an appropriate environment for children. Well..I was having dinner with my MOH (who is expecting her first child in March) and another friend who asked my MOH what she was going to do with the baby during the wedding. My MOH announced that she was going to bring the baby to the reception. I spoke up and said well a) it is going to be loud, b) people are going to be drinking, and c) the baby should probably be sleeping. My MOH then informed me that she would sit up in the hotel room with the baby. I am not sure how to handle this situation because she knew my no child policy and I even offered to have a family member watch the baby during the reception. I am also upset because I was there for her on her wedding day and complied with her rules; I think there should be a certain level of reciprocity. How should I handle the situation withouth pissing her off?

laurenclaire1386

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:3df08aa3-c760-4cbe-8981-9fb63071709a">Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice. I have said from the beginning of time (well, not really) that I do not want any children at my wedding. My wedding is in the evening at a resort and I do not think it is an appropriate environment for children. Well..I was having dinner with my MOH (who is expecting her first child in March) and another friend who asked my MOH what she was going to do with the baby during the wedding. My MOH announced that she was going to bring the baby to the reception. I spoke up and said well a) it is going to be loud, b) people are going to be drinking, and c) the baby should probably be sleeping. My MOH then informed me that she would sit up in the hotel room with the baby. I am not sure how to handle this situation because she knew my no child policy and I even offered to have a family member watch the baby during the reception. I am also upset because I was there for her on her wedding day and complied with her rules; I think there should be a certain level of reciprocity. <strong>How should I handle the situation withouth pissing her off?</strong>
Posted by PrincessJware[/QUOTE]
Let her bring her kid.

Meg1979

If she is nursing her baby, she should be able to bring her baby to your wedding.  Whether or not you agree with their appropriateness at your venue, she has the right to be with her baby.  I can understand that you don't want children, but you either have to accept that she will not participate in the reception or you can have the baby there.  I think making your family members care for her baby is the wrong way to go here. 

salt78

How old will this baby be? If I were a mother of a nursing newborn, I wouldn't want to leave my child either. 

I'm assuming that her "rules" didn't involve leaving your newborn baby while you stood up for her wedding. 

danieliza1127

The typical exception to the no child rule is that newborns are allowed.

My MOH had a 3 month old and my other BM had a 2 month old at our evening wedding that had a DJ and open bar.  Both babies were there and slept through the entire thing. 

[Deleted User]

Babies that young are the exception at weddings esp if they are breastfeeding.

Just ask yourself if it is worth upsetting and possibly losing a friend over. Let it go. A baby will not take up any space or bother anyone at the reception.

FutureMrsTR

The baby probably WILL sleep for the reception and you won't even notice him/her.

annakb8

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:3df08aa3-c760-4cbe-8981-9fb63071709a">Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice. I have said from the beginning of time (well, not really) that I do not want any children at my wedding. My wedding is in the evening at a resort and I do not think it is an appropriate environment for children. Well..I was having dinner with my MOH (who is expecting her first child in March) and another friend who asked my MOH what she was going to do with the baby during the wedding. My MOH announced that she was going to bring the baby to the reception. I spoke up and said well<strong> a) it is going to be loud, b) people are going to be drinking, and c) the baby should probably be sleeping</strong>. My MOH then informed me that she would sit up in the hotel room with the baby. I am not sure how to handle this situation because she knew my no child policy and I even offered to have a family member watch the baby during the reception. I am also upset because I was there for her on her wedding day and complied with her rules; I think there should be a certain level of reciprocity. How should I handle the situation withouth pissing her off?
Posted by PrincessJware[/QUOTE]

Do you think a tiny infant will notice or care that people are drinking alcohol?

Also, it is kind of rude of you to tell her when her child should or should not be sleeping. That is kind of her call.

NatandIsaac

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:3df08aa3-c760-4cbe-8981-9fb63071709a">Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]I need advice. I have said from the beginning of time (well, not really) that I do not want any children at my wedding. My wedding is in the evening at a resort and I do not think it is an appropriate environment for children. Well..I was having dinner with my MOH (who is expecting her first child in March) and another friend who asked my MOH what she was going to do with the baby during the wedding. My MOH announced that she was going to bring the baby to the reception. I spoke up and said well <strong>a) it is going to be loud, b) people are going to be drinking, and c) the baby should probably be sleeping</strong>. My MOH then informed me that she would sit up in the hotel room with the baby. I am not sure how to handle this situation because she knew my no child policy and I even offered to have a family member watch the baby during the reception. I am also upset because I was there for her on her wedding day and complied with her rules; I think there should be a certain level of reciprocity. How should I handle the situation withouth pissing her off?
Posted by PrincessJware[/QUOTE]

<div>If I were your MOH, this part would be kind of offensive to me. She has been to a wedding before, so she probably knows that they are loud and involve drinking, but she is the mother, and she can determine what is an appropriate environment for her baby. Also, you have know idea what the child's sleep schedule, if any, will be like by the time you get married. It sounds like you are telling her how to parent, and that's really not your place. I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but it can come off like that.</div>

Beachy730

If your wedding is in July that is only a 4 month old baby.  Many parents might not care if they leave the baby, but there are a lot who do.  Especially if she is breastfeeding.  And I'm assuming the childcare you would set up for her would be someone she didn't know which she probably wouldn't be comfortable with.

As for complying with her rules for the wedding, did you have a 4 month old child that she insisted you leave at home?  Nothing compares to that so that defense is out.

You really only have 2 options here.  Either let her bring the baby and stay all night, or accept that she will probably leave right after dinner, or not go to the reception at all.  And honestly, its not your place to decide what is too loud or too late for someone else's kid.  And WTH does it matter if people are drinking around a 4 month old? 

georgia_bride09

The baby will be three months old? I'd sit in my hotel room with my three month old too. Just let her bring the baby. I'm sure the baby will refrain from getting sloppy drunk and making an embarrassing toast.  

salt78

OMG there is totally going to be a drunk baby at the wedding. Stealing all the thunder.

Beachy730

Can't TK eliminate the possibiliy of anyone including the word princess into their SN?

kcscejal

If you insist the baby can't be there you have to accept that your MOH won't be also.  You can have an infant free wedding, but you cannot force a mother to leave her infant.

FutureMrsTR

But then how would we know who the crazies are, DNB?

Beachy730

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:8d354dc9-1a62-4f55-8f29-a5563edfec27">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]But then how would we know who the crazies are, DNB?
Posted by FutureMrsTR[/QUOTE]

Good point. 

IrishBrideND

I should first say that I am a fan of no children at weddings.

BUt you came off as a tool. Don't tell a mother how she should parent her child. What a toolish thing to do. You told her that it was too loud for her baby and that the baby should be sleeping. Seriously. I'd probably smack you if you said that to me.
You should have just stuck with "i'm really sorry but we are having an adults only wedding. If you bring your infant otherpeople will be very upset because we didn't invite their kids". I personally would never bring my child to a wedding, so I get your point on that.

but, THE HORROR, H and I drink around our child.

The Mel and Todd Show

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:87fe5333-d11e-45a7-96d6-28da66aba839">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]The baby will be three months old? I'd sit in my hotel room with my three month old too. Just let her bring the baby. <strong>I'm sure the baby will refrain from getting sloppy drunk and making an embarrassing toast.  
</strong>Posted by georgia_bride09[/QUOTE]

This is why I always leave my kids home.  They're lousy drunks. 

kcscejal

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:5c31ac80-b643-4eb6-af27-9be7dfdf43e1">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Babies and children at weddings.. : This is why I always leave my kids home.  They're lousy drunks. 
Posted by The Mel and Todd Show[/QUOTE]
I think you're doing it wrong.  They'll never learn if you don't bring them out and show them how it's done.

mkrupar

PPS are right. Did you actually tell her her baby should be sleeping?? That's kind of what 4 month old babies do, but you don't know what their sleep schedule will be like. If you don't allow MOH to bring her baby, she has every right to spend the reception in her hotel room.

cherbein

I'm going to agree with two major points of past posters:

1. Nursing infants are a normally accepted exception to the "no kids" rule.
2. Telling anyone how to parent their baby is out of line.  My guess is that you didn't mean to be offensive, but the way I read it seemed to imply that your MOH doesn't know what she's doing or how to care for her child.

If this person is your MOH, she's probably someone very close to you and it would be a shame to ruin a friendship over something that doesn't need to be a big deal.  I think most moms would understand the difference between having their say 4 year old running around and the needs of a nursing mother with a newborn and not be offended by the baby's presence.

specialk84

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:5e763ec3-d411-4ac1-acf9-3fd70fb541f9">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]OMG there is totally going to be a drunk baby at the wedding. Stealing all the thunder.
Posted by salt78[/QUOTE]

<div>I love this.</div>

jemmini6

I'm having an evening wedding at a resort as well and we will have some children there.  50% of our bridal party is pregnant right now, so we kind of can't exclude their children without excluding them.

My ONLY 'concern' with babies at the wedding is that someone is able to remove them from the ceremony if they get fussy.  However,  I'm not going to say "make sure you remove the brat if he/she starts crying" because I'm don't want to presume that they don't know what's appropriate for a wedding.

Snippylynn

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:4bbc6a0d-0342-4bc6-85e7-472844830d7b">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]PPS are right. Did you actually tell her her baby should be sleeping?? That's kind of what 4 month old babies do, but you don't know what their sleep schedule will be like. If you don't allow MOH to bring her baby, she has every right to spend the reception in her hotel room.
Posted by mkrupar[/QUOTE]

Don't lie.  There will be some action happenin'.

Snippylynn

WTF?! I was totally quoting something else in a completely different thread!! LOL

DanielleZZ

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_babies-children-weddings?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:513a2807-22ca-4ba5-89d7-bf50d2601863Post:c36476bf-cb5c-43b8-ab94-8075ab6848d8">Re: Babies and children at weddings..</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm going to agree with two major points of past posters: 1. Nursing infants are a normally accepted exception to the "no kids" rule. 2. Telling anyone how to parent their baby is out of line.  My guess is that you didn't mean to be offensive, but the way I read it seemed to imply that your MOH doesn't know what she's doing or how to care for her child. If this person is your MOH, she's probably someone very close to you and it would be a shame to ruin a friendship over something that doesn't need to be a big deal.  I think most moms would understand the difference between having their say 4 year old running around and the needs of a nursing mother with a newborn and not be offended by the baby's presence.
Posted by cherbein[/QUOTE]

Ditto this.

ootmother2

I think that my only concern would be the exposure to tons of germs that a very young baby would have.  My cousin's wife brought their 9 day old baby to my nieces wedding and the baby was passed around half the night.

Okay, I'm germaphobic!

Wrkn925

I want drunk babies at my wedding.

What bartender could say no to this?


This will be my flowergirl.

SamiGraceT

Well, the only under 18 group at our wedding are DF's kids and his sister's then newish kid (due in April). 

DF's kids want nothing to do with the "boring" reception as they will have a pair of 17 y/o cousins in their hotel room to do fun girly stuff with and the older girls will have fun because we are paying them...  Plus, a 7 y/o and 6 y/o twins probably will not be up to staying up half the night, and we'd like an adult night.  Then grandma and grandpa will spend the night with the girls, so no worries. 

The infant, that one doesn't count.  I was under the idea that under 6 months was the acceptable to always be with/near Mom age or so.