Assigning who does what

dncegrl0587

Ok my fiance's mother is wanting to help with alot and she says we have left her out alot. How do I assign things to family members who want to help and be nice about it? My future mother in law is very bull headed and gets mad easily if somethings aren't her way. How can I be nice, get my way, and still please everyone involved??

Thanks!

pegasuskat

Ask her WHAT she would be interested in helping with, if its something thats not a big deal to you then let her run with it.  If it is something you have ideas for already then tell her what you have in mind and let her decide if its something she would want to do. If she tries to push things on you that you don't want then do the "bean dipping" and change the subject.

itzMS

We solved this by hiring a wedding/day of coordinator. No DIY tasks=no problems 

Otherwise, I would just kill FMILwith kindness. *insert sugary sweet voice here* "Thank you SOOOOO much for offering, but really, we have everything handled and want you to enjoy the day!!!!"

renegade gaucho

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigning-who-does-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:524d497d-f2e0-411a-9168-002a833c4c07Post:462426dd-e38e-4d3b-9ed9-f69a5739609d">Assigning who does what</a>:
[QUOTE]Ok my fiance's mother is wanting to help with alot and she says we have left her out alot. How do I assign things to family members who want to help and be nice about it? My future mother in law is very bull headed and gets mad easily if somethings aren't her way. How can I be nice, get my way, and still please everyone involved?? Thanks!
Posted by dncegrl0587[/QUOTE]

As PP said, if there's some aspect of the wedding where you wouldn't mind her involvement, just ask her for her input or to take care of it completely.  However, if you anticipate that she will get mad if you don't like her ideas and decide to go with something else, your fiance needs to politely thank her for her enthusiasm and tell her that the two of you would like to plan your wedding together without the involvement of others.  If she's generally an unreasonable person, he needs to start drawing boundaries with her now or your married life is going to be very unpleasant.

Jen4948

Well, is there an area of the wedding where you could use her help or input?  If so, let her know that.

If not, I'd tell her something like, "You're so sweet to be concerned, but we have everything under control.  That said, would you like to [go out to lunch or do something else non-wedding related] and we can talk?"

If that won't go over well, you might just say, "We appreciate your concern and don't mean for you to feel left out; that said, at this point we've got everything covered.  We didn't want anyone to feel like they're in over their heads."

msuprincess04

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_assigning-who-does-what?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:524d497d-f2e0-411a-9168-002a833c4c07Post:75e91d84-6c27-4283-93b9-72306aa4204c">Re: Assigning who does what</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Assigning who does what : As PP said, if there's some aspect of the wedding where you wouldn't mind her involvement, just ask her for her input or to take care of it completely.  Posted by renegade gaucho[/QUOTE]

This is a good idea. Some examples: programs (no one reads them after the ceremony anyway), favors (if you choose to have them), seating cards. I get that these all should at least go with the theme of the wedding, but they are also simple, small, and do not play any big role to overwhelm the rest of your decor.

Kristin789

The groom's side hosts the rehearsal dinner.  Have FI work with her to pick out four restaurants to do tasting visits, then pick one and work out all the contracting details like menu and napkin color, then choose invitations, etc.  That's a huge bunch of tasks, and her hands should be already full with those.