Courthouse wedding/Blowout BBQ?

lizbiz1485

So this whole wedding planning thing is stressing me out big time.  So many little things to plan (and pay for) and I've gone to so many weddings where the bride just looks worn out and worried all day.  Would it be tacky for us to get married in the courthouse (saving money on flowers, officiant, bridesmaids dresses, tux rentals, decorations, etc) and follow it up with a giant barbecue reception immediately after? 

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated.

kikibaby

Not tacky- sounds good to me

danieliza1127

I don't think it would be tacky at all, but you'll still have a big party to plan.  The ceremony is the easiest part, it's the reception that takes a lot of planning and money.  Will your family and friends be okay with not being able to see the ceremony?

ac_in_dc

Most people on this board would say yes it's tacky. I can appreciate what you're trying to accomplish, but many folks that travel to a wedding do it to watch you take your vows, not for the party afterwards.

Why don't you just have a casual service at a state park and follow up with a barbecue, so all your guests can be there?

I also went to a wedding once in a church, followed by a casual bbq. It was a pain in the ass to change clothes in between the wedding and reception. But in the end I didn't mind too much b/c the whole celebration fit with the couple's temperament so well, and the bbq was actually really fun.

EDIT: I just read kiki and dani's response and I guess I was wrong...maybe "most people" don't agree with me...whatever you decide, good luck with your plans!

salt78

That's kind of what we're doing except we're going away to get married and then having a big BBQ when we get back. And let me just tell you, the lack of stress has been WONDERFUL.

pumpkinpumpkin

There's some concerns about getting married in a courthouse with just a few people and then having a lot of people for a reception after. But I wouldn't judge you for it. Just be prepared for some people to be upset for only being invited to the reception.

vallyhoo

My best friend did this and it still ended up costing her a pretty penny. She was also married at her home by a notary so guests were able to be a part of the ceremony. Just something to consider.

Catering costs, chairs, tent, etc. all add up quickly. And then there is the clean-up afterward.

kikibaby

It is a good point that the reception costs are usually much higher than the ceremony costs.  But, if you could do the BBQ in someone's back yard or a public park, and find some cheap catering (like Famous Dave's), it probably would stay in the pretty affordable range. 

Would you still take parents/immediate family to the court house?

danieliza1127

Yeah, CS's idea is a good one (getting married AT the bbq).  Remember that flowers, BM dresses, and tuxes aren't required to get married.  You can have a casual ceremony with no bridal party, just someone to marry you in front of your closest family and friends and then do the bbq right after.  Or you could have the big bbq party and stop about half way through, get married, and then continue partying.  Or if you really HAVE to have a wedding party, you can just let the girls wear any pretty dress that fits the bbq setting and have the guys wear khaki's and a nice shirt.  You don't have to have flowers or special decorations for any of it.

My point is that there are plenty of options if you're looking to cut stress and expenses, you just have to be willing to think outside the box and not be so traditional.

sarah0725

If you go the state park/married at the BBQ route, you can always make your own officiant by having one of your friends ordained online via the Universal Life Church. We're doing that with FI's brother, and it's great. Just check with your state and county laws and make sure that's acceptable where you live.

lizbiz1485

Yeah, we may just stick with the whole traditional wedding with reception.  I don't know.  We aren't getting much help from my parents and my fiancee was laid off in october so money is tight.  It's just so stressful having to think about what is going to please everyone else and how to offend the least amount of people, instead of thinking about what would make my fiancee and me happy.  Call me selfish but I think that's crap.

ring_pop

If money is really that tight, you could also cut back on the size of the wedding and just have an intimate dinner for those few people that come to your courthouse wedding. You don't have to throw a big blowout party at all. People will understand.

danieliza1127

It's just so stressful having to think about what is going to please everyone else and how to offend the least amount of people, instead of thinking about what would make my fiancee and me happy.  Call me selfish but I think that's crap.


Well that is crap.  If you and your FI are paying for it, you should do what you want and can afford.  What about all the suggestions we made here?  There is a lot of middle ground between expensive traditional wedding and JOP/BBQ wedding.  It sounds like you're just a little stressed.  Sit down with your FI and really picture and talk about who you are as a couple and what type of wedding YOU want to have and can afford, and who you would want to invite.  If your parents (yours and his) aren't really helping, they don't get much say in what you guys do anyway.

sucrets4

Honestly, planning the party is the most stressful part.  If you do a big backyard bbq, you will have to rent tables and chairs and most like port-a-potties.  That seems a lot more stress to me than renting a hall and have them take care of it.

By the end of my wedding, yes, I was exhausted, but it was the best day of my life (so far) since all the people I truly loved were partying with us in one place.  I don't regret that at all...however, I do wish I didn't have to stay up late doing laundry the night before.

sarah0725

I don't think anyone is saying you need to be traditional, whatever that is. We're just saying that there are options that fall on a continuum between having a big church wedding and getting married at the courthouse. For instance, doing the blowout barbecue that you want, but at some point during the barbecue having your cousin Steve pronounce you married. It's not an issue of traditional or untraditional, but that most of your guests at the barbecue would probably like to see the actual ceremony.

If I were invited to a barbecue wedding in a park, and the couple got married there under the trees and then we ate yummy food, I certainly would not be offended. It would be lovely.

lizbiz1485

Thanks for all the advice everyone.  I think I am just really stressed out right now.  All of your ideas sound great and I will definitely take them into consideration.

kikibaby

Check out the Budget Brides board as well for some ideas.

eastunder1

I totally disagree that "many people on this board would call that tacky."  How is that tacky?  If she was trying to pass her BBQ shindig off as semi formal or charge at the door, THAT would be tacky.  But having a courthouse marriage and then a big casual dinner?  What IS "tacky" about that?

I think its a fine I idea.  But like Dani said, there is still a LOT of planning and details that will go into this.  It will probably cut down on some issues but you're not toally out of the woods.