Friend with Benefits

rachelm13

Ok, I know this was just posted about, but, again, I have a strange and unique twist to these seemingly standard questions/situations...

My dad (not close, habitual cheater, remarried twice, divorced currently, I wasn't invited to the weddings, again fine) told me this week he has a, and yes, I am quoting verbatim, "friend with benefits" she has been in his life for a year-ish.  They do not co-habitate, he has "no intention of marrying this one", but doesn't want "to come to the wedding without a date if YOUR mother is bringing a date".

Some details for consideration:  my parents are not paying for the wedding.  FI and I are paying SOLO.  Mom is not bringing a date, even though she is dating someone, she doesn't feel it's appropriate.  My parents have been divorced for 13 years.  They haven't been in the same room since 2002.  My mother would LOSE HER SHIZ/SANITY if my dad showed up with his FWB unannounced.  She said she is more than capable of being an adult when the time comes.  (The engagement party is this weekend, and my dad said he isn't bringing her because she is busy, so I guess I will find out soon enough.)  I also have clearly never met this woman...

Since she is not an SO (by my dad's own admission) and only would be brought if my mom was bringing someone, do I **HAVE** to invite? 

Obviously, should the FWB turn into SO/GF status I will have to revisit and most likely have a convo with my mom...

(sigh)  Why can't my wedding issues be NORMAL?!

OliveOilsMom

If it's been going on a year and she attends important functions with him, I wouldn't consider it FWB any longer.  I wonder if the woman considers your dad to be her SO, but your dad sees the relationship differently. 

If you mom said she would not attend with her BF, then I think you are fine to leave off your dad's FWB.  You parents have kinda made this an easy decision.  Mom won't attend with a SO and your dad only will, if you mom does.

lyndausvi

I don't think you *have* to invite her.  But  I always find it's always nice to extend the offer.

I'm curious when she thinks it's inappropriate for her to bring her own boyfriend?  I find that strange.    

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-with-benefits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:525fab7d-9dd5-4584-b9c8-e8a94ad1afe3Post:edfbe46e-38de-4441-82cd-238bd56bbe82">Re: Friend with Benefits</a>:
[QUOTE]I don't think you *have* to invite her.  But  I always find it's always nice to extend the offer. I'm curious when she thinks it's inappropriate for her to bring her own boyfriend?  I find that strange.    
Posted by lyndausvi[/QUOTE]

For a few reasons, mostly logical, 1) they have only been "exclusive" since July so she doesn't know where it's going, 2) she lives in Cali so it would be the first time her side of the family would be meeting him as well so she doesn't want to detract from my day, and 3) because she doesn't want him to meet my dad.

My parents are very young at heart, they text, skype/facetime, (obviously not each other), have labels on relationships, all weird and good at the same time I suppose.

Different strokes I guess...

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-with-benefits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:525fab7d-9dd5-4584-b9c8-e8a94ad1afe3Post:b7343405-8aba-431a-a28e-1457f9b05b26">Re: Friend with Benefits</a>:
[QUOTE]If it's been going on a year and she attends important functions with him, I wouldn't consider it FWB any longer.  <strong>I wonder if the woman considers your dad to be her SO, but your dad sees the relationship differently.</strong>  If you mom said she would not attend with her BF, then I think you are fine to leave off your dad's FWB.  You parents have kinda made this an easy decision.  Mom won't attend with a SO and your dad only will, if you mom does.
Posted by OliveOilsMom[/QUOTE]

Without confirmation from my dad, I am sure it's this 100%.  I have no idea if she attends "important functions" with him, as this is the first time I am learning of her.  I suspect knowing my dad, that she only attends things where there will be only couples and/or functions he has no chance in picking up someone else.  I am not being snarky, just stating his predictable behavior...

DramaGeek

If she attends functions with him it's totally a BF/GF relationship but he doesn't want to call it that, I assume because there's the societal expectation that it could move to being engaged and then married.  If she's seriously just a booty call then I see no reason for her to be invited.

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-with-benefits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:525fab7d-9dd5-4584-b9c8-e8a94ad1afe3Post:c5f2d8af-85ce-4896-8157-5e8e732f2d6a">Re: Friend with Benefits</a>:
[QUOTE]I disagree that if she attends social functions with him that automatically makes them a social unit.  If HE doesn't consider them a true couple, then there is no reason for his family to.  That being said, I personally believe that single WP members and parents should be given the option of a date regardless, so I would still invite him with a plus one. <strong>Also, just as a general note, your dad being a cheater doesn't change the rules of etiquette on your part.  I keep seeing people posting this as a "disclaimer" lately but it's really usually irrelevent.  
</strong>Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

Fair enough.  I think I just got used to seeing it posted... I think I also used it because in theory, he could have more than one "egg" in the basket so to speak? 

rachelm13

Thank you everyone for your input so far! 

afeliz79

Your dad is doing FWB wrong.

TurtlesAllTheWayDown

Honestly, I would invite both of your parents to bring someone and convey to your mother that your father might be bringing someone. After that, it's not your problem anymore. She'll have been warned.

Who knows, this might be over soon if it's not a "real" relationship.

rachelm13

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-with-benefits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:525fab7d-9dd5-4584-b9c8-e8a94ad1afe3Post:c4b9c859-6785-4f51-89c9-e4a432d926c8">Re: Friend with Benefits</a>:
[QUOTE]Your dad is doing FWB wrong.
Posted by afeliz79[/QUOTE]

I have never met her... Regardless, it's on him.  He's an adult who makes his own decisions (good/bad). 

peekaboo2011

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_friend-with-benefits?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:525fab7d-9dd5-4584-b9c8-e8a94ad1afe3Post:4ed8184c-c807-4cf4-a9de-e3d4da6d13b0">Re: Friend with Benefits</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: Friend with Benefits : I have never met her... Regardless, it's on him.  He's an adult who makes his own decisions (good/bad). 
Posted by rachelm13[/QUOTE]

<div>It is refreshing to see someone handling this well.</div>

Cole&Kailee

In Response to Friend with Benefits:

Haha my kooky aunt came to my wedding with a BLIND DATE that she met online. First time meeting and HE BROUGHT WEED and they were high and drunk...she was also in pictures with him---a man 20 years older. CREEEPY?