When you assume...

roffewoods

So my Sunday night has taken an interesting turn re: guest list.  We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married due to our large families and room constraints. 

My mom's entire family lives out-of-state, and she called her sister to talk about to her about my wedding details.  They got on the discussion of cousin's girlfriend making the road trip with mom's sister and family to my state for the wedding.  My mom mentioned we unforutnately could not invite her due to said reasons above.  My aunt said this would be a problem and I was given an ultimatium.  Invite my couin's girlfriend to the wedding or he will not come to the wedding and neither will my aunt and uncle.  However, they would still be making the trip up to my town regardless to visit.  And my aunt mentioned that the girlfriend could take her other son's seat since he wasn't coming to the wedding. 

My issue is not the number because it does not change the overall guest count.  My frustration is they assumed she was invited (invitations go out next month and did not include guest on his STD), made plans, and gave me an ultimatium about inviting her, which will cause a hugh issue in the family if I don't cave ("Why isn't Aunt Bea at the reception, we know she is in town?!").  My fiance is so frustrated he doesn't even want her to read at our wedding (which I know I can't retract, and I don't like playing tit for tat).

Advice? Support?  Been there, feel your pain?  Ugh.  I thought I was past the drama part. 

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:56a413b7-1249-4165-ba79-0ece2afd7730">When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Sunday night has taken an interesting turn re: guest list.  We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married due to our large families and room constraints.  My mom's entire family lives out-of-state, and she called her sister to talk about to her about my wedding details.  They got on the discussion of cousin's girlfriend making the road trip with mom's sister and family to my state for the wedding.  My mom mentioned we unforutnately could not invite her due to said reasons above.  My aunt said this would be a problem and I was given an ultimatium.  Invite my couin's girlfriend to the wedding or he will not come to the wedding and neither will my aunt and uncle.  However, they would still be making the trip up to my town regardless to visit.  And my aunt mentioned that the girlfriend could take her other son's seat since he wasn't coming to the wedding.  My issue is not the number because it does not change the overall guest count.  My frustration is they assumed she was invited (invitations go out next month and did not include guest on his STD), made plans, and gave me an ultimatium about inviting her, which will cause a hugh issue in the family if I don't cave ("Why isn't Aunt Bea at the reception, we know she is in town?!").  My fiance is so frustrated he doesn't even want her to read at our wedding (which I know I can't retract, and I don't like playing tit for tat). Advice? Support?  Been there, feel your pain?  Ugh.  I thought I was past the drama part. 
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>How old is the cousin?  If he was old enough to get his own invite, he was old enough for his GF to be invited. I would accomdate her because this is really your faux-pas here.I would call up aunt (or cousin) and apologize for the confusion and tell them that the GF can come.</div><div>
</div><div>Now if the cousin is under 18, you don't necessarily have to invite the GF, but I would probably still do it.  Obviously your aunt and cousin think this girl is a pretty important part of their family that they would willingly miss your wedding. You could always not invite her (if this is the case and not the above), but as you said it would cause a huge rift in your family and you will have to figure out whether this is the hill you want to die on.

</div>

ezequalsmc

I'm mostly a lurker, but I've lurked long enough to know what you're about to hear...and I don't think you're going to like it.

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:56a413b7-1249-4165-ba79-0ece2afd7730">When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Sunday night has taken an interesting turn re: guest list.  <strong>We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married</strong> due to our large families and room constraints.  My mom's entire family lives out-of-state, and she called her sister to talk about to her about my wedding details.  They got on the discussion of cousin's girlfriend making the road trip with mom's sister and family to my state for the wedding.  My mom mentioned we unforutnately could not invite her due to said reasons above.  My aunt said this would be a problem and I was given an ultimatium.  Invite my couin's girlfriend to the wedding or he will not come to the wedding and neither will my aunt and uncle.  However, they would still be making the trip up to my town regardless to visit.  And my aunt mentioned that the girlfriend could take her other son's seat since he wasn't coming to the wedding.  My issue is not the number because it does not change the overall guest count.  <strong>My frustration is they assumed she was invited</strong> (invitations go out next month and did not include guest on his STD), made plans, and gave me an ultimatium about inviting her, which will cause a hugh issue in the family if I don't cave ("Why isn't Aunt Bea at the reception, we know she is in town?!").  My fiance is so frustrated he doesn't even want her to read at our wedding (which I know I can't retract, and I don't like playing tit for tat). Advice? Support?  Been there, feel your pain?  Ugh.  I thought I was past the drama part. 
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>1st bold: You shouldn't judge the seriousness of someone's relationship. It is not okay to split up social units. Why should your cousin be apart from his SO on the day you are celebrating your union with your SO?</div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">2nd bold: Of course they assumed she would be invited, it's the right and polite thing to do.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">You are the one in the wrong here and you should be rectifying the situation with all of the couples you split up or be prepared for the fallout. This is a mess of your own making.</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">
</span></div><div><span style="font-size:11px;line-height:14px;">ETA: I see what rsanna is saying, if the cousin is under 18 I understand why she wasn't invited. That said, I still think it's rude to split up social units and if you've done this to anyone else you still need to fix it.</span></div><div>
</div>

AJuliaNJ

They are assuming she is invited because they feel like you are a caring, polite person, and that there is no way you would not invite significant others. You should not invite anyone without their significant other. It doesn't matter if they are married or not. I can see not giving a random +1 so someone could bring their same sex (non-romantic) friend or a bar hookup, but if they are a couple, she should be invited.

SJM7538

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:56a413b7-1249-4165-ba79-0ece2afd7730">When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Sunday night has taken an interesting turn re: guest list.  We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married due to our large families and room constraints.  My mom's entire family lives out-of-state, and she called her sister to talk about to her about my wedding details.  They got on the discussion of cousin's girlfriend making the road trip with mom's sister and family to my state for the wedding.  My mom mentioned we unforutnately could not invite her due to said reasons above.  My aunt said this would be a problem and I was given an ultimatium.  Invite my couin's girlfriend to the wedding or he will not come to the wedding and neither will my aunt and uncle.  However, they would still be making the trip up to my town regardless to visit.  And my aunt mentioned that the girlfriend could take her other son's seat since he wasn't coming to the wedding.  My issue is not the number because it does not change the overall guest count.  My frustration is they assumed she was invited (invitations go out next month and did not include guest on his STD), made plans, and gave me an ultimatium about inviting her, which will cause a hugh issue in the family if I don't cave ("Why isn't Aunt Bea at the reception, we know she is in town?!").  My fiance is so frustrated he doesn't even want her to read at our wedding (which I know I can't retract, and I don't like playing tit for tat). Advice? Support?  Been there, feel your pain?  Ugh.  I thought I was past the drama part. 
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]

You need to invite SOs whether they are married, engaged or dating. Just because someone doesn't have a ring on their finger doesn't mean their relationship status is any less serious than someone elses. And its not up to you to make that decision. And its rude and hurtful not to a If I got invited to acknowledge someones SO. I I was invited to a wedding and my fiancé was not invited I would not be attending either. We are a couple and we attend events as a couple.

Knottie_22382049

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:56a413b7-1249-4165-ba79-0ece2afd7730">When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE].  We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married due to our large families and room constraints.  
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]

<div>I am sorry and I know this is not the advice you are wanting to hear but ALL SO's need to be invited. You can not cap off at engaged and married. If the people consider themselves in a relationshi they are now a unit and get invited together. </div><div>
</div><div>If your cousin is under 18 he is a unit with his family and the GF does not get an invite. If he is over 18 he is a unit with the GF and she does get an invite. </div>

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:3e5d28e3-7c88-4b81-a25a-b2df19ef97d9">Re:When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]I'm mostly a lurker, but I've lurked long enough to know what you're about to hear...and I don't think you're going to like it.
Posted by ezequalsmc[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>This made me LOL :)

</div>

Knottie_22386269

How old is this cousin? Because if he is under 18, usually you're fine not inviting his GF, although it would still be nice to do so. But if he is over 18 than etiquettewise you need to invite his GF.

APDSS22

Your "room constraints" might become a huge problem for you.  It's a choice whether or not to invite children, but you should've invited the girlfriend because a polite person does not break up social units.  It sounds like what you should do is call the cousin.  You need to apologize to them and rectify the situation by extending an invite for the girlfriend.  Unless you want to be a poor hostess and also cause a family feud of course.

Knottie_22382102

I agree with PPs. I'd be offended in this scenario if I were the cousin (over 18) etc....
Cut your guest list down more, make sure you have the people there that you can't live without.

Neicey122

I know your hearing everything under the sun about this one but It's your call.

If they aren't married or engaged you can decide. Go with your gut. To many people tripping over what everybody else will think. Let your Aunt know that if she doesn't want come because of it ....well it doesn't fall on you. That's her decision.

I know I'm going to hear some BS about this but come on. It's your day! Point blank. 

It sounds selfish but considering your being generous & inviting these people to share this day. Why are you bending over backwards? 

SlothGoals

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:931a70fe-5399-4a6e-8b7b-f9ee62179226">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know your hearing everything under the sun about this one but It's your call. If they aren't married or engaged you can decide. Go with your gut. To many people tripping over what everybody else will think. Let your Aunt know that if she doesn't want come because of it ....well it doesn't fall on you. That's her decision. I know I'm going to hear some BS about this but come on. It's your day! Point blank.  It sounds selfish but considering your being generous & inviting these people to share this day. Why are you bending over backwards? 
Posted by Neicey122[/QUOTE]<div>
</div><div>The only thing I have to say to this is that it stops being "Your Day" when you involve other people. The reception is for the guests and their comfort is paramount in this portion of the day.

</div>

Summer2011Bride

Unless the cousin is young (like in HS), his SO absolutely does need to be invited. It does not matter if they are not married or engaged. You are in the wrong here and should invite his girlfriend.

loca4pook

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:56a413b7-1249-4165-ba79-0ece2afd7730">When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]So my Sunday night has taken an interesting turn re: guest list.  We are not inviting children and are not giving a plus one to couples and close friends who are not engaged or married due to our large families and room constraints.  My mom's entire family lives out-of-state, and she called her sister to talk about to her about my wedding details.  They got on the discussion of cousin's girlfriend making the road trip with mom's sister and family to my state for the wedding.  My mom mentioned we unforutnately could not invite her due to said reasons above.  My aunt said this would be a problem and I was given an ultimatium.  Invite my couin's girlfriend to the wedding or he will not come to the wedding and neither will my aunt and uncle.  However, they would still be making the trip up to my town regardless to visit.  And my aunt mentioned that the girlfriend could take her other son's seat since he wasn't coming to the wedding.  My issue is not the number because it does not change the overall guest count.  My frustration is they assumed she was invited (invitations go out next month and did not include guest on his STD), made plans, and gave me an ultimatium about inviting her, which will cause a hugh issue in the family if I don't cave ("Why isn't Aunt Bea at the reception, we know she is in town?!").  My fiance is so frustrated he doesn't even want her to read at our wedding (which I know I can't retract, and I don't like playing tit for tat). Advice? Support?  Been there, feel your pain?  Ugh.  I thought I was past the drama part. 
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]
I

It is RUDE to not invite people with their girl/boy friends...unless they are 18. It is not up to you to decide the "seriousness" of their relationship..

It was your faux pas and you should fix it

freebread03

When you assume it's ok to be rude to your nearest and dearest, you run into problems. OP, what you're proposing is absolutely not ok, and I completely understand why your Aunt is offended. I hope you do the right thing and invite people with their significant others. I also think that Neicey122 should probably refrain from giving advice that goes against etiquette on the etiquette board. Really, this "it's your day" it's ok to treat people like crap is totally ridiculous.

roffewoods

After reading all comments, I wondered if I might have been wrong on all accounts. Perhaps in some respects. When I read etiquette guidelines, it does dictate otherwise. I know this is not the first time discussions like this have been brought up, and won't be the last. So please read. Other etiquette posts stated the same. http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi We had to draw a line somewhere or else the wedding would have been over 400 and not been fiancially feasible. Now do you under my constraints? My fiancé has been invited to a wedding I was not invited, and sure it was laughable, but I did not give the host an ultimatium. We simply did not go to the event.

TKzilla

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:931a70fe-5399-4a6e-8b7b-f9ee62179226">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]I know your hearing everything under the sun about this one but It's your call. If they aren't married or engaged you can decide. Go with your gut. To many people tripping over what everybody else will think. Let your Aunt know that if she doesn't want come because of it ....well it doesn't fall on you. That's her decision. I know I'm going to hear some BS about this but come on. It's your day! Point blank.  It sounds selfish but considering your being generous & inviting these people to share this day. Why are you bending over backwards? 
Posted by Neicey122[/QUOTE]

<div>Too many spelling and grammatical errors to be taken seriously.</div><div>
</div><div>This is a basic etiquette rule. You, as the host of an event, do not split up social units (i.e. boyfriend/girlfriend or fiance/fiancee). If the aunt decides she doesn't want to come because of this, it DOES fall on OP - someone we assume she cares about will not attend her wedding. It isn't OP's day. It isn't even her afternoon. The day is about OP, her FI and their families and friends. If OP wanted it to be HER day, she would not be hosting a ceremony and reception and inviting guests. So yes, it does sound selfish. She isn't sprinkling her guests with glitter and sunshine and gracing them with the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to share in this magical event. It's a freakin' wedding. They happen every day. Be a gracious host. No yoga required.</div>

rsanna

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:b1114e5b-3d5c-49c4-8759-b5242ca4771b">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]After reading all comments, I wondered if I might have been wrong on all accounts. Perhaps in some respects. When I read etiquette guidelines, it does dictate otherwise. I know this is not the first time discussions like this have been brought up, and won't be the last. So please read. Other etiquette posts stated the same. <a href="http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi" rel="nofollow">http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi</a> We had to draw a line somewhere or else the wedding would have been over 400 and not been fiancially feasible. Now do you under my constraints? My fiancé has been invited to a wedding I was not invited, and sure it was laughable, but I did not give the host an ultimatium. We simply did not go to the event.
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]

<div>Well then please enjoy the wonderful rift in your family dynamic that was purely caused by your judgmental decision that this girl isn't worthy of your acknowledgment.  Please let us know how this goes over for you. </div>

Loopyseven

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:b1114e5b-3d5c-49c4-8759-b5242ca4771b">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]After reading all comments, I wondered if I might have been wrong on all accounts. Perhaps in some respects. When I read etiquette guidelines, it does dictate otherwise. I know this is not the first time discussions like this have been brought up, and won't be the last. So please read. Other etiquette posts stated the same. <a href="http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi" rel="nofollow">http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi</a> We had to draw a line somewhere or else the wedding would have been over 400 and not been fiancially feasible. Now do you under my constraints? My fiancé has been invited to a wedding I was not invited, and sure it was laughable, but I did not give the host an ultimatium. We simply did not go to the event.
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]

<div>1 - You don't split up social units.  Period.  If you couldn't afford over 400 people you should have cut others to include the SO's of the people you DID invite in the number of people you could afford to host.  </div><div>2 - The people who didn't invite you - they were going against etiquette, just as you are.  That doesn't make it right.  Kudos to you for refraining from giving an ultimatum.  Not attending is a valid option/choice in that situation, as is your FI attending solo.  Making a stink about it just makes the other people look petty and silly IMO.</div>

roffewoods

Just so you all know, I will be giving an invitation to the girlfriend bc I want my aunt there. My frustration was the ultimatium.. That's all. And no, cutting others was not an option considering we are only inviting family. My mom is one of nine, and the family is no smaller with my fiancé's.

ROBINRENE5

If you wouldn't go to a wedding that your FI was invited to without you, why would you expect your guests to attend yours without their SO?  Only inviting couples who are engaged or married could split up several couples just because they do not have a ring or have chosen to wait to get married.  This really isn't your place to do.  It is rude. 

Regardless of what random article you read that said this is ok, you should re-think your decision.  Think logically.  There are a lot of articles on the internet - that does not mean that all of them are good advice. 

You may have quite a few people decline your invitation since you are not inviting their SO.  And if your guests ask why Aunt Betty isn't at your wedding, you can respond with  "well, Cousin Jack and Jill weren't engaged so she wasn't invited."  You will be the one looking like the jerk - not your missing guests. 

libby2483

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:b1114e5b-3d5c-49c4-8759-b5242ca4771b">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]After reading all comments, I wondered if I might have been wrong on all accounts. Perhaps in some respects. When I read etiquette guidelines, it does dictate otherwise. I know this is not the first time discussions like this have been brought up, and won't be the last. So please read. Other etiquette posts stated the same. <a href="http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi" rel="nofollow">http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/230649/sticky-situations-your-reception-and-guest-list/@center/272440/wedding-etiquette-advi</a> We had to draw a line somewhere or else the wedding would have been over 400 and not been fiancially feasible. Now do you under my constraints? My fiancé has been invited to a wedding I was not invited, and sure it was laughable, but I did not give the host an ultimatium. We simply did not go to the event.
Posted by roffewoods[/QUOTE]

<div>OP, I had the exact same attitude when I first came to these boards.  I distinctly remember arguing with some of the regs and saying, "But this and this and this source say that I only need to invite married or engaged couples." One of the regs said something like, "What are you going to do, pull out that article and shove it in someone's face when they are hurt that their boyfriend or girlfriend isn't invited? Etiquette is about treating your guests with kindness and respect, and it isn't your place to judge how serious someone's relationship is."  I ended up inviting the SOs of all of my guests, and I know that my friends and family really appreciated it.  Your family and friends will, too.</div>

cmacch

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:4b3a5dad-fc5e-4680-a73e-a94d6a0e0c29">Re: When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]In Response to Re: When you assume... : OP, I had the exact same attitude when I first came to these boards.  I distinctly remember arguing with some of the regs and saying, "But this and this and this source say that I only need to invite married or engaged couples." One of the regs said something like, "What are you going to do, pull out that article and shove it in someone's face when they are hurt that their boyfriend or girlfriend isn't invited? Etiquette is about treating your guests with kindness and respect, and it isn't your place to judge how serious someone's relationship is."  I ended up inviting the SOs of all of my guests, and I know that my friends and family really appreciated it.  Your family and friends will, too.
Posted by libby2483[/QUOTE]

<div>I'm going to piggyback on this because before I read this board I also felt this way.  I'll admit that when I first started budgeting, I was continuously asking myself "do I want to spend X to have so-and-so there?"  I was adamant about not inviting "plain old boyfriends and girlfriends."  At the end of the day though, they are not dollar amounts, they're important people in my life and I want each and every one of them to have a good time.  I would not have a good time at a wedding without my SO, so I'm biting the bullet and making budget cuts elsewhere.</div>

Neicey122

FYI the responses you get will be brutal as you saw. I already experienced a brutal verbal attack. It's just not worth asking some times. Just talk to your family who knows the situation Everybody else's opinion really doesn't matter.

ezequalsmc

In Response to Re:When you assume...:[QUOTE]FYI the responses you get will be brutal as you saw. I already experienced a brutal verbal attack. It's just not worth asking some times.

Just talk to your family who knows the situation Everybody else's opinion really doesn't matter. Posted by Neicey122[/QUOTE]

Or, assume that the thoughts shown here are a good representation of what many of your guests will be thinking. As is already the case here, seeing as how you've gotten an ultimatum.

freebread03

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_when-you-assume?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:5288fcc0-129b-43d7-a66e-1a7861c4d1e2Post:85c1b032-0d01-4a79-85eb-9cbbe66c4f0d">Re:When you assume...</a>:
[QUOTE]FYI the responses you get will be brutal as you saw. I already experienced a brutal verbal attack. It's just not worth asking some times. Just talk to your family who knows the situation Everybody else's opinion really doesn't matter.
Posted by Neicey122[/QUOTE]

<div>I think you are way off base in your responses, and find it ironic that you come here and post, but don't care what people have to say.  I'm pretty sure you're referring to my responses to your posts, but let's be honest here, you went to another board and complained that the girls on E just don't get it (you think girls on here are rude? I think going to another board to complain is rude).  In fact, after you clarified that you WERE inviting SOs, I said you were covered.  You're upset that people are assuming this and assuming that--but if you don't give information, people can only base their responses on what they read.  I also don't think that saying what you're proposing is rude or that your "this is my day" attitude is unbecoming is really a "brutal verbal attack."  Not telling you exactly what you want to hear isn't brutal, it's honest.  You seem very sensitive, which doesn't usually meld well with the internet.</div><div>
</div><div>ETA: I also think that giving advice that goes against etiquette on an etiquette board is, well, counterintuitive.</div>

Peledreamsofrain

Nobody owns a day, that's nonsense and selfish like a 4 year old with a toy they don't want to share with anyone. 

You really want the day 100% your way?  Go marry yourself at a JOP.  That way you can just please yourself and only yourself.  Tada, problem solved.

banana468

In Response to Re:When you assume...:[QUOTE]Bwahahahahahahahaha.... ::Must. breathe.::Ahahahahahahahahah.

I'm sorry, I've recovered now. So when did Martha Stewart become an etiquette source? Posted by StageManager14[/QUOTE]

It had to be sometime after she filmed her show out of her house and wouldn't pay the people she hired but before she went to prison for insider trading.

Somewhere in there she accomplished irritating the entire town, color coordinating a craft room and claiming that she was an etiquette expert.

allychase

If it was laughable that you weren't invited to a wedding along with your FI then why do you think it's *not* laughable now in your case to do the same thing to others? It's not all about you and it's just hurtful.

 You should probably read the post I made about how at my bridal shower I had one of my guests raving to me how excited and greatful she was that her boyfriend was invited and she couldn't believe it. It made me feel glad that we are hosting everyone properly. 

People make cuts somewhere in the planning process. Hosting your guests properly is your NUMBER ONE priority. Whatever else is left is optional. 

That cousin had every right to "assume" his GF was invited, because that's what proper etiquette entails. Martha Stewart... well... not quite real etiquette. 

StephJean83

My wedding guest list is at 300 people and that is making sure we include plus ones for all our single guests. My FH was invited to a few weddings last year, most included me. The ones that didn't, he called and verified I was included because we are a social unit. If they had told him I wasn't included, they would be on our maybe list and he would have skipped their wedding.