Budget and the number of people to invite

michellebethune

Help- So my fiance has a huge family and extended family and very few friends. His mother gave me a long list of Sisters, Brothers, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins to invite. I on the other hand have a small family and extended family and will be inviting more firends then family. We dont have a huge budget and (I am already cutting some things out due to budget) and I am worried about the budget and the amount of people to invite. I dont want to upset anyone and many of his family have already said they are excited for the wedding (via facebook) and such. I dont talk about the wedding around people who I know wont be invited, I am just stuck on how to handle this and what to do, any suggestions?

mica178

I guess you and your FI need to sit down and figure out what you want for your wedding.  If you want to invite a ton of people, you'll have to scale back, maybe have a lunch reception or even just cake and punch depending on budget.  Or, if you want a fancy reception, you'll have to make cuts until you match your budget.

There are things you can do to stretch a budget, like get married on a non-Saturday, earlier wedding time to reduce alcohol consumption, DIY.  But all of that depends on your (and your FI's) wedding expectations.  Don't do too much planning or commit to anyone's suggested guest list until the two of you sit down and figure out a budget and a general plan.

MyNameIsNot

Who is paying for this?  That person has ultimate control over the guest list.  

Sit down with your budget and figure out how many people you can afford.  Then figure out how to divide the numbers.  If you and your FI are paying, you have control and you can give each set of parents a number of invitations, and let them give you a list to fit that number.  She can make cuts as necessary.  

[Deleted User]

Who is paying for the wedding?

Calypso1977

if you guys are paying, then you dont even need to get lists from anyone other than your FI.

we made a ton of cuts.  we wanted no more than 100, invited about 115 or so, and 75 came.

we only invited those we were closest to and had regular contact with.  cousins or relatives we hadnt seen or spoken to in years did not make the cut.

we had a few ruffled feathers, but people got over it. 

weddings are not family reunions.  do not feel obligated to invite everyone you are related to or have met/spoken to in your whole life.

golden1215

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_budget-number-of-people-invite?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:528a7b73-de10-481d-8164-c82f6477711bPost:62ed4a65-3960-49ee-be99-70c14e7ed19e">Re: Budget and the number of people to invite</a>:
[QUOTE]if you guys are paying, then you dont even need to get lists from anyone other than your FI. we made a ton of cuts.  we wanted no more than 100, invited about 115 or so, and 75 came. we only invited those we were closest to and had regular contact with.  cousins or relatives we hadnt seen or spoken to in years did not make the cut. we had a few ruffled feathers, but people got over it.  <strong>weddings are not family reunions.</strong>  do not feel obligated to invite everyone you are related to or have met/spoken to in your whole life.
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

this.

we had a 30 person wedding because after all the back and forth, our rule of thumb became: if we couldnt call said person up today, and ask them to coffee/dinner/movie <u>without it being awkward</u>, then we were not close enough with them to have them at our wedding.

I'm not saying this needs to be your rule, just don't let yourself get coerced into a larger wedding than you want- and have to cut back on nicer things you may want like flowers or dress- just because you think everyone needs to be invited.

Summer2011Bride

Yes, who is paying?

It SOUNDS like you guys are, but I might have assumed this incorrectly. If you ARE, then you have final say on the guest list. Just tell your FMIL, "I'm sorry, but inviting this many people is just not in our budget. We are only able to invite _____, and my family accounts for ____ and mutual friends account for ___." If she offers to pay for her guests, then that is up to you if you want to accept her offer and invite more people.

If you don't want to ruffle feathers and appease her, you will obviously need to figure out other cuts to make. It just depends what is important to you: big wedding, less details or smaller wedding, bigger details. Neither is right or wrong; it's personal preference.

charlamander88

This will depend on who is paying. If you and FI are paying, then you don't need to invite her list of sisters. You simply say "This is how many people we can afford, and these are the ammount of people we are inviting"... if there are any spaces left over after you and FI have invited all the people you want at the wedding, then you can ask her if there is anyone she would like to invite, you have X ammount of spaces leftover and would like to offer them to her.

emyinpink

Based on your budget and style of wedding, how many guests can you afford? Who's paying for the wedding?
FI and I are paying for our wedding (he also has a large family). We made the guest list together. As long as she isn't paying for the wedding, I would go through the list she gave you, and choose who from that list is most important to you. Same with your side (friends and family).

palmettogirl924

If FI's mom isn't paying for it, than sorry, she really doesn't get a say. You invite the number of people you can afford to give a good time. If you come up with a large number and have spaces left over, great! Ask her to invite some of her friends, but if she's not paying it then you guys go on with the guest list you want. End of story.

gailpete

The order that it is supposed to be done is:
1.  Determine the reception budget
2.  Determine the guest list of everyone you want to invite (list should have input from anyone contributing to the reception)
3.  divide Number 1 by number 2.  This will tell you how much you can afford to spend per person on the reception  If you can afford steak and lobster with a full open bar for everyone, great.  If you can only afford cake and punch in the church basement, that's great too.  The most important thing is to share the day with those that are nearest and dearest to you, not treat a select few to a fancy dinner and drinks.

jemmini6

I also have a large family and decided my cut line is going to be aunt/uncles.  I'm not inviting any first cousins (cousins alone would be over 50, nearly all of them are adults with their own families, and I wasn't invited to any of their weddings...).  I can only think of a few people that might be a little hurt over this, but there really comes that line where you just have to make the cuts.