Wedding cancelled...bridesmaids want a refund

amyiceskater75

I called off my wedding after dresses where ordered. They were not happy with me. I told them I would like to return their money..when my Grandparents house is sold. My uncle is wanting to buy but as anyone who has purchased a home knows its never a quick process. Two of the three keep texting me asking me about their money..I tell them at this time I just don't know when the house sale will be finalized. Meanwhile I have no means to repay 3 girls $160 each. I had to ask my church to help with my rent since my child support still is in the works. It is upsetting to me that they keep asking me about it...I just don't know what to tell them anymore.

PS I was planning on marrying the kids father...not just anyone but didn't work out for me.

Jennifer&Nate

First of all, I'm so sorry that you're going through this. 

It is very nice of you to commit to repaying the girls for their dresses. Your so-called "friends", however, are jerks for not realizing that you're going through a lot and need their support, not their harrassment, especially since you've already told them your plans to pay them back. I'd stop talking to them if they can't be your friends in the bad times as well as the good. 

spudley

If you're reimbursing them for their dresses, be sure you take possession of those dresses. You can always try selling them to recoup some of the money.

As far as trying to keep the girls at bay, remind them that if the wedding hadn't been cancelled, they would have had to go on with life without the $160.  Hence, they should be able to wait a little longer, considering your circumstances. Obviously, there's nothing you can do until the house sells, so don't lose sleep over this.  Good luck!

Summer2011Bride

How long ago did you call off the wedding? While my first response when a good friend broke off her relationship with her fiance would not be, "So where's my BM dress money at?" if it has been a long time (like 9+ months or a year), I can understand eventually needing to ask for it back. For me, it comes down to time. If we're talking a week ago that you cancelled, yeah, I think they're a little out of line for immediately asking for money back. But if it's been a long time, I, too, would probably bring up the money (though not incessantly).

amyiceskater75

Called it off August 1, 2012

ootmother2

I'm very sure that you will get their money back to them.  They will have to just chill a bit

Have ONE of them considered how you may be feeling right now?  It can't be easy.

Good luck to you

ThankfulSnail

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think PP's suggestion to sell the dresses to recoup some of the money is very wise, maybe if you were able to get them some of the money back, it would stop the badgering for a while so you can get the rest back to them.

I also agree with OOT that they are not considering your feelings and need to chill. I wish you the best.

NOLAbridealmost

You're making a classy move offering to reimburse. 

They are being HO-BAGS for harassing you about it though. 

TaraKeeley

Wow- I'm sorry for this sucky situation. It was definitely classy and generous of you to offer to reimburse them. Honestly, if I were a bridesmaid I wouldn't even accept your offer (though I can see how some would), much less be tracking you down for the money while you're mourning your relationship and trying to sell a house. I think explaining that you'll have the money to them as soon as you have it yourself, but that real estate transactions take time. If they can't accept that, they suck. Sorry :-/

itzMS

So sorry. This really sucks. It doesn't seem like your "friends" will change their (rude) minds about the refund. As soon as you are able, pick up the dresses and drop off the money.
If the dresses are Davids Bridal, you should be able to get $25-$50 apiece on Ebay if you sell them individually. If they are not DB dresses, you may do better if you sell to your local consignment shop. This is certainly no consolation, but it's better than nothing.

Girlie1030

Your friends are being complete jerks.  The last thing I would be worried about is a freaking dress if my dear friend just called off her wedding. 

Just tell them you will get the money to them when you can and that's the end of story.  If they continue to harass you, then honestly I'd take a long hard look at whether or not you really want these people in your life. 

s-aries8990

They are being terrible friends asking you for money after such a horrible situation. Did you give them the option to sell it on their own?? I think you may want to tell them that you'll pay them when you can, but tell them they can sell it if they'd prefer, but then you won't owe them anything.

Jen4948

I'm very sorry that your wedding was cancelled and that these so-called friends are giving you such a hard time when you're not in a position to immediately reimburse them.

I'd let them know, "I will be happy to reimburse you when I actually have the funds to do so.  At present, that is not the case.  Surely you don't want me to give you checks that bounce?  If not, then I need you to understand that I am coping with X, Y, and Z at the moment and can't handle additional demands from you for money I don't have.  Please consider the subject closed until further notice."  But be sure to give them the further notice as soon as you can.

Calypso1977

while i agree with the others that your friends should be more respectful of you during this difficult time, i do find it somewhat odd that if you are presumably close to your intended wedding date that you dont have $500?  i mean, you must have had money set aside to pay for the actual wedding, right?  so if that didnt happen, you coudl pay them from that?  perhaps they are assuming hte same thing so tehy cant understand why you cant pay them now?

Girlie1030

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_wedding-cancelledbridesmaids-want-a-refund?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding BoardsForum:9Discussion:528bc32f-07bf-49f7-a265-c417f45db568Post:7eb967a5-53a9-4a8f-bc60-9045a5e80d70">Re: Wedding cancelled...bridesmaids want a refund</a>:
[QUOTE]while i agree with the others that your friends should be more respectful of you during this difficult time, i do find it somewhat odd that if you are presumably close to your intended wedding date that you dont have $500?  i mean, you must have had money set aside to pay for the actual wedding, right?  so if that didnt happen, you coudl pay them from that?  perhaps they are assuming hte same thing so tehy cant understand why you cant pay them now?
Posted by Calypso1977[/QUOTE]

When my first wedding was called off, the money I would have spent on the wedding was suddenly going to deposits on an apartment, moving expenses, and a new budget based solely on my income instead of 2 incomes.  So, if OP was living with her ex-fiance, plus she has kids, she could very well be looking at similar issues. 

Cortney1982

I could only imagine them harrassing you about getting their money back if your known to go back on your word or not pay somebody back.  If that's not the case they need to chill.  You told them the money was coming.  I don't see why they are in a huff over it.  Even if you did get married, they would still be out of their money.

mysi019

Um why did you even offer to pay these girls for their dresses? Its there responsiblilty to pay whether the wedding goes through or not. If they werent comfortable with that then she shouldnt have agreed to be in your wedding. I am sure like most bridesmaids dresses they probably would be never been worn again anyways so they still would have been out $160. The only thing I would be upset about if I were these girls is if you knew it wasnt right long before calling it off and you could have saved them the $160. But thats just me