Asking fiancee's sister to be my bridesmaid?

clloyd0302

Hi all, I would appreciate any thoughts on this dilemma!

My fiancee has asked an old friend to be his best man, but he is also extremely close with his younger sister.  I know he is too traditional to have her as a "grooms maid", so I thought I would ask her to be a bridesmaid along with my two sisters, so she could be included in the wedding.  However, when I told him of my plan, expecting him to be touched and pleased, he just said "meh, whatever."

I would love her to be part of the wedding but feel like it's really my fiancee's choice to include her.   What to do?

Thanks!

s-aries8990

It's your bridal party and his bridal party. If he includes her on his party, that is his choice. If you want to have her in YOUR party it's YOUR choice, not his. If you really want her there, include her, if you're "meh" about it, don't feel obligated.

If you would like to make her feel special and not have her in the party, ask her to give a reading.

stantokm

My FH had a similar reaction when I suggested that I ask his sister to be a BM and he ask my brother to be a GM.  When I explained that I wanted to do it because she would be my sister and my brother would be his brother (kinda), he was surprised because he hadn't thought of it that way and then he was completely on board (we already get along with each others' siblings).

But I agree with PP that it's completely up to you guys as individuals to choose who are on your own sides.

lyndausvi

I think it's a nice idea.   I had my own 2 SILs in my wedding even though I didn't know them at all (actually I met them the day they were asked).  It's pretty traditional to have siblings in the weddings in both our circles, so if felt natural for me to ask them.

Since I didn't know my SILs had very low expectations of them other than getting a dress.  That is pretty much all the did.  NBD.    I never regretted my decisionin having them in the wedding. If anything it brought us closer.


Now, if they were drama queens I might have had a different opinion.

Simply Fated

In Response to <a href="http://forums.theknot.com/Sites/theknot/Pages/Main.aspx/wedding-boards_etiquette_asking-fiancees-sister-to-be-my-bridesmaid?plckFindPostKey=Cat:Wedding%20BoardsForum:9Discussion:52f0e253-a2fd-4610-8bf4-82751f4896aePost:c4568cb2-7b9b-4269-9be9-37bcadf070c5">Asking fiancee's sister to be my bridesmaid?</a>:
[QUOTE]Hi all, I would appreciate any thoughts on this dilemma! My fiancee has asked an old friend to be his best man, but he is also extremely close with his younger sister.  I know he is too traditional to have her as a "grooms maid", so I thought I would ask her to be a bridesmaid along with my two sisters, so she could be included in the wedding.  However, when I told him of my plan, expecting him to be touched and pleased, he just said "meh, whatever." I would love her to be part of the wedding but feel like it's really my fiancee's choice to include her.   What to do? Thanks!
Posted by clloyd0302[/QUOTE]
If you feel like it's your fiance's choice and he's "meh, whatever" about it, I'd follow his lead. If he wants to include her, he probably would have brought it up himself.
If you want to have her be in your bridal party, then go for it, but you aren't obligated. Ask her because you want to, not out of obligation. If it is out of just obligation, then she might sense that.

melb2013

I know that this isn't a "rule" or anything, but I feel that wedding parties should include siblings because siblings have always been in your life and always will be.  Friends come and go, but family is there forever.  I think it would be nice to have his sister in your wedding,  My FI's sister is his "best woman".  However, if your FI doesn't want to have her in the WP, then go with him.

shannyb41

I would include her.  I'm including my fiances sister. 
He only has one sister...I wouldn't feel right NOT including her.  Plus my brother and sister are both in the wedding party.  It just makes sense.

I think if they are very close it was really nice of you to want to include her.  I'm sure she will really appreicate it.

Carrie81677

If you want to have her standing by your side, then you should ask her.  That's really the deciding factor.  If you're only doing it out of a sense of duty, and your future husband isn't insistent upon the idea, then it really isn't necessary.  As others have mentioned, you can ask her to do a reading if you'd still like her to be a part of the ceremony.

My husband specifically did not want me to have his sister as a bridesmaid, not because they don't get along or anything, but he viewed the people in the wedding party are those who have been there for him (and me, on my side) through the years in ways that went beyond the happenstance of shared genetic material.  Obviously, everyone has different family relationships, and the important thing is to do what is right for the two of you.

And given the utterly obnoxious nonsense my SIL pulled the day of my shower, I'm so glad I didn't ask her just becuase it would be "nice".

itzMS

Definitely think this one through. Do YOU want FSIL to be a bridesmaid?

I've been in two wedding parties where the FSIL's felt like "obligatory" bridesmaids. One mentioned it out loud to me that she thought she was only in the WP because she was the groom's sister. As for the other, it was noticeable because she showed zero excitement on the wedding day to be standing up on the bride's side...didn't even crack a smile.

In each scenario the bride had 4-5 of her close friends/sisters and then the SIL felt like the odd one out. The brides' intentions were to be inclusive, but it didn't work out so well.

futurefah

It was a very big deal for me to stand up for my only brother (younger) last year at his wedding, and so when we were choosing our WP, I asked my fiance if I could trade him his older (only) sister for my brother.  We are having the two of them walk together.  I know how improtant it is to her, and I know it's made her feel special.  My fiance doesn't really care, but it's sometihing very nice for his sister and I, because I can talk wedding plans to her without her feeling like I'm rubbing it in and we can bond.  It's also great because now that my brother is a groomsman, the guys can do groomsman stuff together and develop a tighter relationship.  win/win.  Good luck with your decision!

OwningAHome1981

I asked my fiance's sister to be in mine- I love her, but even if I didn't, i think it's the right thing to do. My fiance's sister is 16 and I'm in my 30's but like i said, I felt like it was right to ask her... even though she isn't someone I'd go to the mall with or someone who I'd consider my best friend.. she is family, 16 or not.

It's up to the bride to decide her party and the groom to decide his. My fiance had no input in who I chose and I had no input in who he chose.

Jen4948

My SIL asked me to be her bridesmaid, probably to make my brother happy, and I agreed, to make my brother happy.  But my SIL is one of my favorite people now and there is no question that I will ask her to be in my wedding party.  I even have her as my first choice for MOH.

So you never know.

Do you like your FSIL and really want her as your bridesmaid, or would you just be asking her out of a sense of obligation?  If it's the former, I'd go ahead and ask her regardless of your FI's reaction.

loca4pook

I have been to many weddings where the groom and bride had each other's family members on their side. I think it is rather common actually.

I would explain that to your fiance and maybe he would understand that is why you are asking. If you like her, have her..

KellyBrian2013

If your FI is "meh" about it, then it comes down to your relationship with her. I wanted my brother in the wedding, so H asked him to stand as a groomsman. H wanted his sister in the wedding, si u asked her to be a bridesmaid. I also asked H's sister in law to be a bridesmaid... but I get along swimmingly with both of them and knew it wouldn't be awkward or anything to do so. Even if H hadn't said he wanted me to ask his sister, I probably would have.