skip birthday/xmas gifts for wedding funds?

lttlkasa

An idea the fiance brought up...we are planning a summer 2013 wedding, have birthdays in the fall, then of course there is the holiday season. 

He wondered if it was a bad idea to ask his family members to donate to the wedding cause in lieu of buying us birthday/Christmas gifts. He's one of only two "kids" in his extended family, so Christmas always centered around him and his sister when they were young, and that hasn't changed much. 

His intent isn't to pressure or solicit extra money from his relatives, but put the money they'd spend on gifts he might not need into something he knows will be a big expense. Put that way, it sounds reasonable, but he isn't sure how to bring it up (or if he even should). Thoughts?

artbyallie

Don't bring it up. If they ask for gift ideas, mention that you're saving for the wedding. But don't ever ask for money.

DramaGeek

Don't bring it up yourselves, but if people ask what you want for Christmas or your birthday you could say something about not needing anything but mention saving for the wedding.

lyndausvi

Only he knows his parents.   

My parents NEVER give money for xmas.  Never.  If cash was on our 'wish list' we would end up with nothing or worse yet, something they thought we would like or need.  

Other parents are okay with such a suggestion.  

Personally, I would never suggest such a thing.  

Meegles4

Agree with PPs about not bringing it up and never asking for cash specifically, but if they bring it up you can always say you're saving for the wedding and not give them any physical gift ideas. Lynda's right that some people don't give money as birthday/xmas gifts, and likely not in large amounts.

Loopyseven

H and I skipped gifts for each other while we were wedding planning, but would never have dreamed of asking for cash for our wedding as a holiday/birthday gift.  Actually, because we were skimping on stuff we wanted out of our own funds, we enjoyed the holidays (our parents and grandparents all ask for lists) as an opportunity to maybe get some of the little things we'd been denying ourselves by putting htem on our lists for our families rather than paying for them ourselves.  We planned and saved for about a year and a half, so getting actual gifts for the holidays and birthdays actually was really nice.  

OliveBaby

You can't dictate how other people spend their money. If *they* bring it up, and ask what you/he want, then be honest. 

hoffse

I wouldn't do this, though like PP said only he knows his parents.  What you might do instaed is go ahead and register.  FI and I registered before I graduated from law school last May, and I received some very generous gift cards to stores we were registered at.  We are basically living on the hand-me-downs for the next 6 months until we see what we do and don't get for our wedding/showers, and we will be spending our gift cards then with the completion discount.

We will prob get some of the holiday stuff we put on there for xmas.  So when people ask, you could suggest they pick something off of your registry - but I wouldn't solicit for cash.

lttlkasa

Thanks for the perspective, everyone! Very helpful ideas on how to deal with this issue.

Kath1083

We cut out gifts for each other. Also, with my parents they offered to buy us things for the wedding as gifts.  You could ask for wedding related things on an idea list.